28. Winning the Day in Stroke Recovery: Small Tasks, Kindness, and Taking Control

A couple of quick notes before we hop into Episode 28, of the lovable survivor podcast this week. It is a big topic, taking back control or taking control of your recovery depending on if you are in fact taking back control or just taking control in general, different stories, different scenarios for different people at different stages. complex topic. Everybody has different feelings, different, different emotions around this topic, it really comes down to a collaborative process. Pushing back when you feel like something isn't working for you. You know, whether it's doctors or therapists, I, you know, I encourage you to always be gracious and be accepting of some of the things that we don't know. You know, and being open with your therapy team about what's working, what's not. Again, it is collaborative, it is complicated. therapy teams, they try to give you the best answers, but they don't always know. They're not living day to day with you. So it really comes down to you, your family, anybody helping you out on the journey? You know, don't be afraid to question things. I think some of us definitely can come from that school of thought. And you know, sometimes when we go through a traumatic event, like a stroke or brain injury, we are aware, we don't know what we don't know. So we think everything we're being told, is perfect to end, honestly, it probably is the right information. Most of the time, it may just be the wrong order. It might just be that you're not quite ready for to hear that or do that particular thing. I talked a lot about walking backwards. That's a big one in my life that I always push back on, but I know the benefits now. I've come a long way over the last three and a half years. So you know, if you're newer to the journey, you probably have heard it a million times. It's unique to every story. Everybody's unique. Every expectations. Every stroke is unique. Every everybody's expectations and experiences vary greatly. You know, some days we're gonna have setbacks and that's okay. It's really about staying on track, achieving your goals. Keeping a positive mindset. Expressing gratitude, I think is a big one. As a stroke survivor, you know, again, there's different different takes for different people, but just remind yourself that it is worth the effort. And I assure you even when you think you're not going to get there, you will find yourself getting there over time. So anyways, hope you enjoy this episode. It's a big one. I'm sure we'll come back to it down the road. And yeah, just mentioned, as always, a couple of cool things I'm looking reading watching on on the internet. And as always, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, email, the podcast podcast at lovable sorrow.com and enjoy episode 28. Bye for now. My name is Schmierer Welcome back to another episode of our podcast this week in Episode 28. We're gonna be talking about pushback back and taking back control or taking control of your recovery journey. Now, this is definitely a multifaceted podcast episode. There are many takes on this, I just want to give you some things to think about some things to chew on, everybody's going to be at a different place in their recovery journey. And I'll be honest, not everybody is the loudmouth six foot eight 325 pound guy that I am. And I know that I've struggled with this at times, because I'm not such a people pleaser. But I definitely like to kind of strangely enough follow the rules and I like to listen to other people. When I think you know what, we'll dive into that today. What that really means, but I generally feel with that during my recovery, especially in the beginning. I needed to listen to other people because I knew that I was in a place I had gotten to a place by not listening to people and everybody again is going to have a different opinion hear a different take a different journey. But again, this episode 28 of the podcast is really about taking control thinking things through slowing Come down, you know, because ultimately, recovery, if you're a survivor, you know, is difficult if you're a family member, you know, it's difficult if you're a therapist, you know how difficult it is for the patients. It's just it's a whole thing. It's a collaborative process, I think the more we can work together, whether that's survivor to survivor, family member to survivor, caregiver, caretaker, a survivor, you know, the, the, the various forms of communication between parties, it's just a lot. And so I want to, I want to help. The goal of this episode is to really help you get a sense of where you're at what you want to change, if anything, some tips on taking control, empowering you to take control of your journey, because I think what it really boils down to is during the stroke recovery journey, there's kind of three options, there's either you, as a survivor take control, and in this case, you know, betting on yourself and really figuring it out. The second option is letting somebody else take control, which, you know, I think, at the beginning is actually a very necessary step before a year, you know, depending on what situation you're in post stroke, you know, you may not be ready to take control. So there is, you know, I think somebody else taking control and leading the charge for you, on your behalf at the beginning is something that is super important and often necessary. Especially if you have a lot of deficits, if you have cognitive issues, if you have aphasia, apraxia and his speech difficulty, so many things. You know, it's just, it's difficult. And so, lastly, you know, if you don't take control, or somebody in your life doesn't take control, somebody is going to take control for you. And you may not like how that goes. And ultimately, I guess there's kind of four options, because there's the the last option is really, nothing changes, if nothing changes. And now, although that sounds cliche as hell, you know, you deserve answers, you deserve a fighting chance if you want it. You know, unfortunately, not everybody does. But I think if you're watching this episode, or these podcasts, listening to these podcasts, watching these podcasts now on YouTube, by the way, you know, the, if you're watching this, you want to make a change, you may not be in a place to make the changes that you want to make. But that's the goal of this podcast is to help you know that things are difficult to encourage you to keep going. And to realize you're not alone. It's a very difficult process. Often, only other survivors really truly understand it. I talked to a friend who's of Survivor this week, you know, and I think she and I had different strokes, different journeys, different stories, different things going on in our lives at the time of our stroke. So our paths are a little different. But we're both I would you know, we're both under 50. So that's already puts us in a unique category position. But yeah, I think taking control means different things for different people at different times. And it's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. Again, you may not be able to the way you want to say may need some help. And really, the key points in this episode about push back and taking back control are you know, we'll start at the beginning, I think a lot of us, you know, we go into therapy with the hopes that doctors and therapists and your team that you're working with, are going to have the answers and very often they they may have the answers, they may have exactly what you need, because you may have a very textbook story. However, with stroke, there are so many unique parts to to the equation that not everybody knows what's going on inside your head. Not everybody knows, you know, they may know often I think physical therapists are taking sort of their best collaborative effort approach. And they're taking sort of the answers that they know to be the most generalized and most typical, and they're not doing that to be out of malice or anything. They're just doing it because you're kind of seeing where you're at what you maybe specifically need to work on. And the reason I say pushback is because I know at times for me, there have been things that I've been working on with therapy, you know, my therapy teams, where I'm just like, I don't think this is necessary. This seems rather difficult for where I'm at At, and you know, and then I evaluated with my team. I'll give you a good example. I think I've said this a million times, but walking backwards. Very early on, once I started walking was not a priority for me. Now I know walking backwards has a lot of benefits. But very early on, I was being a little short sighted. And in the benefits of walking backwards, because I was like, I never walked backwards, I'm six foot eight 325 pounds walking backwards is let's just say what it is, it's dumb. For somebody my size, it just didn't seem like something I needed. But really, practicing back backwards, walking in a therapy setting is strengthening some other muscles. So again, you know, that was something I kind of pushed back on in the beginning, I later saw the benefits of that. And I think, you know, when you're working with therapy team, I'm sorry. Before we go on, I'm going to tell you right now, I lost the piercing here the other day. So I did put in a temporary one. And it's very long. And so that's why I'm talking a little bit funny this episode during the recording, because I do not have a new one yet it is due to arrive, or I may go get another one later this weekend. Anyways, so back to what I was talking about. Yeah, walking backwards, for me was a weird thing. I didn't see the benefits early on. So I did push back. And, you know, I think there are times where I push back, and I'm definitely wind up being wrong, and going back and saying, yeah, maybe I was wrong there. You know, and my therapy team is very good. I'm very honest with them about where I'm at what's going on, I probably overshare with them. But I'm also doing this because I want to tell them everything going on so that we can make the best possible decisions with every therapy appointment with every interaction that we have, because you know, as a younger survivor, I'm trying to get better. Um, I wouldn't say more quickly, but I'm just trying to be efficient, and depending on where you live in the world, what stage you're at, in your recovery, you know, you might be further along you. And you know, you might not have these issues, but it is sometimes at least here in the United States, you know, we're only covered X amount of therapy visits per year with certain insurances, some are better than others. It really is all over the map, unfortunately. So I tried to be efficient, because I'm, you know, there's a lot of time I'm spending in therapy, and a lot of time I'm working out. So time to work and run my businesses, and spend with my family. You know, it's all very sort of regimented and limited. It doesn't seem regimented, but it is and segmented in a way that works best for me and my family. But that's been a very long journey, and continues to be a lot of work, like I have a day that I like to record, do these episodes, do all these things, I like to do work at a certain time as a certain day. I try to be consistent with things I try to block things off so that when things need to be moved around or rejiggered for the week, you know, those blocks of time can be moved around in a in a in a fashion that works for me. You know, and that's part of taking back control to is it's not just about therapy, it's about your entire life and what works for you as a survivor. So again, I do want to encourage everybody, I would never say don't listen to your team. I'm just saying, you know, listen, here's, here's my approach, and you can take from it, whether you like my recommendation, and this is what I do. I always listen to my therapy team. I'm very open to their suggestions. I very rarely pushback in the beginning. And that's because they are. Generally speaking the experts say see the most common things, they see more patients that I talked to, you know, so generally speaking, they're going to have the best information that are either staying up to date with ongoing education. They may be going to conferences, they may be hearing different things within their community, you know, different therapy bubbles, so to speak, for lack of a better term in their industry. And the reason again, I say to push back sometimes is that not everything works for everybody. I do think you try it, you test it, you see how it goes, you give it a timeframe. When if you're not seeing those improvements, and you start to ask questions, right, like, Okay, I listened I'm trying this thing. I'm trying these things that we discussed, that we agreed we agreed to work on. I'm kind of doing the work, but I'm not seeing the results and sometimes it's Just a matter of time, you know, that's fair. Sometimes it may be something that somebody in your therapy team or even yourself, but you may not have recognized and there may be a little bit of a hiccup or like a bump of the road. So then you want to reevaluate, you want to see, okay, I'm gonna keep working on this, but what's what's another option can I can eat? What else can I try? What else can I do? Is there another method? Am I doing this? Right? A lot of questions can be asked, and I think asking questions. You know, I'm saying pushback, but I'm really what I really mean is ask questions like, Just be honest, and Essos questions. Am I doing it wrong? Okay, maybe I'm doing it wrong. Is there another option? Is there another way? Can I do 85% of this exercise? But maybe I'm doing one little piece wrong? And is that one piece that I'm maybe doing incorrectly? Can I either adjust that? Or is that why this entire exercise is not working? Because we all know the 8020 rule. You know, you can do something 80%. And you're most of the way there. But that last 20% is really the part that is key. It might be that you know, and I think one of the big things to come with this is that therapists are using the best information they have at the time to help you, you know, and everybody's unique situation, there are certainly times when somebody's going to come along with something that nobody thought of another example, I'm a stroke survivor. Starting at age 37, I'm now 40. But I am now a survivor, a stroke survivor, a young stroke survivor with Ms. That's pretty rare. That's not That's not a common theme that you hear. And I know this, because I've read I don't think I've I've yet to meet another stroke. So I were with Ms. So I know they exist, I'm sure of it. I know one that I believe is on Twitter or x. That's one out of 1000s. Now, again, I'm sure there's more than me, of course more than the other individual. But there might be something related to ms that nobody on your therapy team has run into before. And so that means you need to work with them to see, is there another option? Is there somebody they know in their circles that they might be able to bring in? And ask a question to do they know somebody who knows somebody. And it's also an opportunity for your therapy team or really anybody that you're working with, to to learn and grow? Because if you have it? Yeah, it might be a rare case, but they may run into it again, throughout their careers, don't be afraid to kind of push back and question your team. You know, and hopefully, they're not giving you any issues with it. But I think it is an opportunity for everybody to learn and grow and get out of these silos of therapy and generalized information. You know, take with that where you will, but I think, especially if you're somebody who's working in therapy fields, and you're not necessarily a survivor, this is a good opportunity to, to learn from experiences to learn from your survivors. Because ultimately, that just gonna make you and your team a stronger, better team to help more and more people. And I think at the end of the day, people who go into therapy, I don't know everybody's reason, but it's generally to help patients recover. And for those that are wanting to recover, you have to ask those questions in order to get better for you to get to where you want to be. So that you can live the life that you always wanted, you always dreamt of you were on the path to achieving, you know, and those goals may change when you have a stroke or major life event. But you know, no reason you can't get back on the horse, so to speak, and get back on track. You know, easier said than done bad days, tough days. We all have them, we all go through them. And I think that's why pushing back, even on yourself as a driver is critically important because ultimately, it does come down to you. You want to have a good life, you want to have goals that you're going after and achieving. And so you have to remind yourself daily. You know, this sounds corny, but get up and win the day. You could certainly take a day off if you're tired. If you're not feeling well do that. Take care of your health. But also ask yourself you know, is there something I could do to you know, if you need to have a slower day, you could take a slower day right now, like winning every day doesn't mean you absolutely have to go out and crush it every day, but it does. You know, I think generally speaking you get up and you do some things you feel better Even if you don't feel good to start the day, you will feel better even if you achieve a small thing. question came up this week in a group I'm in where somebody was like waiting around for a thing and a delivery. And I was just like, and they're like, What do you do when a day goes by? And I think to myself, What do I do when a day goes by? Well, I'm getting better at it. I'm not perfect at it. But I always have like a list of small wins that I can pick up. So if I have a crazy day, I'll give you an example. I had a crazy day, this past Tuesday, we had a hurricane coming in town, very quickly, all of a sudden wasn't sure where it was good go where it was going to land. I, you know, I knew kind of early on that we were on the correct side for a change. So I knew was gonna be too bad. But you know, as things progress and change, you get a little nervous, you know, should I do this? Should I do that? Should I prepare a little more. So there was a lot of running around on Tuesday, I already had some doctor's appointments, that already has a therapy appointments on Monday, I had another therapy appointment on Tuesday, wound up getting a last minute doctor's appointment because somebody cancelled that day. So like I was running around like crazy on Tuesday. And that definitely knocked me off my schedule. But again, I've got systems for me in place that like, there's still things that I get done so that I don't feel like the day is a waste. And I know a little off track here. But I think this happens with a lot of survivors. And it's a little different than pushing back. But you know, when you think about your life, and your recovery, for me is top priority. So when things do go wrong, even in recovery, it's it's a setback, and how you manage those setbacks and how you handle them. And how you deal with them can be a process to learn to be can be a process, overcome a cyst, it's tricky, and it's going to be different for everybody, you just need to figure out what works best for you. How do you want to handle it in terms of your family? How do you want to handle in terms of your recovery? If she's still working? How do you handle it with work? You know, for me, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a little more flexible. But I think for me, sometimes it's almost as harder. When you're when you have that flexibility to stay on track, versus something like a nine to five or something, you know, working at similar schedule. Sometimes that may be easier. And you may find that, for your case that it is easier to work for somebody else, everybody's got a different take on that I think you have to make the decision that what what feels right to you at the time. And it could absolutely change. And so again, just to kind of go back there. When it comes to therapy and doctors, I do recommend that you ask questions, I think, because I've run into this a lot with medical professionals, specifically doctors. You know, they, they, they'd run an independent doctor, for what thing, of course, but as a stroke survivor, you know, we know there are unique challenges. I also have Ms. So my neurologist is acutely aware of my issues that may arise for me with MS and stroke recovery, but like, my, my primary care, you know, is not as familiar and so sometimes I will push back or I will ask questions, and it's just to make sure that ultimately getting what answers are best for me at the time. You know, and I think a big thing for me sometimes with with medical professionals in general is that they are very smart. I'm not denying that they have gone to school, they're highly educated. They couldn't possibly know every scenario with every patient, you think how many patients I must see and how widely and vastly different the symptoms and issues are, they're going through it that particular patient are you know, you just really at least I want to make sure that I'm getting the the absolute best answers and we're working through it together. And sometimes I feel like they brush things off and I just keep hammering away I won't leave until until I feel like they've really listened. You know, when do you have to make those decisions for yourself but I think don't don't be afraid to push back as a survivor. We've gone through a lot of things, you know you've you've overcome a stroke or major medical life event or a brain injury. We can to say yes as yes and want to get on with our days and I think you know, you just have to be mindful of those things. Again, because every is really a dead horse here but Every stroke is unique. It's just in every situation is unique. So you need to really balance that. And you remember that you deserve answers like everybody else. And ultimately, sometimes with doctors I like when they I'll give you another example, I've had a thing recently where it's like I've done everything this particular doctor has told me to do, has asked me to do throughout the time, we've been working together, and it's just there's this thing that is lingering. That is like very frustrating to me, because I've done absolutely everything I can think of, I've researched, I've listened, I've asked questions. And it's just like, I'm at the point where I'm putting my hands up in the air and be like, I don't know what to do. And honestly, I'm not sure that they know what to do. And she was trying to give me answers the other day, and I'm just like, you know, it'd be okay. If you just say, I don't really know any more well, like you have tried everything. And I guess the the, you know, we kind of worked on an agreement where like, we're just going to keep trying these things. And maybe I need to push back next week myself when I go back and see her because it's okay, if she doesn't know, I actually appreciate when somebody says, I don't know the answer. You know, we we've tried all these things, we both agreed to these plans. And I'll tell you, this is an issue that I have that has been going on longer than my stroke, it has nothing to do with my stroke, believe it or not, I think part of the issue is ms and healing. I don't know if it's Alquist related because I'm on blood thinners from the stroke cell, even though I'm trying like hell to get off them. You know, really, I'm on them now. Very preventatively. I don't think I need to be on them. But I wonder like, what is the thing that is preventing this lingering thing, from really just being done and done? You know, at first, they told me to walk more and run more. And this they were they were telling me these things when I was in the wheelchair, you know, now I'm walking and running. I'm running a half marathon today, I never thought I'd be a runner. And I'm a full time runner on top of my full time entrepreneur, you know, businesses. And so I've taken as much control as I could take and as it's frustrating to be in this place. So I can only imagine if you have a similar story, you know, how frustrating it can be. And I am pushing back because I'm like, I don't know where else to turn at this point. And so, you know, we're gonna try some more things. I'm in agreement with that, I don't think we stop trying, I just, I need a better answer. Longer term, like, I will absolutely try these things for the short term. But ultimately, you know, there needs to be a longer term solution. Because as much as I love seeing this team and the staff and this, this, this, these people, this team that I work with, here in Florida, I would love to not be seeing them every week, for going into year four. You know, and this this thing that has re come back into my life was I wasn't seeing I didn't need. It's basically it's a thing I like and so it healed up last year. Finally, after two and a half years, almost three. At that point, it closed up. I don't know what happened over the summer is sort of re opened. And my guess is probably infection. But I'm not a doctor, I don't really know. And it's a thing on my ankle. It's a little thing, but it's just very annoying because it's like it's like the bruise. It's like a measure of bruise that won't heal. It's just like it just there. It's you know, it's just a thing. And I want it to go away. And I've tried so many things over the last couple of years, I've changed my entire lifestyle. Like if there's something I'm eating, look, take it off the plate. If there's something I need to be doing, that I'm not doing, which is beyond running and walking, and like exercising, wearing compression and doing all these things. Yeah, I'm just at the point where I want an answer like everybody else. Yeah. My thing is, if I get an answer, and I don't do what's being asked, and it's on me, right, but if I'm doing everything that's being asked, and we're still not getting to the resolution, that's when things become difficult. And that's when I start pushing back and really, you know, that is the essence of what I'm talking about when I'm talking about pushing back. But I also think my story of walking backwards was fairly irrelevant because sometimes you're just not in a place to be you're not ready yet seeing the benefits. You know, and sometimes it may be that you just didn't put enough work and you need Put more work in. Okay, fair enough. So I think again, that goes back to some of the tips that I have for an empowering your journey, which is asking your other brother options asking for additional help speaking to other people who have been through what you've been through. And really finding those alternatives. And don't be afraid to go outside the norm. You know, we, as a society, it's very, I'm very different. I don't put up a lot of stuff. But that is unique to me. You know, not everybody's as comfortable. But I think you owe it to yourself to, to feel empowered to ask those questions, push back, as you see fit. And as you feel comfortable. Not everyone is gonna go from zero to 100, like me and 10 minutes, it takes practice, it takes time, do what's comfortable for you, as ultimately, it's your recovery, you do owe it to yourself to, to get those answers so, and really, I you know, instead of seeing it as pushback, see it as a collaborative process, that's really what it is, because you're just asking questions to help make them better, and ultimately, get you better and get you to where you want to be. Because it's a very difficult process. So just so you know, every day, there's these challenges you're gonna have, you're gonna have hiccups, you're gonna have triumphs, you know, celebrate those wins. You don't have to celebrate it on social media, you could celebrate it with friends, celebrate it with your family, whatever, whatever works for you. You know, just as, as a survivor, it also helps to ask people who are non survivors who may be going through similar frustrations in life, just to get the another perspective on. Because sometimes, as survivors, we only want to talk to other survivors. Because we only we think only they understand. And I think that's true in a lot of cases. But yeah, consider alternatives. Just know that life can be frustrating for anybody on any day. Whether you're a parent, whether you're not a parent, whether it is a, you know, an animal parent, you know, it's no different, really, the same similar frustrations may not be one to one, but yeah. And those are just, you know, some things to think about with alternatives. And I guess another thing, one of the last things I'll say before we kind of wrap up this episode, is really important to remain objective and adapt. Um, sometimes as a society, I think we get caught up in what everybody else is doing. I know I do this is especially tricky. As a survivor, working as an entrepreneur doing different things. I see different people on social media, doing different things with their businesses, and I only, you know, I've worked through it, and I'm still working through it every day. There are things I wanted to do better, there are things that can do better. I think the reason I've gone to video and utilize more, more technology and apps for talking is because it's significantly easier than typing what I love to just write all day. Absolutely. But I also like, I enjoy being on video, and I think I've removed some of that friction that I had with with video and making clips and doing things like that. Yeah, I think the next step for me as a business owner, and trying to empower other survivors, and really build this podcast and build this channel, for YouTube is incorporating some help, whether it's contractors, it's very difficult as a solopreneur, who is a stroke survivor to be doing all these things. But I like pushing myself, I like challenging myself. But I do think we're getting close to the point where I start to focus on building the show, building the audience and doing less of the editing less of the putting together of things. You know, and that's the reason I'm sharing this is one to kind of give you a sneak peek behind the scenes, so to speak, but also just sharing that. These are challenges we face as stroke survivors, other people don't realize just how hard it is. And that is applicable to any part of life as a survivor, whether you're a business owner, or just somebody going about their day and working through you so terapy and recovery. And, you know, I think it's important to I guess that's a good example. I'm trying to share of collaboration with others and really, ultimately, it's up to you, but you probably do and we'll need help along the way. Again, whatever phase of the journey you're in. Yeah, that's just Just something to think about. I I try to think there are there's, you know, there's other things, like I said, there's there is, there are going to be days that are tougher. And you know, you don't have to win every day with the utmost enthusiasm and be on fire. But, you know, managing expectations, finding help from either mental health, mental health professionals or therapy, you know, members of your community, finding a community, you know, I keep talking about building survivor science in the community. And I really, one of the things that I struggle with still is like, it is difficult to find other survivors on social media for many reasons. One, generally, you know, stroke survivors are older, they may be less technologically savvy, they're also stroke survivors. I mean, I'm thinking about my own journey, I couldn't even use the phone for like, it took me several months in the beginning to be able to even use my phone properly without either dropping it or holding it. You know, so typing can be difficult. Again, it's going to be different for everybody. I still hate my handwriting. And I had, I don't want to say I had beautiful handwriting back in the day, but I have pretty good handwriting for a guy, you know, generally men get get a lot of crap for their handwriting. But I had nice handwriting I used to love to draw, I went to school for architecture. At University of Miami, we learned to draw by hand. And so that's something that I haven't gotten back to me, you know, and again, it goes always goes back to priorities and the Yeah, to kind of like adapt and shift to like, what is the focus of the week? What is the focus of the month? What is the focus of the year? What do you feel like you want to work on the most? You know, there's different strategies and coping mechanisms. And you know, you have to kind of figure it out. But building that support network to kind of get to these goals and to work on yourself to ask those hard questions of medical professionals at SR questions are yourself because, you know, again, at the end of the day, this is my take, I'm gonna bet on myself every single time. But not everybody feels the same way. Not everybody is able to bet on themselves. So you may have to ask somebody to help step in, like caregiver care caretaker, to be your liaison to asking the tough questions. And hopefully, though, they will ask those tough questions. I got lucky, my sisters and my wife, and my brother in law are all everybody on my team at the time, like they, they, you know, they pushed, they fought on my behalf, they asked the questions now, it can be tough. You want to do it respectfully. And you know, there's, there's a way to do it, especially when you're in, say, a hospital setting or an inpatient setting, you know, you don't want to be rude or things like that. But, you know, I think there's a way to do it fairly and politely. And I think, you know, saying, Please, and thank you goes a long way. Everybody gets frustrated, emotions are heightened in these situations. But if you kind of, do the best you can, as a team, as a caregiver, caretaker family member, even as a survivor yourself, you know, acting with kindness and gratitude and sort of a thankfulness. And just, honestly, humor is a big thing. I mean, the reason this podcasts called wobble survivors, because, you know, I'm pretty big global guy, but I like to have fun I like, but I also like to ask the tough questions, I think, whether that middle ground, right, where you have one foot on the safe side, and one foot on the side of like, here's the safe side, and here's like, I want to push it a little bit, you know, my foot, I got one foot on both sides, I think finding that, that sort of center line. And writing that line is really the sweet spot to, I don't want to say it's the key or the answer, but I think writing that sweet spot is important in recovery at any step you want and need to be saved, but you also want to know, you know, where can I push How can I because if you don't push and definitely not getting better. And again, if you don't take control, eventually somebody else will take control. And if you're okay with that, that's okay. And if you feel like you need that at a certain point, that's okay too. And then you can when you feel ready to take control, take back the reins, and don't be afraid to push back there either. So there's a lot to this you know, it's not easy. I know it's it's easier said than done. I I feel I feel key you know, I'm just built for this. Not everybody is and I do understand that so please, please please. There is sort of an art and a science to pushing back and and then Take, take my points here today and use what you can and do things wisely carefully, you know, think things through be objective. You know, that's really what I mean here is be objective. When you're asking these questions when you're pushing back, you know, I push back with a little humor. And I always refer back to this, the thing I was talking about earlier with walking backwards and telling my therapist like, listen, I know you're probably right on this, but like, walking backwards, just seems stupid to me. At this point, there seems like no good reason. You know? And she, she kind of eventually got me to flip on that where it's like, okay, yes, in theory, walking backwards is dumb, and you're probably not doing it. But here's what it's doing for you, which is building some strength and some muscles that are weaker for you, that will ultimately help you walk better and faster, forwards. Perfect. That's all I needed to hear. I just wanted the I needed to hear the reason. Because I knew it was something more than walking backwards, because I know, nobody really walks backwards around their house, right? Like, that's not a functional thing, per se. That's all I mean. Anyways, like I said, everybody taking control of your recovery is a very big topic. It's something we cover every week on this podcast. You deserve answers, like everybody else, I want to assure you that everybody is generally speaking, that I've run into on my therapy teams in my situations. You know, maybe one time out of 100, I've run into somebody, a medical professional that was near, you know, but I'll take that I'll take nine out of 100 being solid, people, right. And even the ones that I at first thought were maybe a little iffy. Turns out, they were right, they just, I wasn't ready to hear it the way they were presenting it. That's not on them. That's not even on me. As a survivor, as sometimes we're just not ready to hear the things that we need to hear. And that's okay to just know, you can do it, you're capable of doing it. And, you know, pushing back will only ultimately help you take back control of your recovery. And again, it's it's I say take back but you know, for some, it's just taking control from the get go because you may be in a better space. Or some of you may need help, like I did in the beginning. But now I'm taking back control. And it's not because I'm a control freak, it's just because ultimately, I now see the responsibility is on me and ultimately that is going to lead me to the path and the desired outcome. And that may be something I'm chasing till the end of time if I'm being honest. I mean, I think that's something I've had to be comfortable with now as survivor three and a half years and this December will be four years. I've come a long way and I can appreciate the hard work that I put in, I still have a ways to go. I probably will be saying I'm 85% better for the rest of my life. I don't think I'll ever get to 100% but that's fine. I'm okay with that now. I feel good about the things I'm doing. I feel good about things I want to improve and hopefully ultimately you do too. So anyways, I think that's enough carrying on about taking back control I think get the general idea you know if you need help if you need support, reach out to the podcast podcast I love will stryver.com Hit me up on the socials you know I'm doing more Tik Tok. I'm doing more Instagram. I'm a little iffy on Twitter these days. I'm I'm there. But I'm not as there I think I want to get back into LinkedIn. Really, you know, if you want to talk to me personally, hub dot o survivor.com. Definitely booked some time. A couple of free spots couple of paid spots every week, every month, you know, whatever you got. Whatever I can do to help let me know. Questions, comments, you know, personal reflections. I just know this isn't easy. And I'm just reminded about it every single week when I talk to subscribers. Just how hard it is. And you know, whatever way I can help support whether it's just continuing to make videos and you watch me from afar and we never speak I hope that I inspire you, you know, I show up you're sweaty every week. Mostly because I'm insane. And I go running before I record these and they don't be like showering and changing 15 times a day because I'm gonna go back out later today and run after some work. And that's okay, I'm okay with that. I should also mention that I do have multiple hoodies of the same color of the same brand. So when you see me in this as I have 75 hoodies, which is an astronomical number for somebody that lives in Florida, I wear a hoodie every single day. That is my jam. So your hoodies and hats is what you're always seeing that that's that is my it's almost like I'm Bart Simpson in the night while he's so on. Yeah, it's almost like I have a uniform that I always Where the same deal, but that's never going to change. Anyways, enough about me. There's some ways you can reach out. Let's see, what am I doing this week? Good things I want to talk about that I'm really enjoying is podcast wise is whiskey ginger. I think I talked about it last week, Andrew Sandino really, really enjoy his podcast, bad friends with him. And Bobby is also a good one. I will tell you on a big field on Kik, and if you are familiar or unfamiliar with Giovanni or maybe you are familiar with Theo or maybe you're like me, and you've kind of forgot about the Oh, for a while. He used to be on MTV Road Rules real world sounds is I think back in the 2000s really funny guy, really good comic. really smart, really insightful. Um, I really like enjoy his podcast, he has comedians on fellow comedians, but he also has other interesting guests. I was watching an episode last night with the Avant and Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson, for those who don't know, is I believe he's a psychologist and author. He's written a couple books. I just really enjoy good podcasts to watch kind of in the background while I'm working sometimes. You know, I don't necessarily agree with all his, his thoughts and his his writings and his teachings. But I really, I really enjoy somebody who is putting thought into what they're doing and sharing it with the world. I don't have to agree with it. And you don't either. And honestly, he's has a lot of good points. Some are different than others. Some are things that I'm not, you know, they lean differently than I would lean. But that's okay. I think that is becoming a kind of a last thing in this world is being able to objectively listen to somebody else's words. Yeah, and there is always a fine line between an opinion and subjective thought. But I Yeah. Really, it was just an interesting episode, I, you know, you can watch it, you cannot just something I recommend. And I'd say, No, we've talked a lot about DJing. And getting into DJing. And music production last couple of weeks, that is going well, I just recorded my first set last Friday night, randomly, it was not a fully fleshed out set, thinking about posting it on social just so it's kind of like learning and building a public bronzey I just recorded it's trying to get the recording down. Because sometimes with a Mac, recording the sound from is so many, it's all process to record is not as easy as it sounds on a Mac. So is testing and I just kind of got into a flow, I didn't have everything fleshed out, I wasn't trying to build a playlist and a set, necessarily, but I was just kind of winging it and a record of it. And so there's some bumps and bruises on my recording, but I kind of like it, you know, I feel like the energy is right. I think with I can tell you right now DJing is is fun, I run a lot. So I have a total, a lot of times I have so many screenshots of songs, I've downloaded music, I've got it all put together. It's a lot of fun. For me, it's a nice new hobby, something again, I thought I wouldn't get back into at age 40. But it's a lot of fun. And I'm learning a ton. And you know, I think at 40 There are things that I didn't know at 20. And I think I said this last week to you at 20 I was very interested in going to the clubs and being a part of the club scene but not necessarily the DJ now. I have no interest in going to the clubs necessarily as a patron and no longer interested in drinking and smoking all those things. But I am interested in still being a part of it and DJing as a way to be a part of the club without being a part of the club. And I think also, you know, what I'm learning is that you can do it at any age. And I've seen that before, you know there are DJs now that are in their 50s and 60s. absolutely killing it. And I think you know, as you get older you start to see things differently and it's like yeah, I just have an appreciation for the music. I have a bass knowledge now of you know, 2520 2020 25 years of EDM and house music and electronic music. So there are songs that I love from back in the day and you know, I kind of remix those and mix those with new ones and it's just it's just a vibe a lot of fun. Anyways LSC these episodes are starting to get I'm starting to roll them out to YouTube. I'm starting to make the videos it is a little bit of a process but I'm figuring it out. I'm getting it down seeing what I like what I don't like where I need to trim the fat. Anyways, go check out the YouTube channel. A youtube.com/at lol survivor go subscribe check it out. You know I'm going to post the audio continue to post audio there but you can also watch the video if that's your jam if you like watching me as talking head. I know this episode I've been a little quiet but yeah, I don't know, I just had a lot of fun I like I like filming it, I think we're gonna get better as time goes on. That is a goal of anything in life. So I just want to show you my face. And so you see me sweating every week, you know that I'm committed to building the best version of me and I'm not just some dummy tonky on my ass about taking control. I've really tried to take control of my stroke. I hope to inspire others to do the same. I hope to help people that are looking for that help because God knows I was looking for that help. Four years ago when I first had my stroke I had nowhere to turn limited resources on YouTube a lot. You know, it's hard. I don't think there are a lot of survivors that are necessarily wanting to or or able to. And so I do feel a sense of duty but I guess a duty to share my story with others so they know they're not alone and they know they can fight back and they'd know that get to where they want to be with time. So yeah, anyways, I think I'll leave it there for episode 28 of audibles for our podcast. Bye for now.