37. Revelations in Recovery: Uncovering Unanticipated Insights Post-Stroke

for you. This Week in Episode 37, we talk a lot about the aha moments that I've encountered in my stroke recovery that you might encounter during your stroke every I don't know why I'm saying encounter weirdly. I am exhausted. I've been running. As usual a ton this week, recorded this episode this week a little bit earlier than usual, which is good working with Chris Day by friend and producer. You know, that's exciting. So this is his first episode, although it was a solo episode this week in Episode 37. Let's see some things we touched on again, the aha moments, I think the big ones for me. You know, this is gonna vary from person to person. And I think, you know, I hit on three of them this week, but there's probably a lot and I have a lot of them. I have experience every year since my stroke. Things that you never think will be the thing that work is often the thing that works or something comes along and surprises you that you didn't ever really think about. Sometimes they're obvious. In hindsight, sometimes, sir. You know, breathing, that's a good one. Like we all breathe, we all know we breathe, we I talked to a ton about the spirometer how everybody, every medical facility in the US, at least, they always give you that spirometer whether you're in their pregnancy, and having a birth, birth, or a child where they are where they are in there for heart surgery, anything and everything, they always have the spirometer there, but nobody shows you how to use the device to really expose sorry, the benefits of it. Gotta shove a cough button. Anyways. Yeah, so that's kind of the three big aha moments since my stroke in 2019. Realizing that, as a survivor, not everybody but mental toughness plays a big part. You know, you kind of grind through recovery, hopefully, eventually it gets to a place where things are really quite good, or definitely better than when they started. And you just kind of realized over time that you really do have that, that special gifts of mental strength that not everybody will just like do the hard things. You know, doing hard things is good because it proves that you can do them when you need to. This is very similar mental strength. After stroke, getting the importance of breathing. I talk a little bit about the disconnect between the medical professionals and the reality of life. It's not really a heartache. That's not going to be you know, any sort of thing other than things change. Again, parent family and friends support. You know, some hard truths that I think happen during short covering anyways, really good episode, lots of emotions, lots of feelings that starts always, as always, give me about the club and think lovable on all social channels. And yeah, enjoy episode 37 of the podcast this week. My name is Schmierer Welcome back to another survivor podcast this week in Episode 37. We're gonna be talking about some of the aha moments I've had as a barber over the course of the past three, four years coming up on my four year anniversary is December. And I am excited. He will be on screen he probably won't talk. But we are doing the first episode with new producer Chris and I'm excited to welcome him to the show tonight. Just as a reminder, if you're interested in connecting on social media, I am most found on twitter tick tock Instagram, a little bit of LinkedIn, although slowly working my way back there, kind of reluctantly getting back to Facebook, which is weird after hating Facebook for a number of years. Finding myself there because it does seem like there is a strong community of stroke survivors over there. And of course, as usual, every week, I say I am behind on YouTube, which is 100% the case still behind. Still back to Episode 29, which I'm hoping honestly in the next couple weeks. Really get on track with that I'm just going to force myself to do one to two videos a week. I gotta be honest, if I could figure out how to run a marathon 567 times a week. I rent 756.2 miles in the month of October, which is unfuckin real if I I can't believe I just said that. That is for the month of October 756.2 miles an hour. only know that because I checked Strava app. And yeah, I don't know why I thought check that yesterday, but that is a lot of miles. Good news. I feel great. Bad news bill, there's no real downside for me except for I have to keep listening to other people tell me that that will do too much as usual. It's exhausting. I'm just gonna stop telling people that, you know, like some of my doctors, like will you're doing too much well, before it wasn't doing enough now doing too much. It's aggravating to say the least. But that being said, as I always say, I would not be running 750 612 miles, if it hurt, if it sucked, if I didn't want to, I wouldn't be doing it. I had a conversation with somebody who's not a smoker today. But somebody who is a. She's a former ICU stroke nurse, somebody that I'm looking to hopefully have on the podcast in a couple of weeks here. And she's had a really great conversation. I always love talking to nurses or former nurses. And, you know, because they kind of get it. And they understand and they're very empathetic, and especially somebody worked in stroke unit. You know, they know, they've seen the good, bad and ugly and it is that always an interesting conversation. I'm really looking forward to having her on my show. And seeing how that goes. Yeah, let's hop into the the kind of the aha moments I've had over the last four years and continue to have. And before we do that, it do kind of want to just a quick story about what made me think of this topic this week is that over the weekend, I had another one of these aha moments, which I'm always surprised, again, going into your for this December of my stroke coverage journey, something I'd never thought I'd say at the age of 40. Yeah, it's been an interesting ride. And again, the show is to help show people that you know, you can make the most of your tech advanced help people navigate it, have conversations, you know, one of the things that took away from today's conversation is that she was talking about how she had just a recent guest who is specialized as in headaches and migraines. And a lot of times, there is some crossover between migraine people that have migraine stroke survivors, because, you know, for anybody that is familiar, one of the symptoms, not not not not as prevalent, maybe as slurred speech, paralysis, things like that, things that we're kind of accustomed to with stroke. But a lot of times, individuals have big, terrible, painful migraines or something very similar. And, you know, people, even the best actors and care teams in the world, sometimes they miss it, or sometimes they just don't know, because, you know, like myself, they don't think somebody that young is going to or having a stroke, and it winds up being the case, and how do you tell if it's a migraine or a stroke? You know, honestly, I don't even know the answer. Because that just, that wasn't something that I experienced, but, you know, something we'll talk about with her in the coming week. And it's a it's a really interesting story, but she wanted to talk, you know, part of her journey with being an ICU nurse and on the stroke team is that, you know, that kind of information, seeing making an appointment to see that doctor, which is a very special, special specialization, so you're talking like, it's hard to get in there, it's hard to see those doctors and some of the information they could share and get back to you on a podcast is a free resource for people you know, obviously, it's not the same as seeking medical treatment, having an appointment being able to see that but you could certainly see how that might be helpful to the larger population. You know, so again, that's that's an interesting thing. It's something I took away from that but my revelation this weekend was this is a little embarrassing, but I don't really care because I'm six foot eight through 25 pounds I've had a stroke I have MS like know that nothing can embarrass me at this point. Three kids 21 seven and nine a wife whose death by live went to Miami like um you know, I'm a lot and I love that and I hate that. But yeah, so a couple last month I saw my primary care which I see him twice a year. Everybody's different course every stroke survivor is different. I've neurologist, I have cardiologists from heart issues related to my stroke, you know, everything is under control. Everything is monitored. Everything is regulated now. I see a lot of different doctors, still to this day. I would say it's down from the peak of 1516 Doctors day I want to let you know we're in the single digits. Finally. Um, but I know there's been a lot of talk on Huberman on a lot of different podcasts about testosterone and men in their 40s, especially in their 40s and 50s. As you get older, obviously, you know, things change, man or woman, we all go through these changes. And, you know, I've done a lot of things about breathing later today. I do a ton of working out, I love working out, I love running up lifting weights. By all accounts, I should be you would think somebody at my fitness level now wouldn't need testosterone. But you know, having a stroke, it's not unusual, the have a little dip. And so when I talk to my doctor about it last month, and he is a great doctor, I love them, I'm not going to crap on him or give him any hit. It just, I brought it up. And he was a little dismissive, but I also wasn't fully prepared to have a conversation. I didn't really push. You know, let's talk about it more like, here's things I'm thinking about. I brought it up. And rightfully so, you know, because there is some issues with survivors and art, and you gotta be careful with testosterone. It really, you know, I had asked, Should we check my levels? Because I've noticed a dip in, in certain things. Predominantly libido. They just don't have it. You just, I mean, I have it, but it does like it. You know, it's hard to tell sometimes. Is it stroke related? Because I'm in my 40s, is it because you know, I'm still not 100% Fully is fitness I want to be. I'm not yet the World's Strongest Man. Although I'm certainly gaining traction and trying to get there, which is ridiculous. six foot eight 325 ounces a stroke. So I were living with MS. Nothing could be more ridiculous, trying to be the world's strongest man. Although I'm into it, I'm feeling it. I'm thinking about it. I'm lifting hard, I'm lifting heavy, I won't really get into that. But I have started really lifting weights. And lo and behold, I started doing this, you know, lifting the whole time. But I've been not taking it that seriously because in the beginning, I was lifting weights and I was just doing, you know, the bare minimum, I think in some areas because I just lacked coordination after my stroke. Very frustrating to not be benching. You know, we had a go around without a thought, in my 20s, to then be in my 30s. And going into my 40s. It was difficult, but I'm getting on track and now probably doing as my running is excessive. I'm pretty sure my weight training is excessive. And that has been spurred by the resurrection of reading Arnold Zhu book, which I've talked about a few times and our feral talk about it towards the end of this podcast. Anyways, long story short, you know, my aha moment this weekend was that I've been on antidepressants since my stroke. That's not unusual for stroke survivors. So if they somebody at my age at 37, very, not uncommon, but I would say unusual. It's not a typical stroke age. There are many different types of strokes, we all know that different, you know, different approaches different different things to different causes. Sometimes it's genetic, sometimes it's a heart defect, sometimes it's you know, in my case, combination of a lot of different things. For whatever reason, you know, I, I won the shit lottery, I got nailed with a stroke. And then two months later, Ms. It's okay. I always think that I can handle it. I have handled it, I think doing the show. You know, sometimes people call me an inspiration. It's weird. I don't like it that much. Because I feel awkward. I don't know how to respond to it. But the reality is a whole life. I've been somebody who wants to stand up for you know, the little guy, somebody, somebody, people that don't have a fighting chance, like I'm willing to take the hit, if it means everybody else and learn from it. That's just the way I was raised. That's the way I really truly believe that, you know, it. Said I'd rather none of us went through it. I'd rather I never went through it. But the reality is, I certainly would rather I went through it than any my kids or my wife or any family member. You know, I genuinely feel that way across the board. And a lot of things I know may sound a little crazy, but it's the truth. You know, I'm always been a good loyal friend. I believe in integrity and honor you know, All those things encouraged and Yeah. Even when I was in high school things like thinking back to like, where my friends might get trouble, like I was kind of the good student so I would always take the rap I, you know, blame it on me because I'm the one pushing behind the scenes and, frankly, sometimes I was the one pushing behind the scenes, you know, but at the same time I was pushing because I was like, Hey, let me take this. Let me take the rap. Let me take the beat like nobody, you know, nobody's gonna I think that's just a big guy thing. I think that's that's pretty natural. The only time I ever hated that when my friends did that is when they would like, say something or do something dumb and then know that I would take the fall for it. And then like, you know, I don't mind taking the fall. But don't don't don't talk your way into a fight and then make be the frontman for the fight. I don't want that. But yeah, this is. Long story short, I keep Sorry, I'm all over the place today. This is what happened when I record it in the evening after running all day, I guess that amp and I and now I can't respect right. So anyways, I had this realization of antidepressants, again, are are something I've been on since by stroke. And this is again, sanitized. So one of the aha moments is that my doctor didn't even mention, you know, maybe that we need to start to shift or wean off the antidepressants, because I don't know, it's this early note that I need to be taking them anymore. I'm fine taking them. But I do think we've reached the point at which I could explore coming off of them. Well guess what causes a lower libido, possibly. not guaranteed, I can't tie it directly to it. But antidepressants are new SSRIs are known to possibly cause a lower libido, which makes a lot fuckin sense. And, you know, again, I love my doctor, he's I didn't mean to be dismissive. I didn't feel like it was time. I just thought this weekend, some reason it popped in my head, I was like, I wonder if the antidepressants and Fonville a maybe. So I'm going to be looking at it that is weak. And again, I have thought about this last episode, like I'm on more medications now than I've ever been on. And I'm running about 5000 miles for the year calendar year of running. And I haven't dropped a single medication off my plate. I don't want to get too far down the road. But that's, you know, let's get as the spine, we're 10 minutes, 15 minutes into the episode. And some of the aha moments that I've really had since by stroke in 2019, is that, you know, this is gonna sound corny, this is gonna sound cliche, you may not have had these experiences, you may not feel this way. But again, this show is just to share my thoughts and really spark ideas, conversations for you as survivor and realizing a lot of things. And some of the things are obvious. And sometimes they're obvious later. Because there's too many things as a stroke. So I heard it come back from it. And depending on where you're at your deficits that you might have from stroke, the type of stroke you have the physical state, you're in prior to or after, you know, all these things play a factor. But really, the number one thing that I think I really have realized over the last four years is that you know, this, this may be unique to me, but I think all stroke survivors are mentally and physically tougher than they think. And one of the things that I realized is that I've always had a pretty good mental toughness. I come from a German family, German background, Northern, Northern European background, just said sort of, like grit and determination, like almost to a fault. You know, my mom was at a I always think of my mom when I think about this, but my dad was tough too, too. But he was like he got he was different than me. Clearly things skip a generation sometimes because my dad was not a tall guy until he really didn't jump to the six foot range until like, the end of high school and college. And then you know, my mom grew up with three brothers and two sisters and just a bear big family. My dad had a big family too, but my mom definitely comes from the people know my mom as a tough, strong, strong, tough, like my dad is and rightfully so. In his youth he was not, which is something thankfully, I was always a big kid. and was able to work my way around that. So a lot of that comes from my mom. But the Mental Toughness thing I think you don't really realize at the beginning. I think it helped me with my recovery, because sports and I just had this sort of mental toughness that people always have talked to me about. And I don't know how to explain it, I don't know how to teach it, I don't know how to share the wisdom, per se. It's, for me is to something that was, you know, when I, when I spoke to somebody today, when I was probably a new friend and get gas. I just I, my situation, like everybody else is very different. But like, I have three kids wife, death, like my parents passed the year before my stroke in 2018. My sisters live, you know, all over the country, they certainly came in and help. But a lot of the time, I've had to figure a lot of this out on my own, with not a ton of support. Which is another aha moment that I've had, you know, and I think, I think sticking with main point here is that you are tougher than you think. And there are down days or ugly days or grueling days. There are hard days, there are still hard days for years, and they're still hard days, like I talked to Chris before this episode, but there are things that I'm amazed that I could do and things that I'm amazed that I still can't quite do. So it's interesting, it's hard, it's tough. But there really is nothing. You know, I've said this before, and I think I'm I was a little incorrect because I thought about it more. Michael's day facts come comes to mind in Parkinson's, I do think that is a very tough thing. I think there are similar things to stroke, like Parkinson's, like on Julian Julian bear bar have a forget the name of it. But there are some other you know, obviously, I have MS. I don't find it particularly difficult, but are certainly types of Ms. And these were people's ms really does affect them very differently, and D ability or debilitates them to a much greater extent mine does. You know, thankfully, one thing I have MS. For me, it's always seemed like a secondary thing. Because everything that has been messed up was messed up because of stroke and other related things. The MS while prevalent, seems to be monitored seems to be under control, for the most part, and I could always change like they will as I get older in life, but I seem to be doing things controlling that for now. So with the Mental Toughness thing you can overcome against stroke. Battling something like Parkinson's, you know, there are a lot of similar similar things that people go through, you know, even cancer, I think we take for granted some so often now that answer a lot of cancer. A lot of people are able to come back from cancer, a lot of people are able to eliminate cancer, a lot of great research happening in different areas of cancer. So, you know, that's a big thing. There's a lot of things, but you know, there's a heart attack is a difficult thing come back from I just when I think about stroke and the difficulty of coming back and recovering from that, you know, Parkinson's is always going to be a difficult thing. And again, I obviously don't have Parkinson's, but I just I would say that seems to be the most similar and relatable in terms of overall battling back and fighting for your own life. You know, when stroke, definitely spans spans a wide range, I have a friend who's a stroke survivor who was good, largely, physically a month after but she was younger, he had a hemorrhagic stroke, not ischemic stroke, which is a little different. He has full motor functionality across the board. He does have some emotional things and some some some desires. Some of them are hidden, you know, aspects of stroke. And a lot of things she's talked about with me where things have she's changed her ways, she changed her life. You know, things are different, but she is lucky in the fact that she was able to drive early after her stroke you know, physically has been able to do quite a bit. Really, you know, again, I'm making an observation because this is somebody that I know but and somebody again that I will have on our guests, hopefully in the coming weeks that we're looking to get together and meet up soon. But she somebody that I know From different medical facilities Randy's but he's, I'm sure he's got more specific but largely is able to handle the day to day for the most part. And anyways, there's just a toughness that I think comes with things like that spur ticular stroke, especially if you've been rehabilitated, put into a wheelchair like myself, where you learn to walk, we're learning to write, you're learning to live your life. And, yeah, you just, it's hard to motivate people that stay strong. But I gotta be honest, before we get to this episode, I'm going to encourage you to keep staying strong because seeing the results. It is hard, definitely hard. We've talked about that at nauseam on this show. But I'm telling you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be the light you want. But you can definitely keep pushing, keep grinding, keep trying keep working at it, it definitely does get better. It doesn't get easier. It just gets better. It gets better in a different way. And things open up. You start having a lot of these aha moments like another big one I've talked about ad nauseam here is the importance of breathing. And again, I got moved about this just today. Breathing really? Yeah. Turns out so yeah, I think I've talked I know I talked about this on other episodes, but the spirometer, which is the name of the thing that I always forget, there's a spirometer, which is a stupid thing that has like a thing that goes up and down. I should have brought one for the podcast show anyway. But it's every hospital. It's on every tray table, every hospital you've ever been to in the States, at least, that has a tray table. I don't care if it's, you know, the worst hospital in the world. They always have this. Nobody at any hospital has ever shown me how to use these properly. I've never even had a YouTube video. I'm sure I could. I wanted to. I have found other techniques for breathing that work for me. But this device is every goddamn hospital. Whether you're there for pregnancy, or you're having a child, but doctors nurses are like, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. Everybody's talking about breathing. But nobody's nobody says hey, here's how to use this device. Here's why it helps. They all just talk about it. Like it's like, like you should just know how to use. And if you've ever used a spirometer or tried to use it, it is fucking impossible. It's this little thing. First of all, it's all mouth breathing, which we'll get into. Not the best. Not the worst. Listen, breathing through your mouth is president and not breathing at all. But let's be honest. There's there's more to it than just that. Right? Nobody shows you how to use it. They'll just tell you to do it. Oh, breathe. Did you do your breathing this motherfucker? You show me how to do the breathing. It says that they make sense to me why I'm doing this? Could somebody in the hospital that you're paying 1000s of dollars for in shorter not? Good. Somebody takes five to 10 minutes to explain how to use it. The benefits of using it? And are there other options? Like example, nasal breathing. I know I've talked about it a ton. But here's the power of nasal breathing that I've talked about ad nauseam. But I'm gonna say it again in case you're new to this show or this episode. I am six foot eight 325 Fucking pounds, okay, and I run to 26.2 miles at least five times a week. Prior to my stroke, I didn't run at all. Now I'm a stroke survivor and I'm running a lot. That's a lot of miles. I'm going across 5000 therapy. I just talked about 756.2 for the month of October. My aha moment was that I was a mouth breather my whole life. Right? Not uncommon, it's okay. Generally it's not killing people. Although, you know, to take that with, you know, we're cautiously. Breathing is important. We all recognize the importance of breathing. But nobody shows how to breathe better. Nobody to when somebody's got a cramp. They're just like, Oh, you're fat or you're lazy or you're just not a good runner. Okay, well, that those are all true statements. Probably. I was fat. I wasn't a good runner. I didn't have good technique. You know, but the point is, something clicked and I had these aha moments. And that's why I talk about these and you know, this is probably just gonna be three this week, but I'll talk about more in the future. Oh, how? You know, I don't accept doctors have all the answers. But like, no, it's just bizarre to me that nobody brought this to my attention until I found it. And it's generally changed my life. I went from hating running, never running Two and a half years into my stroke every finally figuring out like, Hey, I'm not a cigarette smoker, I should be breathing better, why are I breathing better? Because I'm breathing through my mouth, because I didn't realize you could train yourself to breathe through your nose. And, you know, this, this really speaks to the aha moments are things that you, as a stroke survivor, you're going to, nobody's gonna have all the answers for you, you're just going to have to figure a lot of things out. I have more thoughts on that. And one of the reasons I talked to the person I talked to today is because he also has a podcast. And we're talking about collaborating and sharing information, because it's not easy. You know, I hate to use a phrase, it takes a village, but it is as a truck. So I write takes a village, it takes resources takes time, it takes trial and error, it takes Natalie trial and error, but finding the things to trial and error, and then doing the trial and error, because what worked for somebody else may not work for you. But sharing the story of like, Hey, I used to be a cigarette smoker, I used to be you know, a lot of things I was an alcoholic, I was bad shape. I didn't take care of myself my 30s, which is ironic to take great care of myself, my 20s. You know, and I just got off track and I got way off the rails and didn't have any support. And I sort of just had to figure this out after my stroke, because again, having a family having a wife and kids, it's uncommon, but it's not insane. There are lots of truck drivers that are younger, unfortunately, it's great that there's so many people doing education and helping, you know, prevention. I'm a big fan of prevention, but I'm also a big fan of like, the reason I do this show in particular is because prevention is great. very worthwhile endeavor. It's something that I'm grateful for that people are having those conversations because again, I even though I don't think it's the best fit for me, I believe in it, I believe. You know, I believe that people should be aware of the signs, people should be aware of what to anticipate how to avoid it at all costs. Because believe me, it's fucking hard to come back from this. Like I keep saying that. It's just, it's, you don't see everybody handling a stroke the way I'm handling because I'm one and in a place to do it, too. I'm insane. Three, I just do have that mental toughness that, you know, that sounds like an arrogant buck. But like I just have a toughness that not everybody is born with. Not everybody has ingrained in the not everybody has that drive and that, you know, willingness to really change things up. I mean, I I told somebody today, I was like, I changed everything. Because I knew in my 30s that I had kind of gotten way off track, way off the rails, I was doing everything properly. I wasn't doing everything wrong, but I was doing a lot of things wrong. And some of those choices I do regret because honestly, I would have rather been a runner in my 30s I would have rather never had a stroke. I hope you on the other end of this podcast, never have a stroke. But the reality is, if you do I want to help other people figure it out is the aha moments are are really you know that breathing is a big one. But the disconnect between medical professionals who are all 99% of the time, amazing, great land, they're around, they are doing great work there. They are trying their best or want to help they so many selfless people working in the healthcare industry. Outside of like the actual people doing the medical coding and billing all the nurses all the all the advocates, all the people that I talked to are really genuinely most of the time amazing. Very often it rarely are they not talking about that one experience that I had with a doctor where he I don't even like talking about it. It's not worth talking about but he said something that really he wasn't wrong about but he also wasn't correct. And I felt like he was very judgmental and a place you know, bedside manner is super important. I'm not saying we can't have a conversation. Oh, laugh and if I say something about my past that, you know, could spark a conversation. That's fine. But the reality was, it was not we were not joking in a way that that might have been the path to go to. Anyways. Yeah, so sometimes there's this guy between medical professionals. I've talked with this to it as in with with physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists. They're all great people really doing great work, generally want to help but they don't live day to day life. And they say certain things that they're not wrong about but they're also like they're not raising three kids. They're not living life, they don't have family. Ideally, yeah. When you have your show, and you're trying to work on your hand, yeah, of course, I'd love to sit there for three hours trying to write a fucking one page paper. But the reality is, I don't know, three hours to write a one page paper. If I thought that was going to help, the immediacy of me getting my handwriting back full capacity, I would do it. But the reality is, it's going to take a lot more work than that. And so you have to balance you know, overdoing it with the left hand if your right side affected, you know, it's always a given take. And I think just having more support for survivors by survivors is really important to me. And, you know, I think that I've taught the people I've talked to so far are in agreement with that, that there just needs to be more collaboration, less siloed information, and I don't even think it's siloed intentionally Half the time I think it just people get into a groove people a lot of strokes are started charity, a lot of 501 sees out there a lot of ambitious, myself included very ambitious always behind. But produce producing the show producing YouTube videos, getting caught up, hopefully at the end of the year are really building out survivor science in terms of resources and materials, collaborating with other people. It's not, you know, not trying to be a millionaire or being a truck, sir. I'm just trying to, you know, pay pay my way and make money obviously, as entrepreneur, that goal. But you know, to also do it in a way that is for the greater good is something I believe in it says he's something I liked about our book. He talks a lot about that. You know, I've been talking about Arnold a lot lately. The book really resonates with me, it's one of the better books I've read in a while I just I just kind of always been a fan of Arnold. You know, the one thing I don't know a lot about it, he doesn't talk about it a ton of the book. Whatever happened with him and Maria as between him Maria, you know, it's a little disheartening. But for the most part, Arnold seems like a stand up guy had had a had a thing. At the moment, not the best. I don't know. I don't know what happens when you're a movie star in a governor of state of California and you know, you're Mr. Olympian and world champion bodybuilder and had an amazingly thrilling career with family. It life's hard, you know, and I don't judge report just I think Arnold is one of the more stand up people that, you know, again, I've never met the guy, I feel. Listen, even his work with the Special, Special Olympics, you know, that into itself is something near and dear to my heart. Because Best Buddies is the thing here in Florida that I used to be a part of the 90s Something I was thinking about last night, I get back into that. That's probably you know, where I started this episode, it was really, you know, I'm, you know, you can call me a lot of things call me inspirational, I don't really necessarily believe it. Partially because I put myself in a spot where I'm here. And I am figuring it out. And I'm sharing the journey. And I guess, if it's inspirational, great, if it's not great, you know, it's a sweat off my back. There's always a fighter for the underdog. I'm always champion for people who need a little or rather a very large human in their corner. You know, again, not the always say it, but I just remind people that on this podcast, you can't tell that I'm six great 325 pounds. And I'm a big ass dude. And that is that I don't take that lightly. I take that with a sincere, you know, sense of responsibility. So when I say things, like I push back on my doctors, and I bring questions that I I'm not afraid to have those tough conversations. You know, do I want to talk about low libido and 40 or for myself? Not particularly, but listen, you know, it's an issue. I want to figure it out. And I I love my doctor, like I said, but the fact that he didn't even think to bring that up. Me. It's a little concerning, but we'll get it squared away. not a deal breaker, not gonna go find another doctor. He's a really great doctor. You know, probably didn't occur to him last month on a Friday morning when I met with them, frankly, didn't occur to me either. So that's why you had that aha moment over the weekend. Anyways, we're getting a little I'm getting a little long here. So I do want to kind of wrap things up. Let's see. The one thing I do want to discuss, which is another aha moment. For me, is, you know, I think I'll do a separate episode but something I kind of want to put everybody's ears I think there's a few things that will will be Talk about the coming weeks. But thinking about aha moments is that when you first have a stroke, and I want to be candid and honest here, I've had a lot of great support from family and friends. You know, and I had my stroke right before the pandemic, so very weird time with a lot of weird things going on with the world got very strange. Even here in Florida, you know, I know people get shut off Florida and ironic versus Texas. It was shit on Texas, sometimes in California. And there's, you know, every state is different. You know, wherever we are, I don't want to talk too much about it. Because sometimes it gets flagged on YouTube and things like that. I just know that I put way worse things in my body. So I don't care what they want to put it now. Yeah. But I was candid with the person I spoke to today as like, you know, I used to never do the flu shot because I always knew who to get the flu shot thing. Now I just take it because I'm like, Well, I'm put in or whatever. But again, that's that's my take, because I've endured a lot of other things. So I don't care what people want to put on me. My thought now is I'm just give me everything because I, I want to give myself the best chance to not have a second stroke, because going through the first one is not particularly fun. And again, family is great. It's great to have support. I know I've talked a lot about community the last couple episodes in this episode. But here's the reality. Family is great. Family is amazing. But family wants to get back to their life, right? I never wanted to be a burden on people. And I probably was in the beginning. I know I was didn't mean to be wasn't intentional. You know, I really tried to work through that and try to figure out a way around that. Challenges, some hiccups, some family discrepancies, some, some separating of time, some space and time. You know, again, my parents passed the year before my stroke. Everybody reached out in the beginning, but that was very short lived. And it's fine. I don't really listen, if I needed help, I'd ask for help. I. That's the other thing that I really had an aha moment about this weekend. I love my wife. But she's clearly as I've said this before. On the show, I love my wife to death, of death to report, but she doesn't operate the way I operate. So when I've started asking for help, out of necessity in 2020 I had to learn that she doesn't move the pace I move at which is you know, I move I move it at a pace that honestly sometimes I forget that I'm a stroke survivor. And other people forget it because I'm just you know, I'm not back back. But I'm pretty close back and I'm I move at a different pace and a different speed. And the majority of people that I know are better or worse. It's not really a comparison thing. It's just It's the truth. My wife likes he's Hispanic she's Chile and she's South America. He is a US citizen but she was not until prior to us getting married I think I remember it work. They were right after we got married but she's she's us since then she always had her green card. You know all that good stuff. But she definitely lives on Miami time this onto a time like she likes a nice long lunch. Like, don't get me started on that. Lot of time wasting God, I want her to read our old book because Arnold just gives you know what I love about our book, as an aside is that he just he just bucket says it like it is it says what He means and he means what he says and I just again, not to use an egregious F word but just fucking tells the truth. And that's that's, that is part of this show telling you as a survivor, the honest truth like shits hard. Days are tough. Things are rough family will be there temporarily, but you better figure out how to live your life without the help of others. And if you need to help others, you better figure out how that helped, what that help looks like. Because there it's not going to be family, you're going to have to bring somebody in whether it's home health, whether it's I don't know, programs, MIDI driver, like there's there are resources, but they're limited. Again, this going back to community building that not only you know, the community at large but building survivor sites, the websites that there's at least even if you don't want to be a member of a paid community, which is the plan that paid but also have the free resources because you want to share those opportunities. What Ever they are with other people. So like, you know, if you need support you live in the middle of I don't know, went to South Dakota and you have a stroke, right? There's probably not as many resources as you would have on the east coast of Florida or New York or LA or, or anywhere, or if you live on the other side of the world. And there please set up have three, four, 5g Internet access, but they don't have like, an ambulance for I don't know. multiple countries. I mean, like, yeah, it's, it's wild. So again, going back to things that I'm thinking about, it's like, you know, there is that fluctuating support? How do you handle that family and friends like that there in the beginning, we got to figure out a way around it, the end, because you're just lying to yourself, if you think you're gonna be around forever, you're lying to yourself, if you think, you know, nobody wants to be a burden. But I think at some point does get a little tricky. And hopefully, the way it goes is that people are working with you, pushing you a little bit further, a little bit out of your comfort zone, you know, to work on before, pushing pushes that motivated you to to take one more step to do one more thing. You know, if you think about it, in terms of days, we talked about planning and prioritizing it, that is a whole big thing. Teach her on on prioritization. What if he just had to figure out what matters to you the most time as you're going through the recovery, but you know, everything is personal. You know, I think if you're somebody who is debilitated to the point where you can't walk, and you're, you're able to start to walk, I think walking is a big one, I think gaining that sense of independence. That looks different for everybody. But we're also not prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions. Again, my friend, she's amazing. He also left her previous career and is working kind of in a similar field, but for a different, different organization, and one that fits her goals and her vision for the long term. You know, she still likes to work for somebody else. Which is good answer. I was talking about it with a friend the other day, I like working for other people. I just haven't had I haven't found a good fit for me and my lifestyle and buy my thing and not really not against it, but I'm not actively seeking full time employment for somebody else. But uh, you know, it's always something I think about, especially as a father and a parent, you know, a little bit of security, there might not be the worst thing. Certainly, I've tried to do that. You know, it's been an interesting year, but we'll see where things go down the road. But anyways, I think the importance of community is have a place that it's safe, where you can talk to other people, ask questions, just have conversations that maybe you can't have with family or, you know, maybe you're feeling like a burden to your family, but you want to talk to another survivor who like, Hey, how did you handle this or what worked for you? So many things question like endless opportunities, I think we're collaborating. I'm really excited about bringing in other other friends from my treatment centers and rehabs, things like that. Yeah. I think the last thing I want to talk about, you know, I'm talking a lot about Arnold's book because it is really, uh, I'd say it's one of my more favorite books of the year. And I guess because I'm a fan of Arnold and Arnold was an action movie star when I was a kid, I grew up with Arnold book from my dad. You know, in the 90s. You know, I remember lifting weights as a kid with my dad and we had a smaller home gym. You know, my dad was not a professional bodybuilder by any means. But he had gotten in shape in his 40s. He fortunately did not have a stroke. So I think honestly, if you look at the My life is kind of similar trajectory to my dad's except for I didn't flunk out of college the first time around because he already that. However, he didn't have a stroke in his 30s Because he took fitness very seriously. Definitely, in his later 30s Going into his 40s, I did not and now I'm doing exactly what he did. I just wish I had done it sooner. Anyway, the thing that Arnold really says that I really want to drive home in this episode here at the end is that towards the end of the book, he talked about the importance of being present and staying focused on little things. You know, I think everybody should develop a vision. Hopefully you do a four stroke. But if you've had a stroke, and you're fine, you're tough enough. Speights where you're like, Okay, now take the time to think about what you want. Take the time to revisit what you want. Don't be afraid to change things. When you want what you want, how you want it. Just, you know, be present, be honest, be truthful to yourself, and assess the reality of your situation. Because it is hard. It is difficult, be there people come in, people go out. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you. Yes, I do. Say listen to people, be open minded. Listen to your doctors, telling him not to do a thing. It doesn't mean to. Here's where I get a little hung up sometimes is that like you're running too much, am I because I'm really focused on not hurting myself. Or to hurt myself, I'm not talking run, like I'm not not gonna run her. Like it's not worth it. It's not enjoyable. I just I run slower. I run it takes a long ass time. A lot of my days sometimes saying How far along are my mood? Don't be afraid to question things. But also like, when you're not feeling it, just be present. And stay focused on those little things. Because they matter. And they'll make the difference over the course of time. Again, I'm only four years in. But I can safely say now. Where I was beginning is very different than where I'm at now. And it is very difficult to see in the beginning. But I encourage you to stick with it. Because over time, you will unravel things, you'll have these kind of aha moments, they may be exactly what I told you, they might be very different. Questions, question them, think about them, again, as others because maybe I didn't go through it, but maybe somebody else did went through it. And they have some some things to share. And I've found that with stroke survivors, they're not reluctant to share, they just don't know where to cheer or how to share. You know, on social media, it's great. But sometimes they might feel judged by other people who are not necessarily stroke to ours. But you know, it's an unfortunate thing. And I think, again, why I keep thinking I keep harping on this and it's going to comment is going to be built in it is in the process of being built is that people need a safe space. And who better I am by mine. I could be dead is wrong. But I gotta believe I hope there hasn't been a space like this that I've seen online yet. In this way, who better to run this truck driver than a six foot eight 325 bound. stroke survivor who used to be a bodyguard, who used to be a competitive eater who used to be an architect who work in the web. I have a lot of you know, people call me a generalist, but I have a lot of skills and a lot of life lived at 40 Even 40 as jokes are things that I can share. I absolutely do not know everything I know, I don't know everything. I am not the smartest guy in the room. I just got really good at googling. In my lifetime, I just have to be of the age that grew up with social media grew up with googling that, you know, I also know how to use an encyclopedia. I know how to look things up in an actual dictionary. I know what an actual dictionary is. I mean, I had an Encyclopedia Britannica set, I believe 92 edition. But why didn't the 90 edition? Golden green? Yeah, I don't have it anymore, thankfully. Because I carry around a lot of encyclopedias of painting as we let go. When my parents passed, but uh, yeah, I think I think, anyways, that that's kind of where I'll leave it for community and recovery. Just know that when things are not going well is just keep sticking with plan. Those little things, they add up, they do matter. And over time. You know, you can look back and realize like, yeah, well maybe wasn't worth X amount of time, or this took a little longer than you hope. But I think if you keep sticking with it, you find that results, change your attitude changes. And yeah, you know, that's sometimes that's why I run a shit ton because I got stuck where I feel lost for the day. And I'm like, You know what, I'm gonna go run 20 miles because that isn't the worst thing I could do for my body. And it's certainly better than sitting around being like, what should I do? Run is run. I mean, you don't have to be a runner, but I'm saying back at that kind of thing. Go for a walk, move around, get out. I can't, I can't say enough. Movement of some kind. And again, last last thing I'd say is breathing is a big one. Breathing is something you practice change while you're in a wheelchair, which is the most frustrating thing to me because I think if we If I had gotten on the track to breathing better while I was in a wheelchair, it just would have accelerated things a little differently. It would have, you know, I don't know that anything would have changed timeline. It's what it does. It's something you could do that is good for your health that improves circulation, improves blood flow, both things that are great when you're in a wheelchair, you're kind of limited in what you can do. It kind of gets the ball rolling, you know, in a good way. There's no downside so breathing better, which is the big thing. Yeah, but teats around. Again, I just wish more hospitals and care facilities really put more emphasis on that because I think that's an easy win for a lot of people in the early days. Anyways, things are talking about this week books podcast shows. Not oral but on Netflix. Sly Stallone, my man. Former big fan of rocky big fan of Rambo. Big fan of Ed. I guess we're having an 80s and 90s throwback to sly and Arnold because they're both in their 60s now. Actually think they might. Yeah, so watch the documentary and sly on Netflix. That was really good. I enjoyed that. A good watch. rewatched Bill burrs special from Red Rock. Malibu bar he's a fantastic filbur is I don't wanna say spirit animal, but I just said it. Yeah, Gilbert is the man. No, we have very similar we're a little bit of a we're I don't think he calls himself a junior. I definitely don't call myself a drinker. I still shaved my head even though I can grow my hair out. Shout out to Chris who is a hello achiever shaver although some people it's I always say this I should shut my mouth because I guarantee you in the not too distant future. Both my dad and my grandfather had full heads of hair that they passed. I just do not have a full head of hair because I absolutely hate my hair. Probably because it's bread. So I've been shaving my head since about 10 years old. Yeah, maybe about nine maybe even eight might have been first grade I saw my first grade teacher and I said no more. But I've been off and on probably since high school for sure. I stopped growing my hair out high school I think a couple of ladies convinced me of it in college and I have the only reason I saw I don't have fish people i I'm going to do it. No not gonna do it because I want to take my headphones off but yeah, so my head is shaved I favorite willingly. I do grow it out sometimes to just check that it's all still there. All the follicles are still there. The hair can be grown out. I just don't want to fucking hate being honest. My wife keeps asking me to grow it out. It is the one thing my wife asked. I refused to do. Just do not like it. Yeah, my son has a mullet. He's got full head of hair mullet. My other son has not a mullet. But pretty long hair. He's full ginger on top. I'm absolutely sure that's why I never want to grow my hair out. Plus, I don't really want to go to that awkward stage. We're growing it out. Anyways. Enough about me but that's why I love bill burr because we're an Andrew Santina. They're both fellow gingers in the comedy space great podcast Sikora. He did it with Colin Quinn. This morning. That was a good one. David Arnold's book, highly recommend it definitely recommended reading Cocaine Cowboys, which is always a fascinating read to me. I love everything about Miami and cocaine. And that book does not disappoint. I think because I lived in Miami. In the 2000s I know all the places mentioned in the book I had spent 15 years in Miami off and on. I was part of that world and I culture. So So it's fascinating to me. I don't know what it is, I guess probably because I went to you and because of all the 80s 90s early 2000s movies, you know, thinking about Tony Madonna. Blow all those movies. They were you know, Scarface Yeah. I guess I'm a real east coaster with the mob movies sopranos where I grew up all the Alpha Miami. Kings in Miami. Yeah, that's all interesting stuff. Those are all good things. Again, Orleans book is really good. Let's see if I want to put on deck I got a couple of good books over the weekend. There's a book sale on Audible. A See ya kings of cocaine, which is actually an older book and whatever I read it, or get our old book has be useful. Really good doing some some reading of things that I probably don't need to be reading. I'm reading, as always a brain book on neuroplasticity, although I don't really love it so far, but we'll see if I mentioned it next week. It's better. Interesting book on anthropology and the study of humanity. I am fascinated with humans and psychology and anthropology and just people in general continue to fascinate me. Just like somebody I met this weekend at the gym who just randomly started talking to me, which I enjoyed. Briefly, although I do admit, when my workouts get interrupted, talk to people, rather just talk, I'll talk to anybody about anything. I just rather talk when I'm done. Anyways, I'm gonna leave it there. I know I went really long today. Appreciate you stick with me as always, email, the podcast podcast at lowball thriver.com Go check out the website. Some new things will be popping up that I will be talking about next week. As always things in the show notes you find different things. I will talk to person see if you put some things in the show notes or we're gonna be continuing to do things in the future. I hope you have a good week.