33. From Addiction to Recovery: How a Stroke Became a Catalyst for Positive Change

Hey, hey, hey, a couple of quick notes before we hop into Episode 33 of the level server podcast. This week, we're talking a lot about the never quit mentality. This is something that I have. I think others do, too. I think as survivors, we sort of, there's no guidebook, there's no handbook. Lots of people who've tried to give us lots of information. Most of it's helpful, some of us it's helpful, some of it's useless. I talk about sort of the beginnings, what led to my stroke, how I've embraced that second chance at life. And that really is a primary reason I do this podcast because I want to share my journey, in hopes that it can help others. Yeah, just talk about a ton of stuff this week, really embrace, like I said, embracing that second chance. Some unique challenges for me and younger survivors is that often the survivors that are parents, and definitely younger parents with younger children. I think that's not necessarily a neglected group. But I think that is something that gets a little bit lost at times, I guess, I don't know how to say that. But I talk a lot about personal growth, taking responsibility, reflection, you know, I reflect back on everything that I was doing wrong, and how I've sort of swung the pendulum to the other side, probably a little bit extreme, when you think about going from being an alcoholic, to no longer be an alcoholic, no longer a cigarette smoker, really just trying to learn from my mistakes. And I really, that's one of the biggest lessons I love sharing with other people is that like, you know, I was very close to like, quite possibly losing my life, as we all are as stroke survivors. You know, the percentage is not great, it's definitely better than 50% that we survived. But there are no guarantees. And there are no guarantees after you've had a stroke that you won't have another. And so making an effort to make positive change, learn from mistakes, and very grateful for the opportunity. I know it sounds a little preachy, but I just really want to impress on other people that you cannot achieve whatever you put your mind to. That's another big topic, a lot of people, not so much survivors. But other people have heard my story, they find it inspirational. I don't disagree, but I also have some arguments against whites. It's certainly never meant to be inspirational. I'm just trying to live my life, share the journey, share the lessons learned all those things. You know, I take a lot of responsibility for my past behaviors that you know, we're not so great when it comes to alcohol and not asking for help sooner. But anyways, I hope you enjoy episode 33 This week of the podcast, and let's get going now. My name is Schmierer Welcome back to Episode 33 of the wobble survivor podcast today, we're gonna be talking about to never quit mentality. There are some things that have come up recently, in particular, last couple of weeks, that I kind of want to discuss their topics, again, as always, that are common. They're things that come up, if you're a stroke survivor, they are things this particular topic this week, on the never quit mentality is something near and dear to my heart. It is something I guess I you know, I always hesitate to use these words, but definitely not an expert, but definitely on a mission to kind of figure this out. For me. And by proxy, I think it has some other side effects that I'd never, never really think about. never really anticipated. I'm always surprised about when people bring it up. It's not you look normal or you don't look like you've had a stroke but it's similar it is in the same category probably ish. You know, it's a really I'll be honest, this is difficult for me to talk about because I just see it as my reality and the life that I live and the life that I'm trying to live to lead by example to show others what's possible but was never For my attention, so if this sounds weird or a little douchey, that's not my intent. But I think there's something here because it keeps coming up. It's come up a lot over the years. And it's come up for various reasons. And sometimes I ask why. And sometimes I don't necessarily ask why I just say thank you and move on. It's not a bad thing. It's not a, you know, it's an awkward thing. And I'm sure others have had this experience, others may have this experience, others may be wanting to strive to where this becomes sort of an experience for them. It's a goal, but it's not an intention, if that makes sense. So a lot of things, I do have a very strong sort of sense of ownership of why my stroke happened. I don't have definitive answers for myself. It's just kind of I've said this before on the podcast, but my stroke at 37. Not only was it very young, it was very young to have the type of stroke that I had, considering I had no sort of signals of a heart defect I didn't have, you know, I know a lot of stroke survivors that are younger, typically have like a hole in their heart or something, something a little bit unusual. They they not all I'm not generalizing, but I would say, to have the sort of things that I had go wrong, all combined at the same time is unusual. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the fact that I was a 37 year old father, three kids, a wife, who stabbed five said that a number of times, I lost my parents a year before my stroke, a lot of stress in my career, a lot of a lot of masking a lot of different battles with really when I was older, probably around the you know, definitely way out of my 20s. I wasn't really battling drugs, but I have had a little bit of a drug problem, I definitely had an alcohol problem up until the actual stroke. I did have a lot of health related issues. A lot of them are undiagnosed, because I ignored them so severely. And I've talked about that the importance of seeking help and asking for help before things become a significant problem. And I'll be honest, I had some thoughts on this. If you think something is becoming a problem, please, from the bottom of my heart, go explore that. And again, I was thinking about it today before this episode. Before doing the recording. I went for a run obviously could see as every week I'm sweaty. Coming in from Iran. I didn't notice it's the first time I'm wearing this particularly on the podcast. So good to know that the I am starting to put some rotation into the 85 Plus hoodies that I do have. I get into a habit of wearing the same seven or eight or nine hoodies and kind of rotating through those and forgetting I have another god knows how many. But yeah, so again, it is that never quit mentality, I do put a lot of pressure on myself always have always will. It works for me, it doesn't work for everybody. Part of the thing about my stroke and my journey. And why I tell this story is because it is my story. But I think there's a lot of insights to be gleaned, to be shared to be learned. You know, if it's not exactly what you're going through, it might be similar. It just gives you another perspective. And again, it's the perspective of a an actual stroke survivor, nothing to discredit doctors, nurses, medical professionals, therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, whatever kind of therapists, all valuable insights, all great knowledge, all great research, all coming together to help one another and help the larger stroke survivor community. But I think they're, you know, there's a lot to be learned and certainly ating and helpful, but it is hard to replicate being an actual survivor and unless you are a survivor, but I do think again, these people are seeing a lot of things. They're studying a lot of the same similar peoples, you know, they're getting a diverse set of things to look at. So it's just different perspective. And sometimes it's very helpful and sometimes they all could say one thing, but it takes somebody like me or you to hear that as a survivor and then take that information, use it, eyes it and do utilize it for your purpose, and then share your story with that same information that they provided. And then it clicks for another survivor. It just, it's, we all hear things differently. We all hear things at different times. You know, I think a lot of us could kind of look back and be like, oh, yeah, I remember when they said this. And it didn't really click until this or similar circumstances. So, again, what we're talking about is that never quit mentality and why it's coming up is because recently, a couple of people have told me oh, well, you're inspirational. And it's like, I do appreciate that. I hope I am. Because although that's not really the goal, I guess it is the goal, because I don't want to be known as some inspirational guy, or an inspirational guru or speaker. I mean, I do want to get out more and speak more and help more people, obviously doing this podcast video. Now. It is important to me, I'm starting to feel comfortable, get comfortable, I like doing it. And I want to help more people and the way to help more people. Whether it's paid or whether it's free is by sharing the stories on YouTube, sharing videos, helping people on calls, helping other people just besides survivors, helping family members navigate it, friends, loved ones, spouses, partners, like it's a very difficult thing for a variety of reasons for a variety of people. So yeah, that's kind of why I do what I do. And I do appreciate that people find it inspirational, because I guess I don't mean to be inspirational, but I really do mean to share the story of getting a second chance. How do you navigate that? How do you figure it out? I don't think I've figured it out. I think I'm starting to figure out some things for myself four years in, that are working people say, How did you quit drinking? Like, for me, you know, I don't really have an inspirational story. I was doing everything wrong. I didn't see the writing on the wall. It kind of let it was one of the many things that led to my stroke at age 37. And now, for better or worse. I mean, for better. I don't I don't suffer from alcoholism, I no longer drink at all, zero, none. And I'm fine with that. And I enjoy that. And I've learned to live a very different lifestyle, one that I never thought I could live. So I think people, you know, they see that and they're like, oh, you know, that's amazing that you overcame that. It's amazing that you seem to have overcome the stroke, you look good. Again, that's a lot of hard work. That's a lot of never quit mentality. There have been sacrifices professionally, you know, sometimes, like I run now I run, I'm running, unbelievably starting. So in a couple of days, October 6 will be one year from when I started running every single day. So on October 6, and a couple of days, there'll be 361 out of 365 days that I've ran. Three of those days that I didn't run was a small family vacation to South Florida over the summer with my kids and my wife. And then one other random day where I just wasn't feeling well, to the point where I was just like, you know, it won't be the end of the world if I don't run today. And I didn't feel well and I got recharged. It was totally needed. You know, to be honest, I probably could have run two or three miles just to get running in for the day. But at the same time, what's two or three miles at this point, I've run a ton of miles I may break or get very close to 5000 by the end of the year again. Saturday ridiculous to some maybe not that ridiculous to others, depending on where you're at in life. If you run if you enjoy running, how do you enjoy running, but a lot of people have asked how I got there. And again, it's a lot of hard work. It's been a lot of sacrifice. It's been a lot of days where I spent a lot of time running and I could spend that time in a different way. And there's trade offs for everybody in life. You know, my kids are still young ish they do a lot of activities i j just works with the way I work in my days. It's not for everybody. I don't think everybody can do it. I don't think everybody even should do it. I'm not even sure I should do it. To be perfect is I think going into the end of the year I will be scaling back total mileage and really getting into more weightlifting on a regular basis. I do do it now. But not to the level that I I think I want to get a nice mixture of cardio, running, and weightlifting on a good schedule on a good routine. I'm so going to add that back in. But anyways, all that to say is never quit mentality is something that I've always had, I don't really know where it comes from. And again, so kind of moving on from that inspirational thing, because it is very awkward for me to talk about. It's not how I see myself. And again, I think I see myself as somebody just trying to get better get, get to a level that I used to be at get closer to where I used to be, I'm always okay with never fully being the way I was before. And I don't even know that I want that necessarily. I mean, I think tactile coordination, all these things, you know, they've been slow they've been it's been a long arduous process. One of the notes that I remember that I wrote was that, as a survivor, one of the hardest things to kind of recognize over time is that like, slow, really gotta keep saying it slow and steady. does win the long term race, and I think sometimes I've made I don't, I wouldn't say regret. And I wouldn't say a mistake, necessarily. But there are times where I think if I had just kind of realized that, it's hard to do it thing that? Well, it's hard for a lot of reasons, right, as a stroke survivor. As you know, it's hard to go from one day being able to do all these things to maybe one day being waking up and being able to do none of these things. And you know, that takes a fair amount of time to wrap your head around. And as you start to get better, physically, emotionally, mentally, you, you start to get better at things and you start to be able to do some things, not the way you used to be able to do them. And that's the hardest part is you want to be able to do it the way you used to. And you realize, okay, if I do it, and I do it slow, and I rebuild slowly, and I put the time in to do it right and build it correctly. Longer term, you will ultimately end up in a perhaps a better place. There have been times where I kind of want to, like accelerate the process, not really take a shortcut, just try to be like I guess it is a shortcut. But in reality, it's like I just used to be able to do it this way. Why can't I do it this way, and you try to kind of have assets, for lack of a better word. And sometimes it works. But more often than not, it would be better to do it slow and steady. And take three months to be able to do it right versus six months, oh, going back and forth, trying to do it half assed and, you know, you see the same result in six months that you would see in three, but because you went back and forth trying to have asset you kind of it took longer than it needs to do. But that's not the case with everything. Sometimes you can kind of I don't know if it's luck, I don't know things. Sometimes the dots just connect faster and certain turf tests that you relearn certain goals that you have for yourself. Certainly, you know, to go from a wheelchair to running almost 5000 miles in a year for that to actually take three, three and a half years. It's pretty insane to be looking back. So I do you know, in that, in that same vein, I have some regrets that like, wow, I wish I was doing this before my stroke because I then would probably not have had a stroke had I taken care of my health. And I fixed or address or at least explored some of these things before they led to what they ultimately I do. But Hindsight is 2020 I don't really have a lot of regrets I am thankful for in a weird way having the stroke because it eliminated drinking it eliminated smoking cigarettes, it did eliminate a lot of bad things bad diet, Bad. Bad attitude. high stress, you know, sometimes I still have a little bit of a tude problem if you couldn't get that vibe from this podcast. But again, I'm always working on things you can't be perfect at everything overnight. I don't even want to be perfect. I just want to be better for myself. And for those around me to sort of, I guess, be inspirational in the sense that I want to be an inspiration to my kids and my wife, my family. Also, I just genuinely want to get better for myself so that I can be the best husband, father, parent that I can be. And if that by proxy becomes inspirational to others, then you know I have no problem with it. It's not something I'll ever disagree with. It's not something. Again, it's not something that I'm shooting to do or striving to do, but it is I realize it is kind of a part of it. So yeah, after You know, kind of that never quit mentality, it goes into a lot of things. But really embracing that second chance in life again has. For me, it's, I think, the reason I have that is again, will, it's been amazing to watch his journey and see where you've come from to where you're going to where you know where you're at now. Again, having that family has kept me motivated, it's kept me on, on on task, sort of, not always the best tasks or the most financially rewarding tasks. But I mean, I always look at it through the lens of if I don't have my health, I have nothing. And that's a little bit of an extreme view. But I was also extremely big. I mean, I, I had I'm, I'm still classified as technically obese, right, so I need to still continue to lose weight. I've been running all year, I've lost a good amount of weight, but not as much as you would think for the mileage. And I'll talk about that more later. But again, I had I was an alcoholic, I was a smoker, I had COPD, high blood pressure, hypertension. Other other health issues, the only thing I think I didn't have, which seems to be across the board. One of the most surprising things everywhere I go every doctor every every place. Whether you know, I had undiagnosed sleep apnea. But I've never been a diabetic. And I've never had high cholesterol through all this. Those two high cholesterol I'm not diabetic are honestly, I'm always a little surprised. I'm like, I think I've had everything. And those are two things that I've been blessed. And listen, I always say once you're a stroke survivor, there is like, it is the hardest thing to come back from, in my opinion. Of course, that's bias, I did not have a heart attack, but I've had because of my stroke, I had heart related issues, I still have a lot of things that I see a cardiologist, we're making sure that I'm doing everything right, I have a lot of medical devices that track things that do things so that I did, I did have a fib, which is also probably a favor with the sleep apnea. For the two things, amongst all the things that led to ultimately having a stroke at 37. Again, you got to do a lot of work in a in a in a bad way to kind of get to that level at 37. So I think, you know, my motivation is very different, potentially from a lot of survivors, or why I'm navigating all these health things are the the importance to me of fixing it, for obvious reasons, have a family want to be there and provide for as long as I can. There are ultimately some things in life, we are completely out of control. But certainly the things that I can control and the things that I can share with others are things that you also can control. I'm no different than anybody else. Like I just I make conscious choices. Now I make conscious decisions. You know, again, I was just talking about running a diet. I'm not I am doing something different. I will be honest, I'm kind of trying to go keto. I'm not fully there yet. And somebody was saying I think it was like somebody was saying, I was like Who but somebody close to me was saying that, you know, if you're not either go full keto or don't go keto. And I think that's that's a personal choice. But I like I could do hard things. One of the things that I've learned as a stroke survivors that I can, I can read, it is a little bit never quit mentality mixed with, well, I if I can make it through what I consider to be one of the worst things a person could actually go through and come back from an episode in the process don't, I'd never take for granted. Nothing, nothing is guaranteed. But I am trying to do things that ultimately put me in the best spot to put my head on the pillow every night. And to wake up and experience another day. You know, and I know a lot of people have a lot of different thoughts on life and death. And it spans No, no shortage of emotions and thoughts. But ultimately, you know, I'm just doing the best I can for me and for those around me so that I can be there to help provide and be a part of making an impact on this world and their lives and my life. And so it's always that determination, that perseverance. And I know I got a little off track there, but with the second chance of life, I do have an enormous amount of gratitude for Yes, it's been detrimental. Yes. It's been exhausting. Yes, there have been really hard days throughout the last four years and I'm sure there will continue to be hard days. But I know ultimately some of the things that I've learned From the stroke that have had, I've had an effect on my life. As I've met other great people, I've learned how to do going from doing everything wrong to probably going a little extreme on the other end, maybe overdoing it, overcompensating, but I'm okay with that. And that's kind of why keto works for me. I do want to go full keto, because I think I know I can do it. You know, I'm not really missing the carbs. I'm just like, I'll be honest, I'm at the point now where I'm like, Okay, I'm doing well, I'm running, you know, if we hit 5000 miles this year, great. If it's inspirational, great if other people can, like, learn from my example. And to be honest, a year ago, I was still doing a run walk for like, two miles ish. And I wasn't doing it every day yet. So I was at this point, just shy of a year. Starting to be active in that way, going from morning to jogging to walk, you know, I would still say up jogging, I wouldn't say I'm running at a seven mile an hour pace. The treadmill does help me as a stroke survivor. With my deficits, it helps me maintain a certain pace that is a little bit harder when and then when I'm learning on my own in the neighborhood. So I do like that I've added in a combination where I do outdoor, indoor, you know, a little bit, I tried to do more outdoor than indoor, but some days, it goes more indoor and outdoor, it doesn't matter to me, it's really about the work and the running mindset and the mentality and things those are bringing into my life. Like I do a lot of thinking I do a lot of reflecting. I know it sounds hokey, it sounds weird. I enjoy meditating. You know, but I've definitely transitioned from, I still do about 10 minutes a day, total, quiet to myself. But now a lot of my meditating and a lot of things and thinking and brainstorming, I do a lot of notes when I'm running. So sometimes that's why I'm going a little bit slower, because I'm running three miles and then halfway through, I'm like typing notes on my phone in the street, and then, you know, do another hour come home, do a thing that works for me. It's not for everybody. But again, it is, to me, it's about taking the second chance that I've been given in life. And really making the most of that and making a difference. And really correcting the things that I did wrong, ultimately, to lead to this show get 37 Yes, some of it was out of my hands. Some of it was I think more than not, a lot of it was for animal and I didn't do a great job of running it. So really, that's where I'm correcting for me. But you might have different goals, you have a different story. You know, have those conversations with yourself. Because I think ultimately that's what's gonna help you make, you know, get better get to that spot where you've, you've, you're feeling good about yourself, because that's really all it's about for me is I just want to feel good, I want to feel confident, I want to be I do want to be inspirational to my kids in my family. If it's inspirational to others, that's great. But that is not ultimately, the goal, I just want to help people recognize things that I didn't recognize as early and just see how I can help, you know, having a curious mindset. But again, embracing life poststroke. You know, it's it is about that second chance, it is about putting, for me, it's about putting myself in my health very much in the forefront. Because without that, ultimately I can't do the other things, which are, you know, kind of going into those other things is balancing parenthood and pet personal challenges. And I think a lot of times, parenthood after stroke, this guy probably be it an entire show on its own, but it's certainly worth something something worth talking about because a lot more people I said last week unfortunately, I'm starting to see younger and younger stroke survivors certainly. You know, I'm still seeing a lot of people are younger than 30s. But I'm seeing a lot of people in their 30s they might be parents that you know, I met a survivor with younger children like my two younger ones. I see I happen to have three children. One's a bit older. She's turning 21 In a couple of weeks. But then there's parents that are a little bit older than me older. Their 40s or early 50s They might have somebody in high school college. So they're, they're still you know, very much an active parent. I mean, I think we'll all active parents for our entire lives. But yeah, if you have somebody under 25 You're You're they're probably either still at home in some capacity or they're still passive potentially nearby. You know, it there's different surveys is I mean, I think we all is different for everybody, but I don't think parenthood gets a little bit. I guess it's never gets easier. It never changes. I think we can all agree on that it never. But there is a dynamic that once they become a driver, there are definitely some changes that you know, things become different. I wouldn't say less stressful, I wouldn't say any less challenging, just different challenges. And in some ways, it frees up a lot of things in life, it's frees up a little bit more time, you're less of a carpool. But I don't think it has any less. You know, we're still parents. So we're still very involved. Hopefully. You know, and it's, if appropriate again, but it's not. It's different. But it's the same. It just doesn't make sense. But it's the same different like, it's, it is what it is, but it's it's just a different phase of parenthood. I guess. That's probably the best way to put it. Yeah. Anyways, but yeah, again, those never quit attitude. I mean, they're that kind of what am I trying to say here? Yeah, I mean, I think it is hard, it is hard being a stroke to irate, it's hard being a stroke survivor, that's apparent, is very, I would say it's becoming more common. From what I'm saying, may have always been common. This is actually one of those things that I think be as a survivor who is a parent, that's something I could speak to, because a lot of survivors or not. Younger parents, I think a lot of strokes are our parents, I get to spend ages, it's, it's just, everything becomes a little bit different. You you I guess I'm in a place where, you know, my children are still so young, they're not actually able to take care of me. Whereas if I was maybe 65, my kids might be 20s, and 30s. And that would be very, a very different experience, they might be able to help me more or in a different way, they do help me I don't want to say they don't, they're very helpful children. But they are, you know, seeing the data is getting better. And that dad has improved over time. They make a lot of jokes, probably because I make a lot of jokes. It's a game, I like to think our house is kind of for a very serious house, but actually not at all. We like to joke around with each other. I think my household is very much in the spirit of this podcast. That's why it's called Global Stryver. You know, I am serious. But I'm also I like to have a good time. I like to laugh. I'd like to have fun. That I think that is spread beyond this podcast. That is That is my actual life with my family. You know, and it's one that i i quite, quite enjoying and quite fond of. But yeah, there's there's some other things about embracing post stroke challenges, again, through conversations that have led to the kind of this is topic overall of being inspirational. It really chatting with more people. You know, something that came to mind this week, in having more phone calls this week was that I definitely, you know, I think we all have unique challenges as survivors, but I've noticed when when I'm talking with another person, whether it be somebody who's appear or contemporary, or it's another survivor, I don't do it intentionally, but I've noticed this and I'm going to get better at it. It's probably the result of a couple things. Which I don't even think I'm going to get into because I feel like I'm kind of justifying my actions or behaviors, but I'm aware of it sometimes. I do. Unintentionally dominate a conversation. I think that you know, I'm used to doing this podcast to do another podcast, I'm actually thinking of adding a third and fourth podcast this year. which I know sounds insane. But the other two are not my shows they're going to be one or both are gonna be coasted. But they're going to be very different. So it's gonna be less just me, which I think is good because I'm really, I've done a lot of coaching. I've done a lot of work on myself. I really am a good listener, but it's very hard when you have a one person podcast and you're talking to the camera. I'm having a conversation with you on the other end of the camera. But really we're not having an actual conversation because this is not live. This is just me talking to the camera and I'm talking to you the listeners. But I, you know, it's hard for me to receive back. And yeah, I've just been noticing this, this is a flaw of mine that I'd like to work on as a survivor. And I, again, I'm not trying to justify the behavior, but sometimes I dominate a conversation. I started intentional, I think, you know, I start off with all intention of having a conversation with another individual. I want to hear their story and how I can help. I ask questions, and I listen. Sometimes they ask me a question, and I will just kind of, I feel the need to entertain or perform, and it's a weird thing. And I'm gonna be actively working on the rest of this year. But also, as a survivor, I think a lot of us can relate is that we have these moments and I don't know if you do but I use it and I'm maybe I have to get better at this it was but a notebook in front of me. And really make conservative effort to write notes in the notebook one, it'll improve my handwriting, which is one of the last things to improve for me from stroke, I can run 80 miles a day, but I still can't really write and take notes. The way I used to get I really used to enjoy that I love I got a notebook in front of me and writing notes and doodling. Because it helps me put down thoughts that I want to come back to. So that I don't interrupt sorta don't look, I have ADHD to everybody. So it's tricky. Yeah. So that's something I'm actively working on. And we'll see where that goes. I'm sorry, as usual, being interrupted by people in my house, and I'm getting off track. So yeah, active listening is something I want to work on more. I don't know if other survivors relate to this. Because I often thought, am I a ADC? Or am I a stroke survivor that is just like, the brain's rewiring. It's kind of untangling the mess and figuring things out. And I think sometimes I do in conversations, not intentionally. People ask me about my story, I start to tell it, I start to entertain, I get carried away, and I don't recognize it. They don't recognize it so that I overtake the conversation. Not even, not not even intentionally, I just, it just happens. And I really need to get better at that. That's something that I'm going to work on this year. Because I love to have more balanced interactions. You know, but I think as survivors, we do struggle. I don't know if everybody does, of course. But there is something called stroke fatigue. I call it stroke brain where I like have a thought and then I forget it. Sometimes I don't even want to interrupt another person. I just sort of like they they'll say a thing that I want to say a thing. And it throws them off because I'm saying a thing because it can't write down who are Remember to come back. But now I'm like, No, I can't remember the thing. I was gonna say I'm just not going to say it. And I think yeah, that's a little bit of that slowing down to speed up I think is what we talked about last week and stress. I think it relates to to this and conversations. I think social conversation social, the smooth social settings for stroke survivors can sometimes be very difficult to navigate. And that may be again, another topic for another episode. But communication is a big part of being a survivor. Working on your communication as survivor, your knees, dirt, your your boundaries, all those things, having that self awareness and personal reflections are all good conversations to have with yourself with others with family members with friends, fellow survivors see what you can learn, you know, and discussing the fine line between sharing and oversharing I know I'm an oversharer. But again, I'm doing a podcast here trying to share my story. I'm comfortable doing that I feel you know, I try to make this entertaining. I try to make it fun. I try to make it light hearted but I also wanted to share these things because they really are genuine lessons that I've learned the hard way. Things that I wish I learned sooner things that I might do differently if I did it over again. I know that sounds a little Twitter Burly. But the reality is when you look back a couple years into your show, it's okay. Well I could have done this better. I've done this better. I'm doing this better. People are asking and saying I seem inspirational. Let's let's dig into that. Let's see. Why. How can I share a lesson from that? If you're into it if you want you know I think everybody honestly I don't think it's necessarily at the goal right? Nobody wants to be inspirational unless you're some somebody that's probably not watching this podcast to be honest ABV if your whole goal is to be inspirational. I mean more power to you but I think If that isn't like the driver, the drivers really to share knowledge to help others. And by proxy, if you get degs designated an expert or inspirational, that's okay. It is a little uncomfortable. When people say to me, I get somebody that's six feet and 325 pounds. I get very uncomfortable when people compliment me. Again, something I'm working on. But I'm appreciative. I'm always appreciative, but I'm definitely still uncomfortable with it. But yeah. So yeah, I think that's really a lot of this week's episode, I actually had to run to a phone call. But before we wrap up, I do want to mention a couple things. Tonight is Thursday night football, the game should be awful. It's the Washington commanders and the Chicago Bears. I'm really looking forward to Amazon and the crew on the Amazon Thursday night football because they are amazing. This game does not sound like you're still reading Brunel. eskies dome. I talked about Italy, in Florence. And in my time there, back in 2005. I want to see how I can utilize some of that for you know, the podcasts and what we can glean from that if there's anything again, reducing stress was last week, slowing down in communication. You're constantly thinking, how can I get better? Having that curiosity exploring myself my actions? You know, I know it sounds corny. It sounds difficult to hear sometimes. But slow and steady does win the long term race, especially when it comes to stroke recovery. Doing things slowly and correctly from the get go. may have you may have. You may find yourself in a better place sooner than you anticipated. There's no guarantee. I just think looking back now I kind of do wish I had a little bit more patience in doing things and relearning. But I understand that it is as a survivor survivor who went through many difficulties and still has difficulties are certain things. That is ultimately probably the better way if I'm being honest, I let's see any other less thing. A Bert, Bert guests good podcast. He just released an episode yesterday with Rachel Hollis. Also she's an inspirational speaker. She came from a very different background. Not a stroke survivor, but I think she has some good things. And she had a little bit of a hiccup a couple years ago. I don't know it was about like quotes on Instagram, which I don't really care about. You know, I think I think there was I think there's more to that story than anybody knows. And probably I'm sure something tells me the issue was social media related. She probably was having somebody on her team do a thing. Something got confused or not done properly. Maybe it wasn't handled the best way I don't know. She seems lovely. Had a SAR on Bert. Bert show the podcast with an burghead His wife there with so is Bert his wife and Rachel Hollis. Really good podcasts enjoyed it. Definitely worth a watch. If you've got time. Just remember to keep keep, keep positive, keep keep active, keep working on, you know things that excite you things that are working well for you and your recovery. I just realized that slow and steady does win the long term race. And honestly if you can outlast and never quit that ultimately will get you to where you want to be. That has kind of been the key to my success. Anyways, that's the end of episode 33. So I will see you next week for another episode. I have no idea the topic is but I can't wait to talk to you next week. Bye for now.