41. Stroke Survivors' Chat: Two Friends, Two Journeys, One Inspiring Conversation

It's, a couple days before Christmas. It is the holiday season. Holidays are fully upon us. The kids are home off of school already. This is going to be the last episode before the Christmas holiday. I'm excited about this one. This is our 1st Stroke survivor on the podcast. She's a good friend, great guest. I had a great conversation. We had a wonderful time chatting. I really think this is one of the, you know, last week with Crispy and was a great episode. I think this is another great episode. I really enjoy having guests on. The process has been a little bit of a learning curve. I don't have guests here in studio. So over, over Zoom, over Riverside, over wherever platform I'm using It's a bit of an adjustment. There's always a little delay, so that'll get better with time. But yeah, I'm really excited about this week's episode with My friend, Margo, she is a fellow stroke survivor, also a younger stroke survivor. So the 2 of us are both under, 50. You know, so it's, it's a unique perspective. We're both parents. We're both Actually, here locally in Jacksonville area, so that's that's another interesting fact. But, yeah, just a great conversation. She's originally from Chicago. I'm originally from New York, so we keep it real, we keep it open, we keep it honest. You know, we'd say the hard truths. Oh, yeah. Hopefully, you're having a great holiday season. I know I'm trying to enjoy it, although it's a little bit weird. I got a fun Sorry for next week's episode, about something that happened yesterday, which should not happen to a 41 year old stroke survivor father of 3. Little bit my bad, but mostly just annoying. It wound up here being fine. It was no big deal, but Yeah. The world is changing, and that is true in every sense of the world word and across the world. Anyways, yeah, I don't have much to say. This MS really like I said, this was a really good conversation. We're gonna try to catch up with videos here over the next a week or two over the holiday season MS we wrap up the end of 2023 going in 2024. So, yeah, I think, I think you'll find the insights on this One particularly useful, helpful. Hopefully, you find it enjoyable. Hopefully, you get a chance to listen to this while you take a little break from some of the holiday stuff. But, yeah, I just hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Hope you enjoy the time with family, friends, loved ones, you know, be take the time to reflect, be appreciative of every chance, the 2nd chance at life. And, yeah, really looking forward to more podcasts. I'll probably release 1 or 2 more before the end of the year. Anyways, enjoy this episode with my friend, Margo, this week on the Low Bull Survivor My name is Wilfrid. Welcome back to another I have to say hello to our podcast. This week, I am super excited to have our 1st stroke survivor guest on the podcast. She MS, somebody who's been working in the medical profession for a number of years. She's a good friend, a fellow young stroke survivor. Different Stroke than I had. She had a hemorrhagic stroke, which is good because I really know little to nothing about that, really. I know it's typically caused by higher blood pressure, but we'll get into all the details around that, dig in a little bit. She's not a self proclaimed expert. Neither am I. We're just both Stroke to Ars, figuring out everything we can about life after stroke and sharing that with you today. So, yeah, I won't Bother too much with the b s today? I will just we'll get to our guest, and we'll bring on my friend and fellow Stroke survivor, Margo. Hey, Margo. Welcome to the podcast. Hey, Will. How are you? Thanks for having me on. I'm well. Thanks. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Yeah, for sure. So I'm super excited because we've chatted a bunch over the years. We know each other through, The medical community, we won't really say who or where, but we've known each other for almost the I think we actually met, there because I was a patient. You were obviously working there and we met before both of our strokes. So mine Was December of 2019? Actually, no. Yeah. And mine was February of 2020. Right. Right. Yes. So yours was shortly after mine. Yes. So let's get into it. Let's, you know, kinda get into your story, what kinda led up to Okay. 2 year Stroke and kinda how everything went down, whatever details do you wanna share, whatever you're comfortable with it. I'll let you I'm so sorry to share your story. Thanks. So, you know, I was married for 20 something years, 2 kids. I think I had the same stress that everybody has, you know, work and money and kids and, you know, Marriage and all that kind of stuff. And MS blood pressure was, you know, just starting to get higher and higher. And, You know, I think that we sit there and, you know, in hindsight, yeah, should I have done, You know, gone to the doctor and really cared more about myself. Sure. You know? But I always paid attention To others. I always nurtured others. That's just me. And on February 17, 2020, I ended up having my stroke. I worked all day, didn't have any weird symptoms or anything, drove home, You know, went over the Buckman. I mean, you know that bridge. Yeah. I tried to avoid that. All costs. Right. Thank goodness I didn't, you know, have the stroke while I was driving. Yeah. You know? Got home, got in the shower, and it was, like, from 0 to a100, I felt this Pain on the right side of my head, and then all of a sudden, my vision went. Couldn't see anything. It almost felt my eyes were just burning. And I was just kinda like, you know, what is going on? And I turned MS the burning intensified, I, you know, turned the water off and I'm appealing my way out because at this point, every time that I open my eyes and, like, you know, cold air would, like, Hit my eyes. The burning would get even more intense. So I kept my eyes closed, felt my way out, wrapped myself up. You know, everybody has that I mean, you know, that ambulance comes and I'm naked, you know, and Yep. And it happened. And then so I at the time, I had a roommate And she was downstairs, and I called out to her and I said, call 911. And she said, why? And I said I'm about to have a Stroke. And boom, I hit the floor. Whole left side of my body, you know, every muscle gave out. I knew And, you know, being in the medical field, no matter what you do, you pick up things, you know? Right. And I knew that High blood pressure could cause a stroke. I knew my vision started changing before that. I knew, you know, my headaches Were not normal. You know, I had doctors tell me your blood pressure is high, you know, this and that. Then I, And I'm gonna be all over the place, so I apologize to, you know, your listeners and your viewers. I don't know how to soundtrack, so I'm all over the place. But, I ended up getting a divorce before the stroke and, you know, I think my story ties into so many other things in life, you know, because, again, I guess I Got divorced. And in my schedule, I think about is you you can't take time off, You know, to go to the doctor. Because if you do that and you don't have PTO, you're not gonna get paid. If you don't get paid, your ex husband could take you to court and say that you can't provide for your Wow. So there's all these ears. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you on that. Yeah. I Stroke with the same thing. I mean, I wasn't going to the doctor because we had just moved. I wanted to go to the doctor. I finally actually went to the doctor where I met you before my stroke, before your stroke. Yeah. It's just a difficult sort of thing. It's interesting, I think, because, a lot of stroke survivors are 65 and over, typically. That's the average age of a stroke survivor. And I think you and I are in the younger stroke survivor category, and also to that who are parents and yeah. I mean, I could totally relate. My blood pressure was insane, but also I was a cigarette smoker, a drinker, an alcoholic, a functional alcoholic, I like to call it, but it's a yeah. It's just it's a weird weird thing, and you think, Oh, it's not gonna happen to me. I'll be fine. And I literally I'll put I was going to the hospital, you know. And they I was, like, give me some pills to lower my my blood pressure and I'll be fine. And Turns out after a while, I was not. But yeah. But yeah, just to to for our listeners, I did kinda mention it in the intro, but, you know, the type of stroke you had was different than mine. Mine was Listen, ischemic years was hemorrhagic, and for those that may not be as familiar, you know I mean, I think, Well, I'll let you kinda describe the differences, but one of the things before before that, I wanna kinda ties into this. We we talk about the type of stroke you had, but also Maybe some of the some of the initial weeks after your stroke, like, some of the deficits and any anything, you know, along that line you wanna Cher, and I think yeah. I think I have this part of me that Stroke feels guilty because I had such a major Stroke, yet I didn't have A lot of the symptoms, you know, and a lot of these things that other people have, and sometimes I feel guilty for that. But because my span was Basically, 1 month. Yeah. In my mind, at least, it was. I had the stroke. I was in ICU. I couldn't walk. I couldn't talk. I couldn't do anything. My kids were basically, you know, spoon feeding me. Mhmm. And In a matter of a week, it's like, miraculously, Things started moving, and things started happening, and they moved me to the next floor. And I've you know, I had a stroke February 17, 2020. I walked in to my job. Well, I waddle like a dog. But, you know, there was March 17th 2020. That's insane. Yeah. Insane is the right word because I remember coming out of Brooks where I went for rehab the 2nd time for the MS. Me too. And I came out, March, March 17th, a month after you had your stroke. And I think I went back to the place you were working, and I didn't even realize you had had a stroke. That's how insane it was to me and nobody there. I I don't even I think they might have said something, but I think they also might not have said something at least early. And I was, like, oh. And, you know, to your point, I mean, it it is lucky. To be fair, it's amazing. I wish I had the same results, you know, because very much you probably heard this, like, oh, you're young. You bounce back. And I was, like in my head, I'm, like, when the fuck am I gonna bounce back? I mean, it took me Right. Significantly longer than a month, and, you know but I think to your to your to your point but to your credit, not so you're hiding the stroke, but you almost could've. And I I don't wanna say this, but I'm gonna say it because I know we both hated. You really didn't look like you had a stroke a month before. I mean, it was insane when I heard it. I was, like, are you kidding me? That was actually just the next thing that that I touched on. Yeah. You know, Even today, I get it from people. I you know, I get it from family members. Yeah. You know, I would've never known you even had a Stroke. But what people don't realize damn, I did. It's okay. What they don't realize is is that they don't know what I'm thinking. Right. And they would know how hard it is to put things together now Right. Versus how it was the poor. And You know how that is. Yes, I do. And, you know, and it is tough, but, you know, I think and I think we've talked about this, outside the podcast before. It's you know, I I don't I don't hate that people say it necessarily. I mean, I kinda hate it in the moment, but I do Now I'm starting to appreciate when people say it because it's, like, oh, well, I mean, obviously, we're doing better, but I think to your to to to highlight your story is that you you had a stroke, and you were able to physically do things pretty quickly, which is amazing. And you are, you know, you you feel guilty, but I think you should feel lucky to to be to call it honest. I I do. I do everyday. Yeah. It's, but this is the other side that people don't see, the hidden The hidden things I've talked about before on the podcast, like, it's, like, putting things together. I mean, you I know you. You're from Chicago. I'm from New York, You know, throw in Boston, those are the 3 big you know, we have a mean and tough demeanor. We have, like, You know, harsh but funny, and, like, we have these styles from these big cities that not everybody is or agrees with, but, like, You know, I think we both used to be sharp as shit, to be quite honest, like and I still feel like I'm 4 d sharp, but I'm not What is sharp as I would like to be? And it annoys me, and I'm sure you probably get annoyed too. But, you know, we're both coming up on 4 years, and I think we've made a lot of progress. And, probably, you know, at least for me, I'm okay with it now. I still hate it, but, like, You know, there are things I could probably work on. Do I really need to be, like, as sharply tongued as I used to be? Probably not. I could be I could certainly, Be less of an asshole, you know? I don't that's that's probably not the right word for you. But for me, yeah. I mean, I think A lot of people No. It actually has the right word for me too. Yeah. I mean, I think we share that in common. We both kind of It's we've had different journeys, but we have had similar paths where we were a certain way. And I think, I know you're very open with me, but, like, yeah, we've we've changed, and I think that's important. I mean Right. Yeah. Kind of talking about the the personal side, you know, like, things that have changed in your life and, you know I mean, I don't wanna put words in your mouth, but yeah. Go ahead. I think that, you know, even though I wish I didn't, obviously, you know, have a Stroke, And that's the thing is that I know I was a good person before. Right. I know that I was nurturing. I know I was caring. I know I cared about people, but I had that mentality of, if I don't know you and you try to Come for me. I'll come for you 10 times harder because that's just what I'm taught. That's just how it MS. Yeah. You know? And Every time somebody hurt me, I didn't learn how to process it And let it go? Mhmm. I kind of put it in a file cabinet in the back of my brain, you know. And It it I don't I didn't never realized it until now. How much that consume me? How much anger consume MS? And, you know, passed and hurt and everything, just holding out to it consumed me. Yeah. And so now Oh, even though I had the stroke and, you know, like you said, things are harder now. You know, I'll be at work and I'm I work with numbers all day. And Sometimes I have to look at something straight times to understand it, you know, and that's something that somebody else doesn't know that about me Just by looking at me, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's a tough one. I I would agree with that. That's, Yeah. I'm still working on it. I think it'll get better, but I also don't really know. And there's the thing about that is there's, like, not a way. I saw the see, I'm a problem solver and I'm a fixer, and I think he probably would Kind of fit that mold. Right? Yeah. We're used to solving everybody else's problems. You know, I'm not the in my house, at least, because my wife is deaf, I Play a little bit more of an active role than your standard, probably, husband that you know. Like, it's I always joke about my wife and I's dynamics. People don't understand it. It's, it's very me and it's very her. You know, I'm you know, there's there's a lot of traditional, but a lot of new in our lives. Yeah, but just doing things quickly and fast and, like, typing and, like, ice. Yeah. It's weird. That's yeah. Yeah. Like handwriting, I don't do you yeah. Like, a little little yes. Can we talk about that? Like, do you I mean, I had to learn Learn how to write my ABCs. I still I kept you know, there was the one thing is that, you know, you mentioned going to rehab at Brooks, and I did also. Yeah. You know, they came to me, you know, when I was in ICU and basically said we're gonna do this, this, and this. And I'm looking at them, like, It's not gonna happen, but, you know, whenever it happened. And it just and This is another thing that I think I need to let you and, you know, your people know. I literally just forgot what I was talking about. And it takes on 20 seconds and it'll come back, but that is one of the things that it's the biggest thing, actually, that I have noticed that I've taken from the stroke MS I'll be sitting there having a conversation and all of a sudden I'm, like, I think, you know, when we Yeah. When we met a few weeks ago, I'm, like, wait, what were we talking about? Yeah. And that's how I'm feeling right now. And I I had thought, oh, okay, see. I'm back. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I had jumped in because I'm always, like, I'm gonna forget what I have to say because I can't remember what I have to say when I'm actually just, like, Can't remember what I had to say when it's right on the screen next to me. So sorry. Go ahead. So it's, like, even though now you're good, even though, you know, Like we said, it it we wish it didn't happen. I choose now to live my life, to look at the silver lining. Yeah. You know, whatever it may be. Because I realized now that I spent so much time just being pissed off All the time. And and, you know, I gotta have that job and I gotta climb that sorry. No. Let her ring. That limiter and the key, you know, and do all these things. And in the end, you know, the dude next To MS, an ICU could have been a fucking millionaire. Yeah. And I'm not. And guess what? We're in the same boat. We're in the same boat and it doesn't matter. Although, I am jealous jealous of the millionaire because I could probably afford, A little bit of extra items from like, I bought every every Amazon tool for rehab that you could buy. I bought every single thing, half work, half down. The the amount of money that I have spent on my stroke is just it's insane, like, outside the medical stuff, like, I don't know. The co pays keep going up. The premiums keep going up. I'm I'm looking at it this week because I've I've been I just wanna have the same insurance that I had, and I can't. And it's like, it's that time of year and no. That's a fun game of shot. I don't know if I don't know if you're doing that that this year, but, of course, every year now. It's, like, oh, your plan MS not available. We have this other plan that's very similar with a, $30,000 deductible. When you're a stroke survivor, That's a hard one to chip away at. Yeah. It is. The world is, you know, it's Getting more expensive and yeah, man. The build that came with it, it was amazing because I think it was 2 days in ICU, and I had, you know, I had my Stroke in February. So brand new gear, brand new deductible, brand new out of pocket. Get man, I met that shit in 2 days. Yep. That's same. So just from being nice, you know? It's just it's crazy. It it's very life changing. And I think that, you know, like, even with what you're doing, you know, talking to people and and letting them know, You know, it it's okay to feel like this and, you know, don't be apologetic for this, and We're all learning. We're all learning, and I think that we have to be our biggest advocate. Yeah. Because, that that you know, you touched on some interesting things It's the same people next to you or myself included in rehab. It's like, we have it not great, but people have it way worse. Like, aphasia It's something, you know, I think I have mildly ish, because I think most of our what we call stroke brain is a form of mild aphasia, but it's a very different facial than we're typically used to, which is speech primarily or most typically. Yeah. I mean, I've seen people with helmets on and, like, my neighbor has brain cancer, but also Stroke survivors Can have major brain surgeries and, like, you know, they get in there. Right. You know, one of the things I think I think a big difference in our strokes MS, like, mhmm. So when you got to the hospital, actually, let's let's go back to your Stroke, Which that was way off track because we're already deep. That's never it. When they called when you so you got if your roommate called 911, You got rushed to your house trip? Right. They they come and, you know, she's freaking out, obviously, and I'm vomiting everywhere. And I kept trying to lift myself up, you know, nothing's working, get to the hospital. And I just remember, like, my clothes being cut off. She was Trying to address me, and she couldn't. But, anyway, they're cutting clothes off. They're they're putting all this stuff on MS. And all of a sudden, this doctor comes in and he goes, miss Williams, your stroke is so severe that we're not equipped to handle Just how severe it is. So we're gonna send you to, you know, downtown Baptist. Went there right away. And at this point, I believe it was, like, Around 10 o'clock 10 o'clock in the evening. Okay. They rushed me in right away. They put me through the CanScan, you know, And all that, and that was the last thing I remember, and I remember waking up in ICU. So one thing I learned about my particular stroke is that There is a procedure they can run for an ischemic stroke, which is a clot busting thing, which was completely ignored on my end because they thought I didn't have a stroke because I guess I was I don't know. I don't know what was going on, but nobody ran the stroke procedures on MS, nobody Initially, thought Stroke. I mean, I literally had gone to the bathroom at the hospital, couldn't walk, was, like, Basically, crippled, because I found out later. I had a stroke, and I was paralyzed on the entire right side of my body, which is why I couldn't walk, but nobody seemed to catch that, which I don't know is amazing or tragic or both. I think somehow I fooled everybody by walking to the bathroom and pissing all over myself, which is a little fun fact from my stroke. Yeah. Oh, so Yeah. With with your stroke, is it with the hemorrhagic stroke, is there any procedure they can run as far as if they catch it? Do you have that same 5 hour window, or is that only for a class? Mine was a 3 hour window, I believe. And I know that when on the way to the hospital, I remember I remember sitting up quickly in the ambulance, and I remember him, The paramedic, you know, slamming me down and putting something in my arm. Yeah. And it it was I I Don't know the name of the medication, but I know what it MS. When you have a stroke, they give it to you to try to stop the damage at that point. I just don't know, you know, the medical, terminology, technical So he did do 8. Something? So I'm yes. He he did put that my arm in the ambulance. But when the doctor said that to me, we have to send you downtown, when I got downtown and they did the CAT scan, I remember the doc, and it was just so crazy, you know, because when you have a stroke, you're aware of what's going on. Right? But Mhmm. Yeah. If somebody talks to you, you can't comprehend, like, you can't put the the thought together. In the fact that it's doctor, I'm sure and it coming up to me, you know, and and thinking that I'm gonna understand what the hell he's talking about. Sweet. We actually may have to put basically a metal rod in the back of your brain To reduce the swelling. Oh, okay. At that point, I don't give a shit. The hit me was a car that make me better. I don't whatever, you know. Yeah. What? They didn't end up I guess, you know, obviously, having to do that and Thankfully, yeah. You're right. Yeah. So I wonder if that, that medic that that shot that you got in the arm, is that kind of Do you think that played a role in your recovery? Like, did that help subside some of the long term effects? Yeah. Yes. I think that I think that because I knew what the signs of a stroke were, Mhmm. That I the way I started feeling something in my, you know, in my head at that moment. So even though I'm I can't see, something told me, like, You're having every symptom of a Stroke. And I think that by how quickly she called, You know, and and how quickly they got there, you know. And I think time, you know, was definitely the essence. Yeah. And on your on your side. You know, and I, Yeah. And listen, I'm super thankful every day and I'm very blessed. And all I wanna do from here on out is try to, you know, just let people know, like Freaking take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty. We all feel guilty about, you know, putting ourselves first. And I think it's because that's the way we're raised, you know, via nurture, you know, care about others, be a good person, you know. And We do that and we forget about ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. And even still, like, 4 years in, you know, I have to remind myself, like, it's okay. And, like, my wife will get cranky with MS, and she's totally within her rights to do that. And I don't wanna be an asshole husband, but, like, sometimes I just can't You know, it's difficult with me because I'm I'm a half the time, I can't tell if it's stroke related or MS related, or do I just Not really wanna go to the thing, so it's it's a delicate walk at the delicate balance, and I have to be honest with myself and honest with her. And, yeah, honestly, to touch on what you were talking about earlier, you know, my wife is my best friend, my closest partner in life. Like, Her and my kids are my world, but it's frustrating. Sometimes she doesn't get in. It's like, come on. We're on year 4. Like, You know, we've been married for 13 year or we've been together for 14 years this January. Like, you know, we've married for 11 and change. Just like Has you know, and I'm getting like, now that I'm better ish, she thinks, well, let's go back to the old way. Well, it's not quite that. Yeah. So I can't quite work that way. I wish it would, but, yeah. Like you said, I wish people would understand, I guess, that things are different and that, We're trying to to make the most, and we are making the most. And I think other survivors out there who are kinda just starting out, You're gonna hear it a lot. I mean, I'd love to hear what you heard in in recovery and things, from different people, especially from your perspective. Like, they always say, it takes time, blah blah blah. It's like, and I honestly, Marco, I mean, you know, we we've been friends for a while, but, I used to get mad, I think. Not not of you, but, like, I was, like, come on, Margo. Margo MS, like, around my age, and she's walking around and, like, Here I am in, you know, most of 2020. I was in that goddamn wheelchair and the fucking old man walker and the cane and the AFO and all these things. But, again, you had Yeah. There you you absolutely you had the walker. Yeah. When The when I remember coming back from Stroke and seeing you commend, you were using your walker, and that's when They had told me that, you know, you would have the stroke. Yeah. And I was, like, wow, I didn't know anybody else that was around my age that Had a Stroke. Yeah. Or or to be honest, when I was at the Big Brooks, I think I saw somebody around my age, but they were one of those Stroke survivors that had, like, the helmet and he had severe aphasia and, like, all I mean, way worse than I was off. I I mean, honestly, it made me feel good, but then I I'm sure he felt the same way, and I'm sure you did. You would see these 65 year olds who had a stroke yesterday, and they're walking 2 days later, and you're like, what The hell is going on? Like, I don't wanna hear. You're young. It's you'll be fine. For 4 years, and I'm better. I'm determined to be fine. Right. It is not without effort. It's not at work. It's not without a lot of money being spent, and yeah. I mean, I think both of us have started to learn Patience and, the silver lining. I mean, I never wanted to sign the silver lining. I was I was mister I mean, I'm still honestly, I was still struggling. I'm So mister grumpy sometimes, but, my kids are a little younger than years, minor turning 8 this weekend. 8, 9, and 21. Just turned 21, so you can imagine how fun that is. I mean, I'm sure you recall, but, it was fun. Actually, it MS actually better when I had my stroke because they were younger and they were, like, manageable. Now they're, like, a nightmare. But I know it's different with age, but yeah. Yeah. Can we touch on that a little bit? Because I think, you know, again, you're you and I are younger. We are parents Yes. In our forties, like, Yeah. I mean, sorry. You're in 30. MS yeah. That's right. That's right. You know, my my oldest daughter It MS 30, and my youngest is 20, you know. And when everything happened, You know, obviously, my oldest was already living on her own and, you know, married. And my youngest was, you know, Sharing time between her father, we get dad's, we get, you know, Miley's date. She wasn't she was with Tim when it happened. Thankful because I think that if she had seen what was happening at that moment, I think it it really would have, You know, scared her and probably messed her up. It messed her up anyway. Yeah. You know? I mean, she gets a call, you know, at 8 o'clock on a Monday. You know, hey. Your mom just had a Stroke. Get to the hospital. And then on the way to the hospital, you know, She's being told your mom's probably having an anxiety attack. Yeah. You know, and even to this day, I feel like shit because there was I I should have take taken better care of myself, and I didn't, you know, and I put them through that too. Yeah. But again, for both of us, I think, you know, we were younger, and I kinda like, it's so weird. I I mean, I don't wanna get too far in the weeds on my particular case, but, like, you just don't think you're gonna have a stroke at 37, like, They always say it's like I mean, I think I heard this before MS Stroke. 65, maybe fifties, late fifties if you're really gonna take care of yourself. And I came from genes that I thought were I knew something was gonna happen if I didn't change. I just didn't think my body would kinda shut down the way it did. But also Right. You just brought up an interesting point, With your daughter being told you had an anxiety attack. I mean, it doesn't sound like you got misdiagnosed, plus you worked in medical, so you kinda know. Oh, no. No. No. I. No. I it wasn't by the doctor. Oh, by the families. It was by right. Right. Because nobody would believe Mhmm. That at, you know, 42. I'm having a stroke. Yeah. You know, it can't be a stroke. We just saw her. She looked fine. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Mhmm. Well, you talk about the b fast and the the signs of a stroke and being aware of that. I mean, I remember So I'll just say it because I I don't really care, but I was I was in the hospital when I had my stroke. I was not at home, thankfully. So, like, everybody already kinda knew something wasn't right. They were gonna, like, do some things to do some testing, and I remember do you remember doing this test as a kid. Like, this this was, like, the yeah. I couldn't do it. They were the people that were there, Nobody took it seriously. In my case, nobody believed that I was at like, I didn't believe it, but I'm I'm not a medical professional. Like, I don't. I am a guest in the hospital, and they they missed it. I mean, I don't wanna get too angry or fired up, but, like, Yeah. When we all go to see a doctor I mean, this is part of the reason people don't go to the doctor because they get misdiagnosed, they get Told things that may or may not be true. I mean, I'm not saying people had have ADHD, which a buddy of mine has, which he's Somebody had in the podcast. He's a heart attack survivor. He had a heart attack at, like, 48, 47, I think. So, like, yeah. So he was misdiagnosed, and it's just, like, like, you know, I I know everybody can't catch everything, but frustrating. It is. It's like you know? And then I find out when I went to Big Brooks, I didn't even know till I got to Big Brooks that there is something like TPA where they can run the clot busting medication If you're within a certain window and I get that if you're at home and, like, in your case, you were at, home, and then they transferred you, and then you went another place. So, you know, they you had Obviously, a great team, and they got you the medication that probably helped speed things up at least, or at least slow them down, or, you know, save your life, you know, at the very least. And I was in the hospital, and, like, nobody they just, like, went up who went by the wayside. Nobody ran shit and far as far as testing, and, like They're like, we don't know. I'm like and then I find out you can, like, reverse the effects, so, like, they don't do it for everybody. So There's that, but also man. I don't know. So if I could've had the TPA and just Something could've helped speed things up. I mean, I think I don't wanna get too far off track, but I think It did help. Well, I guess COVID happened. Like, where the world's slow down, so I I got a hot last. Right. Well, you just went back. You went back. Right? Like That's insane too. But I think it helped Yeah. We would Shut down one day, you know. And, you know, you're also waddling at work, you know, and you're you know, and when I went back to work, you know, The neurologist told me, I don't want you to go back to work for, like, 6 months. That wasn't gonna work for me because I had bills to pay, You know, so I'm, like, I have to go back to work. Even work said to me, you know, we're gonna have to have you sign something because And, like, the fact that you're even here, you know, and I did. Yeah. And I also letter from my primary. Yeah. I, very unwisely because so I had my stroke December 2019. So January 1, 2020, I went to the Big Brooks for rehab. I immediately got on short term disability somehow because I asked about it, and I turns out we had it. I didn't even know that. But they only pay, like, 60%, and it was only for, like, 10 weeks, so I had to and that only that only covered, like, January 1 to, like, end of March. So I did rehab, went home, Went back to the hospital, went to downtown, got diagnosed with MS, went back to Big Brooks, and then At 2 weeks till April 1st to go back to work, and thankfully, I went back part time. Although, somebody should tell me not ago at all in the beginning because that was a bad choice. I'm all around, like, which is weird because one of the people I used to work for no longer obviously was in nursing, but She was a former, like, head up nursing on, you know, some ICU floor in in the Midwest and, like I don't know. Yeah. It's just weird how things kinda well, it's not about me, but it's just interesting because we're both going back to work Week before we should, and I think that may happen to a lot of people because of money, but also because you wanna feel normal. Honestly, at least I did. Easy. Yeah. It MS, you know. I did. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I've, I was 42 years old. I didn't want anybody looking at me, like, You know, oh, look what, you know, what happened to her and, you know, it that bothered me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's a real struggle, honestly. Well, I'm sure sipping for you. Even now. Like, I've kinda gotten comfortable with it doing this podcast. I really believe that helping other Stroke virus go through the journey because, like, god knows I wish I had some podcasts to listen to in the hospital. There are very few books. Yeah. You know, there's a handful of books, but they don't speak to me necessarily. There's some videos, there's some YouTube, but it's So again, you and I are very different, I think, than, like, we're we're not so, like, just give me the truth. Don't give me the don't give me the nicey nice. I I mean, I wanna be safe. How nice too. Yeah. Don't sugarcoat it. Just give me the hard truths and, like Yeah. Okay. If you what works for you may not work for me. Say, hey, this worked for me. It might work for you, but it may also may not, but, you know, and, you know, my first Doctor Baptist was, like, no, just had a stroke, and it's gonna take a while. And I was, like, now, I'll be getting 2 or 3 days. Dead ass wrong on my side, but he was right. So it's taken to now and it didn't take time. So, Yeah. I mean, I hated that in the moment because he said it like 2 days after my Stroke. Like, I I didn't know, like, a week before I heard that probably. At the clip, you know, I don't know how it was for you, but I know, you know, for me, you know, of course, the first Few days families coming in and friend, you know, old friends weren't allowed and I see you or any of that. It was only immediate family and, And all that in right. Right. And, you know, every he's trying to come see you and Forgot what I MS saying. You probably think, leave me alone. I'm in ICU. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So family family thumbs. No. You're good. Family comes and, you know, I forgot to get go ahead and take it. Well you're good. Yeah. Family MS a difficult one. We talked about that this I talk about it pretty regularly on this podcast. My family knows the shit out of me. I told you that the other day, and you were laughing. I was like, oh, it's It's the truth. I love my kids. I love my wife, but they, consistently show up and annoy me, in everything. Although one of the things that really annoyed me is when I did have my stroke and my wife Came to the like, you know, I was already in the hospital, and she kept saying it, but nobody listened to her because she was deaf. I'm this big at the time. I was 500 pounds, basically, a fat sea lion on a hospital bed, and I didn't take it seriously because I didn't believe it either because my stroke was so different in the way I had it. I didn't you know, like, I knew when I went to the bathroom, obviously, something was wrong. But I I thought kindness not not exactly what they thought, but I was like, oh, maybe my leg MS just numb from laying down, like, You know, I'm not I'm not somebody who's been in a lot of hospital meds, so I didn't really know. I mean, but she was saying it, and then she was talking about Face Stroke, and it's just like, Thinking back to that day and that time MS like, how the fuck? Did anybody working in a hospital Not Not know that. Just not even see the signs to mention it to somebody else, like, it's it's fucking wild, like Especially when your wife is talking about a stripper. Well, they're not taking her seriously because she's deaf. And to her credit That makes it even uglier. It does. It does. And and I love my wife. I really do. She's a substance. She's a pain in my ass, but we've been together for 14 years. So, like, obviously, I see her very differently, and I we kind of we know how each other works and talks and speaks. And in my case, that time, I I do wish I listened to her because I'm pretty sure if my 500 pound big 6 40 ass from Jersey, starting to say, no, I think this is a stroke. Let's run some shit. I do think it would have been, different, but I didn't have that, That background, and I just didn't believe it was happening to MS. So Yeah. Yeah. So it came back to me. Thank you for being patient with me when it comes to that, but It it hit MS, I think day 2 or 3, you know, the nurses started telling me I had to sit upright. I ended up having pneumonia and, you know, I couldn't swallow, so they put me on a certain diet, you know, and all those things. And they put me in the recliner. And I don't know Why? But for some damn reason, there was nothing but crime show that Ugh. In my room. I don't know who the hell set that TV, but There was nothing but crime shows. Well, anyway, I'm sitting in this recliner and I'm just everything MS running through my mind. You know, like, what Happened. And what do you remember? And, you know, and I just remember sitting there and it hit MS. And I'm just like, This is your life now. You can't get up on your own. You can't go to the bathroom on your own. You can't grab your old food. You had to have the nurses you know, I got to the point where I would try, you know, to get my food and it would fall in my lap, And I Mhmm. Didn't wanna feel dirty so I had the nurses start putting a glove on my hand. So I can just, you know, pull it off, but it's Yep. It it just hit me at that moment. Here you are 42 years old. Yes. The bills were there. Yeah. You were going through a divorce. Yes. Work sucks, But you didn't put yourself first. And now look at your kids. Your kids should be out Enjoying, you know, their lives. Instead, they're spoon feeding you. So, You know I could I agree with that. That is a, I think, probably, that's why I've taken some of my recoveries to the extreme over the last couple of years because I yeah. It's it's weird. Right? Like, at a young age or, like, you know, I was a little younger than you, but we're both right around the same age, right around 40. And, yeah, you just don't think it's gonna happen to you, and you're like, Shit. This is irreversible. You know, at the point at which, you know, I kind of after the point at which it was irreversible completely for MS. Right. Yeah. It's it's, It is. It takes it probably takes I think, you know, they say well, they say a lot of things I don't listen to. I'm a very good listener now, but I I still, Like, when people tell me not to do certain things if I've done my re this is why I do that research that we always talk about because, like, I don't wanna hear people tell me Stroke survivors can't do this, or people with MS can't do that, or Right. You know, my wife, don't run 5,000 miles. Why are you running so many miles? Well, because I didn't run a fucking mile for the 1st 40 years of my life. So I think I got, like, you know now I'm on keto, and it's like people, like, no, you should have carbs. I'm like, I have had enough carbs to kill a fucking horse a 100 times over. I I could spare a carb or 2, you know. Like, Guys, I'm good. I want peace How do you feel about that? How do you feel let me ask you because I know for me, like, All the things that I said I would never do before the Stroke, I no do. Yes. All these things that I said I would never be, I know we am. So, like, how how is that for you? It is eye opening, and now I listen to those things more often. A big example being running. I hated it my whole life. Got into it last year. I don't think I could've done it any sooner than I started, but, yeah, I just I do look at things differently. Like you said, I'm very thankful to be alive. Another big one we talked about was breathing because everybody calls it breath work. It sounded so stupid. It sounded dumb. I was, like, well, I'm breathing. I'm alive. It's working. Well, turns out you can optimize that, which MS really opened up a lot of doors. And now, Yeah. The dumber it sounds, the more likely I am to kind of listen and explore rather quickly. I may not hop to it. I may not do it immediately. But, Yeah. Yeah. All the things I pushed aside, I definitely sort of I'm a big trial and error guy, As long as it's within the reasonable bandwidth. Like, I'm not even back to smoking or drinking. I did enough of that for 22 years. I mean, I was an alcoholic from Mhmm. 14 to 37, so, you know, that's why when I think about carbs, I think I drank enough carbs in my life to to switch over to keto. But again, keto is something keto is something I'd never thought I would do because I was, like, oh, that's just another fad diet, but I really didn't explore it. So, yeah, that's why I'm more into exploring now and, you know, I listen to my body. I listen to other I wouldn't say I listen to other people. I'm open to hearing different points of view, but then the jersey, Probably, like, the Chicago and New comes out, and I get very, we'll see. Mhmm. To give you a good example, my sister often She's working on that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still working on that too. But my sister's a reader. She reads a lot of books. I read a lot of books now. I listen to them more, but, where MS it going with that? You had hit this MS moment with stroke brain? Oh, sure. Just a thought of the first time. Yeah. Right. She recommend the book, and then I won't read it for, like, 18 months, and then I'll read it. I'm, like, oh, shit. I should read that sooner because she's always she's always right. And if you don't know, my sister and I are very I have 2 sisters. 1 of 1 is very close to me. She and I went to high school, so she skipped eighth grade. And we went to high school together. She was valedictorian of, I guess our class, but I like to refer to it as my class because I was the big guy. I sort of ran things For the most part, because when you're 648 in high school, unless there's another 648 You do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was a really, yeah. There's a certain level where there's no longer people your height or comp yeah. There's yeah. Anyways, I I'm always pissed off about that because she was valet victorian at our class. Not really though because I she She did all the work, and I I may I breezed through high school because I would go in her backpack at night, take your homework, copy it, get the same grades, did no work. Really perfecting his whole day. Yeah. Really perfected. That's how I got into university a reseller that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I didn't you think I'm hiding that? Like, what happens when I need homework? Or do I gotta go tell her I honestly need her homework? Or how are you gonna plan it? Yeah. Yeah. Literally, I went to college at Miami and had to take, calculus my freshman year of college, which had already taken Pee calculus at high school. But when I was out on my own in Miami, which she didn't go to, I had to do School work for myself. It was very, very hard. I I honestly, I failed freshman calculus, but I emailed the professor over break I said, did I really fail? MS said, no, I think you had a d, which thankfully saved my Just tell me. Save my ass, or I would have been back home after after the 1st semester for Miami, so and then, the other funny part about Miami is that I I went to school for architecture literally so I could draw through MS way through college. So I didn't have to do any any real work. MS real work is you know, architecture is really interesting Profession field, lot of drawing, lot of hours, lot of commitment. All for nothing now, but, it was my, secret weapon to get to college by drawing, so yeah. It's like a Yeah. And and I he and I'm gonna I'm just gonna say this. I know you say all for nothing, but I think that, you know, What you're doing now is what you're supposed to be doing at this point in your life. That's at least the way that that I, you know, just Try to look at things because if I don't, I'm gonna put my foot in fist or something, you know. That's what I'd play. I have to try to, you know, look at it that way. And I'm I'm learning, you know, and I think that that's one thing about, you know, the stroke is Because we tried to think like we used to think. It has us thinking about other stuff. Mhmm. You know, and it makes me think about, You know, don't let that piss you off. Whereas, 4 years ago, I would have taken a mirror model and Stroke over someone's head. You know what I mean? Yes. Like, it's just not I don't think that way anymore. Yeah. Right. Try not to. I'll let it I try not to. Yes. Patience and persistence is something, I think, Whether you're good or not at it, you will kinda learn that through being a stroke survivor. Yeah. And I say that because Even you, somebody who's worked in medical coding, billing, medical different medical positions. The number of phone calls I've had to make over the last 4 years is insane. Like, I think I've learned patience for being on hold. I don't know how younger people will ever survive a stroke or because my daughter I mean, I was looking at my phone today. I have not had a phone call that I've actually picked up in probably 3 weeks? A month? MS birthday was there. I didn't pick up any phone calls on my birthday. Yeah. I mean, how are they gonna call these places? How are you gonna handle bills in the future? And don't tell me email because have you ever tried to email Medical billings companies like that, that's not a thing. They don't give a fuck. They barely give a fuck when you talk to them if you can get them. Yeah. So that's that's another interesting thing. What else? I feel like we talked for hours, but I want you Oh, there's so many things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing so many things for sure. Before we hop into some fun stuff, let's just Sorry. I'm looking over here because I have a lot of notes. Okay. So we talked about patience and persistence. What? I guess, before we wrap up with some fun stuff, you know, obviously, learning the signs of a stroke, is good because not you know, I guess, You could look at it 2 ways. I should've been lucky because I was in the hospital. You were not as lucky because you were not in the hospital, but you got excellent care and a great team out there, and they shipped you over to downtown, which is a great Baptist great Baptist downtown. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Baptist Downtown Baptist yeah. Baptist Downtown is always, on point, at least every I'm I've been down there. They seem very knowledgeable and experienced. I've been there for a number of different visitors over the last couple of years. Yeah. Definitely definitely a different vibe, but the main Baptist than the, the other ones, but not not yeah. Right. I think that's just how it works. You know, they put all the big big guns downtown. I'm trying to think, like, I guess, Okay. For you and I, we we had our shows at a weird time. You went back to work, obviously, quickly. I went back to work as a I forgot until you mentioned it how quickly I went back to work after everything, which was very dull on my part in hindsight. Not necessarily. Yeah. Well, I guess, advice, but, like, You know, I've been talking about a lot about starting a community online for stroke survivors, something I'm building something I've been talking about all year with this podcast, but I have yet to do it fully because, it it really just takes more time. Although, I do think I'm going to be ready to launch that in a couple couple weeks, hopefully, before the end of the year. But what about in your journey, like, you know, you and I know each other, but Did you have a do you have a stroke group that you grew go to? How do you find support? Do you just kinda manage I know you're tough. I know I'm tough too. Like, we kind of seem Seemed like those people that figured it out our own a lot. You know? I think and I think that's what it's for me, that's what it's been is I've done the majority of it alone. Mhmm. Just went to, you know, my kids and, You know, it for me, it opened so many so many doors that I had no choice It's a walk through, whether it be dealing with certain family members. You know, I I it it put everything in perspective for MS, And it let me see that I'm done wasting time being pissed off or anything else because when the rug MS, You know, pulled from under you. The the stat that we're even able to, you know, sit here and have this conversation after, you know, what we've gone through is remarkable. And when things like that happen, you just you don't wanna deal with, You know, to solve family members or and because I look like I don't have a head, you know, a stroke, they all think it was nothing but Maybe a head cold? Yeah. You know, so it's like, in one instance, I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor, and I don't want anybody feeling sorry for me. But in the other instance, I want people to, at least, you know, to understand I may look a certain way on the outside, but you don't know what's going on on the inside. Yeah. That's a big one. It's, Yeah. I struggle with that, too. It's, like, Yes. I appreciate the comments. That does mean the hard work from both of our ends is not for nothing and that we have improved quite a bit. But also, I have to say, you know, that's I think I was getting there earlier. Actually, it's, like, I don't want to play the victim. I don't really want like, I guess, I'm gonna be known as a stroke survivor. I think I kinda come to terms with that. That's that's something that's never gonna change. Unfortunately, I'm always gonna be a stroke survivor, and I would like not to be, but there is no magic pill. That's a big thing that I had to learn early on MS that there's no They can give pills to No. Thin your blood, to help lower pressure blood pressure, but you still have to do some of the work if you wanna get off those pills. And yeah. I mean, not the way I would have preferred to learn things, but, you know, I kinda think I I can't, you know. I guess I am grateful for learning the hard lessons, if that sounds it sounds a little weird. Because, again, I'd rather learn hard lessons with maybe slightly differently. But Right. Yeah. Right. And to your point You know, and then you have this endpoint It's behind the wheel, and, you know, but even though the at least the way that I look at it, I'm always gonna feel like shit, you know, when it comes to my kids because of the things that in that time they had to deal with. But now I feel like I have the chance to make it up in different ways. I'm, you know, I'm closer with one of my daughters than I've ever been. Yeah. Yeah. I think that that that comeback is really you know, I hate to call it a comeback, but I think it is kind of a comeback. It's like, alright. It is. I I fucked up. I think, you know, obviously, things were somewhat preventable on my end. Couldn't think of it differently, have a little bit of guilt bag about that. But now I wanna show my kids, and I'm sure you feel the same way. It's, like, I wanna show you Alright. Don't do all that because you don't wanna have this. But also, I'm gonna show you how to have a comeback and how I'm gonna come out better, stronger, and We're resilient, and I want to lead by example for my kids. I wanna show you that you could turn around, you can make mistakes, hopefully, not nearly as bad as mine. In my case, because I was really off the deep end, which I never again, I never thought I was off the deep end because it's all really, like, Controlled, addiction. Like, there was no at that point, our kids, like, there was no drugs. It was just cigarette smoking and drinking quietly, heavily. Before I would go to bed, I wasn't bothering anybody. I thought, you know, very hate to use the word functional Right. Oxymoric, but, I was. You know, I got up, I worked, I did all my shit. Just to circle back on the family thing, though, the one thing that I struggle with still and I don't know if you struggle with this MS, like, yeah, I I love seeing the silver lining. I try to do things, you know, right. I try to think things through a little bit more. I don't put up with bullshit. I never really Did. But I gotta be honest, the one I struggle with the most now is, like, I don't wanna hear I don't wanna hear anybody's well, first of all, most of the time, I I'll hear advice within reason. Right? But I I I don't want what I really don't wanna hear It's other people's excuses. I don't know if you feel this way, but I'm, like, man, I survived a Stroke. Like, you think I'm sure, and you probably. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I love my wife, but she will, like she'll be, like, oh, I have to she's running a marathon this coming weekend, and I'm, like, Man, I ran 5,000 miles. Like, I'm out running you on a daily basis. Don't tell me you can't, like, qualify for this marathon or that marathon or, You know, I would kill half her times because she runs a lot quicker than me, but, like, yeah. Not just her, anybody. I just don't wanna, like Oh, you can't do like, I yeah. I know. I get it. I feel bad for people too, but it's just, like, come on, man. If you knew how hard surviving a stroke was and getting back on track and, like, Like now versus like then? I mean, I'm not saying it's the hardest, but I think it is prob I talked to my buddy, you know, got him on the show last week. So yep. Yeah. It's hard, and he had a heart attack. But with a heart attack, you don't have as many, because it's not. It's hard to stop brain, so you don't you know, you could easily die from a heart attack almost more than a Stroke, because stroke, I think, is, like, what what's Mhmm. No. 3 I think it's, like, 3 out of fives. At least 3 out of 5 survived, maybe 4 out of 5? Yeah. Well, a lot of stroke survivors survived, but didn't have that qualitative life that, You know, takes a hit. But, yeah, I can't think of anything. Maybe Parkinson's is is potentially harder. You know, I'm sure there's some Forms of my vest. Right. Better or worse, but, yeah, the the overall, like, rehab process MS, I don't know if there's anything more complex or or difficult to navigate. Right. And, you know, I mean, It's hard when, you know, just 12 hours ago, you're walking down the Stroke, you're Driving. You're you're doing all these things, but and boom. What just happened? You know? Yeah. Your whole life, she just like just Like that. And it's basically irreversible. For everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It takes a toll on everybody. It takes obviously, it takes a toll on their individual. It takes a toll on family. In my case, I think I was lucky. You know, my daughter, I think it's it's taking a toll, but I think she's handled it pretty well. And my boys were younger, so they kinda are on like that That spectrum of, like, maybe they were a little like, they kinda know, but they kinda don't. We'll see how that shakes out in the end, but Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like I said, Margaret, I could talk for hours. I'd love to have you back on the podcast. We could talk about that in the future, but so to wrap up, I like to talk about a couple of fun things with everybody. I mean, not super fun, but a little bit fun. So MS this Are you what you know, if you are watching anything, listening to anything, whether it's a book, a podcast, Netflix, Yo, many Stroke now there's a 1,000,000,000 streaming services. I don't know if you have them all, but I have them all because each kid wants something different, and dad wants something different. Holy fuck. Am I paying I'm pay paying more in streaming a month than I'm paying for fucking medical bills. I know. Not not entirely Stroke, but Oh, no. What about that? No. Yeah. You watch anything You know, right now, anything that I actually do watch I'm trying to watch, like, Really positive things and all that. I just saw there's some movies, some comedy with who was the chief that was in the, What is it that not more games. What was it? Hunger Games. I don't know because I don't watch. I gotta say Funny MS shit. But, yeah, it's not intelligent shit. It's funny as shit. Oh, I don't want anything to do with it. That, no. Oh, okay. I've been working so much overtime now. Alright. Well, in your own words, make sure you're mindful of that over shift, but it is a holiday, so I'll cut you a slack. I mean, I I am with you. I'm at this weird point of the year where Yeah. I'm I'm I'm busy. So I'm running a lot. I'm working a lot. I seem to So I like to work at night, and when I work at night, I watch TV in the background. I obviously work for myself. I work at home. I have multiple TVs all over the house, so I'm always I always watch things. I justify my watching by watching podcasts on YouTube. I watch I watch a lot of stuff. Honestly, it's amazing how much stuff I watch, but I also get a ton of work done. Like, I'm always, You know, they say this to anybody. Multitasking is bad, but I think it's particularly bad for Stroke survivors that I've Yeah. You know, but I like to kinda work out my I guess it's working out my brain. That's what I like to qualify it at. Right now, I'm watching. I just got Peacock a couple weeks ago. Black Friday, like, $20 for the year. I love MS. So, I'm like a 20 year old girl sometimes. My daughter my daughter and I are, like, best friends. Obviously, we both watch. She watches shit on my watch. She likes she got me to Love Island a couple years ago, but I watch right now, I'm watching below I love you. Start seeing this Oh, yeah. Look at my hoodie. My hoodie's pink. My brandy's pink. I'm all about it. I went to Miami. I was all my friends from college are female. Yeah. No. I'm I'm a big Below Deck fan. I'm watching a bunch of a bunch of So I like to like Yeah. Below Deck is amazing television. Of course, it's Garbage television, but I love you know what I love? I love the drama, but I love no longer being a part of the drama. I think I have my own drama with my kids and my wife, which is about my Max on drama, so then that that's why I don't have any that's why nobody's called for, like, 4 weeks that I've spoken to on the phone because I really Don't wanna speak to people on the phone. So I have removed myself from most of the world, but I get all my drama from Bravo. So So it could be a little Andy Cohen, give me a little bit of Below Deck. Yeah. That's kind of what I'm watching now. And then, yeah, I just yeah. I'm reading a lot of books MS always. Some new ones. I I you know, I It's not like you've never documentaries. I love documentaries. I feel like I might have watched all of them on Netflix, like, I yeah. I haven't found a good one on Netflix. Did you see the activist? No. No. I'll just get that one from you. It's on Netflix. Look it up. Look that one up. Right. Yeah. Netflix is a stellar year where Netflix starts lagging a little bit, like, because it yeah. Which I don't understand. I guess everybody's, like, behind because of the actor Stroke and all that Shit, but, like that's why I got into watching podcasts. I'm like, just give me some con now now I'm really stretching them, like, I guess I guess I'll watch Hulu. Like, I paid for Hulu because my kids watch Disney plus. I guess. I can't handle a commercial anymore. I'm the worst. I I could give you a list of complaints about my my television watching. I yeah. I got Peacock, and I'm very mad that I didn't spend 60 more bucks for the year to just watch Adri because I cannot handle. And I was the guy that could watch, like, regular television because of sports, and I could handle commercials, but I can't handle. If I see one more Big pharma commercial, and I don't really care what they're selling or what they're pumping to people, but I just I just I don't wanna see 1 more piece. But here's what I wanna know. Why when they do the ads, does yours ask you which ad you wanna see? This 1 or that one? It's Does it ever happen on an option? I think it happens on Hulu, but I'll be honest. Yeah. I tried to I tried to limit my Hulu watching to to really Yeah. I'm like, hey, listen. Just play the dance game. Let's get How about how about this one? So my wife is Chilean, so she's Hispanics, which makes my daughter and 2 boys half Hispanic. I am the only non Spanish speaking person in my house. I just subscribed to Peacock. You know, last night MS daughter comes in, she's, like, watching me watch TV. She's, like, is that fucking commercial in Spanish? I was, like, yeah. She's, like, On Friday, so is it I don't know. I don't know. But do you guys in the settings or what? I'm I'm, like, I couldn't I I went to Miami. I should know Spanish, but I do not. I am the ultimate gringo and the biggest white boy on the planet. Yep. It's a tough time. I I honestly never learned Spanish because my mother-in-law is obviously Hispanic. She speaks Pretty minimal English, so I very purposefully never committed to Spanish because my wife and I sign. And You know, I love that my wife and I use sign language. My mother-in-law does not sign. So my my wife reads her lips in Spanish, and so the 3 of us never really have to talk to each other. It's really it's it's perfect. It really works out well. I feel guilty about because my boys don't really know Spanish because my daughter lived with us in Miami off and on. My boys have never lived in Miami. Grandma, so, and they are red headed white boys that are half Hispanic, which is hilarious to MS. And they know very little Spanish, which I I do feel a little guilty about that. But, anyways, so, yeah, I do wanna thank you, Margaret, for joining us on the podcast. Yeah. Well, well, we'll definitely have you back, and, yeah, I guess, I'm going to stop the recording. Bye, everybody. That was terrible. I'm gonna hang on. Just end up worrying.