Episode 56: Navigating Stroke Recovery and PTSD – A Journey of Resilience and Reflection

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What up? What up? What up? What up? What up, everybody? Welcome to episode 56 of the Lovell Star podcast. Before we hop into this week's episode, touching on a couple of quick things. This week, I talk a little bit about PTSD. I do want to preface this with a few things. Obviously, I am not an expert. I am not a licensed psychologist. I'm not a doctor.

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I'm just a guy who wants to start having a conversation because I think it's important. I think it's been on my mind for a while. It's interesting. I I personally don't associate PTSD with stroke, but I think there is something there, and there's definitely something to research for the episode. It appears as though I'm not alone, although it's not something often talked about with the stroke survivor community and the recovery community. I think it's a super important topic. I don't think you should allow it to hinder your progress and your recovery, but I do think there are things think, you know, it's gonna look different for everybody. I think it's a it's a hard topic. It's not, again, something everybody always thinks about, but I think when you really break down some of the things that are involved with stroke recovery, I think PTSD is certainly a piece, and it may be a bigger piece for some and a smaller piece for individualized just like stroke. It doesn't I don't think we can't you know, I think it's just something to be aware of. I think it's it's it can sneak up on you. It can be surprising. It may not creep up on you until later. Honestly, I don't think I even thought about it in the beginning things out.

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And I don't think it's something you can't work through. I just think it's, again, a conversation that's interesting to me. I think there are a lot of ways to work through it, and it's gonna look different for everybody. So big week here in the u US. Presidential election was yesterday.

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It is the day after the election, so we'll see how things shake out in the United States. But it's definitely an interesting time, certainly an interesting time to talk about PTSD and especially PTSD when it comes to stroke recovery. Again, I I just talk about a bunch of different things, things I didn't think of, things I went to things I didn't think about until later on in my journey, from daily living.

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And, you know, again, PTSD is a really broad topic. There are little, smaller pieces that are maybe things you experience, whether it's anxiety or going back to work. It's not a topic it may seem. I just again, I wanna start the conversation. I think it's important. I think it's something to be aware of as a stroke survivor and a caregiver and a family member. Just realize you might be going through these things. So, anyways, hope you enjoy this week's episode, and the podcast starts My name is Will Smith. Welcome back to another episode of Love Will Smith podcast.

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Episode 56, we'll be talking about navigating stroke recovery and PTSD. What does that really mean?

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Facing fears, finding strength. I know it has been a week since I took last week off from recording.

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Well, I didn't release an episode last week. I actually recorded 2 episodes, but this is the first time I'm recording a solo episode in about a week. So this will be out this week. This week is the weekly election. Today is actually election day, the day I'm recording this episode. Been thinking about a lot of things. You know, stroke recovery, obviously, as a stroke survivor is a a lot of great conversations in the last week or so with a variety of people from, Stroke Awareness Oregon. I talked with Bill g from Recovery After Stroke. I'm just gonna call him Bill g now because I keep forgetting how to say his last name. We had an awesome episode together that I'm really excited to release, here in a couple of days, probably early next week with that episode.

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Anyways, this has been a topic on my mind lately.

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I I kind of thought about this a while ago, but I it wasn't that I was I just didn't know where it wanted to go or where I wanted to go with it. And I think part of it is around PTSD in general. I know, at least for me, when I think about PTSD, I have certain thoughts and certain you know, there are certain areas virus here or well, related to stroke survivors. You might be a caregiver, a family member. But PTSD, so often for me, is tied to other areas of life, and I think I was just kind of wrapping my head around the fact that in this world that deal with different types of PTSD. And I don't think stroke recovery and stroke in general is really is not way off base. Obviously, I think a lot of us, at least for me, when we think of PTSD, we often think of our that go overseas, that fight wars and battles that a lot of us, thankfully, do not have to fight because there are so many people that volunteer and sign up to do the job.

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And I think we don't do enough good things in that space, especially with veterans and b t I think we've come a long way, but I think there are still, you know, a lot of people and a lot of former soldiers are still dealing with the effects of, you know, being in the military and being part of the machine, so to speak. I think we could do more probably just, honestly, like a lot like like stroke survivors done for us as a community. I think, obviously, you need all we all need to help ourself, but we all need the tools and the resources to be able to help ourself. So it's kind of a combination of the few things, and I'm so glad, I spent a half hour before recording this episode fixing up seen Bibi having it in the middle of recording today, so gotta figure that out.

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It's been driving me nuts. We're only, you know, 200 episodes into podcasting, you know, a 100 and something guests on 50. Done this one now almost close to 60 times. So that issue that I'm dealing with at the moment that I cannot stand, and I thought I had it fixed before I hit the record button today.

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So bear with me, but we're working through that. So let's get on topic. So, again, when we think of PTSD, I know I think of military people, I think of here's the thing. I think there are a lot of different types of survivors, whether you are military, whether you're a victim of some type of abuse, whether you're a stroke survivor. I'm sure there's many more. Those just the ones that jump out to me right off the top of my head.

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So it's not uncommon to have PTSD of some kind. Now I did do a bunch of research yesterday, and I was surprised at some of the things I saw.

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Now I didn't go super deep down this rabbit hole, but, they were important things, you know, the research in terms of stroke survivor free and PTSD.

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Again, these numbers, as always, take them with a grain of salt.

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They are researched. They are published. However, I think there's a couple of things at play here. I think there's perhaps reluctance to self report.

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Reluctant is perhaps when somebody is being surveyed if they have gone and, again, I'm not a doctor, but I think what I've realized is there there are varying levels and degrees to PTSD.

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So, yeah, when we think about the unique challenges of PTSD with stroke survivors, I think there's really it's not something I particularly have heard a ton about. I don't think that it's common or at least it's not commonly discussed in my particular circles, but I think it does apply here. And it's not as, perhaps, significant or as traumatic as, you know, sexual abuse or somebody who's dealt with other types of abuse or war. But I don't think it's insignificant, and it's certainly worth a conversation. That's kinda why so yesterday on Survivor Science, which is rare before I recorded because I just wanted to start the conversation. It's something I think we might be overlooking, and we might need to discuss more. Now I do think for some context that there are a lot of conversations that might be PTSD related, and we don't necessarily associate PTSD and stroke recovery because stroke recovery, again, as we always discuss, is so individualized. It's so unique to the individual stroke survivor. But, yeah, I mean, PTSD shows up in a variety of forms, and it manifests for for different strokes survivors. I think it's common again in a life altering event, whether that be you know, what whatever the life altering event is, it doesn't have to be a brain injury. It doesn't have to specifically be stroke, but, you know, there are some trauma responses.

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Doctor, I'm not fully informed on this, but I'm just kinda sharing my perspective. And when I think about it and I think back, there's a lot of things that make sense. Right? Like, I don't think I was personally so everything comes our show so I was especially in the beginning.

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You're like, what just happened to me? You're kinda getting a sense of what's going on. Honestly, I had the stroke in December of 2019, about a week before the New Year. I I went into inpatient rehab facility for, you know, each for most of January 2020, so about 30 days. And I think, you know, I quickly realized I had to figure things out, but there is still some trauma there. Right? Like, there's you figuring out what the hell is going on. Am I gonna be okay? You're talking to doctors. You're trying people are helping, but everything feels rushed. It feels very chaotic. It's overwhelming.

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Look, those aren't easy things to overcome. They're big challenges, and I think it's not insignificant.

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So, again, it it I think what I'm getting at here is you don't and, honestly, I'm about to top up on year 5 since my stroke. And looking back now, I think there are some things. Now the perspective that I wanna take here is that you can work through it, And, again, this is gonna be different for everybody, but I I don't think it's a nothing topic, so I'm surprised that it's not you know? And and, again, it's everybody's got a unique journey, but I think looking back, there are some things, you know, there's always gonna be challenges and hurdles during stroke recovery. And stroke recovery is not a finite thing either. Right? It's for many of us, we have start working through things, and it's a process. And I think as you get further into the journey, you kinda realize, okay. You know, there's things I could've done differently.

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There's things I could be doing better. You're for me, I'm constantly evaluating where am I at, how could I be doing better, where do I need to change things, talk about on this podcast. But so I I do think this is kinda overlooked, and I don't think it's intentional necessarily. And I also don't think it's totally worth harping on because, again, I think you can kinda work through this, but I do think, probably for all of us, there is some degree of PT comes to stroke recovery that we need to work through. And I think one of the things that really got me thinking about this was kind of the process that I've been talking about a lot on TikTok lately and sharing my journey.

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And on Instagram, it's like, you know, I I made a joke the other day. I was telling the where, you know, in February of 2020, when I went back to the inpatient rehab after I got diagnosed with MS so I had the stroke, got diagnosed with MS, back for a second round of inpatient 30 day rehab at the Brooks here in Jacksonville, Florida. I made the very silly mistake of reaching for a shoe that had fallen off while I was in a wheelchair, and I fell out of the wheelchair. Now it's not it is funny because it's ridiculously ridiculous, kinda, because I couldn't walk, so I don't know what the urge was for me to try to get my you know, it's probably just a response that my brain didn't even really think about because 2 months prior, even though it was not in great shape, if my shoe came off, I would've just put it back on.

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Well, now we're 2 months into recovery. I'm still in a wheelchair, not really walking, not really doing outside of the wheelchair.

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So I go to grab it out of probably natural habit and, you know, it's funny because where was I gonna go? I didn't need that shoe. I fell out of this wheelchair. It was a big to do because I was so very big, so they had to get the Heuer machine, which for if 6 foot 8. And at that point, I was still probably around £500.

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That's what they call, it's like a human crane so that people can't lift you up when you're that big. And if you can't walk, you need help, Nurses need assistance. It's a big giant machine to get my fat ass from the ground.

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Wheelchair, it is embarrassing. It's embarrassing I ever needed it. Now you could probably tell why I got into running a few years ago because I wanted to change everything about the person I had become, everything the person physically really a lot of things, but physically in particular, the things that led to my stroke. So I wanted those things to change, and I did change them. The long story short there is that, and I lost my train of thought. This is my point is that I was, you know I know. So I wanted to get to work too quickly.

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That's, you know, because I went to reach for my shoe. Clearly, I wanted to go do the work. I wasn't ready to do the work per se. My body certainly wasn't ready, you know, but it is a good end to part that's like a piece of the PTSD. It's right. Like, I so badly wanted to walk and get better that I I I reached for my shoe, fell out of the wheelchair, and it doesn't make sense why I would even do that because I couldn't even walk yet. But, again, I you know, there was a drive in me to get better from the however, I was not mentally or physically ready to do that. But that's a little bit of trauma. Right? That's a that was a trauma response. I didn't really think about the situation I was in, and the reason I'm telling you that story is because it does take a little while to go from a to b.

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You know?

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Yeah. Where am I going with that? So my point is so part of the trauma is so so I was a year to get to running. Right? But it took me a long actually run, and I don't know. So the early days of falling on the wheelchair, obviously, it was way too early. Right? Here's my point. Way too early. You know.

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And I I do think as badly as I wanted to get back to things, there's some things you just they say it takes time for a reason because the brain and body, even if you're mentally wanting to get back into things, your body can't physically do it yet, and that's the part that's hard.

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That's the part that takes time. Now this isn't necessarily PTSD, but so where I'm going with this is and he starts getting ready more and more time goes on. I'm lifting weights. I'm in the gym. I'm not running yet, but long story short, you know, fast forward from year 1 to year 3 when I start actually trying to run, and it's going very slow. And there were some reluctance, I think, is really where where I think I started to recognize a little bit of PTSD. It's like when you're starting to improve, there's moments of hesitation whether that's when I was in physical therapy.

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You know, obviously, walking forwards was a big goal for me, but there was definitely hesitation that how I didn't really feel comfortable. I wasn't quite ready to walk backwards. I felt uncomfortable. I kept pressing, pushing back with my therapist. I was like, this is stupid. I don't care about walking backwards. I just wanna walk forwards.

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You know, but these are things that you need little it's a balance. Right? And I think part of this PTSD and kinda questioning things they're thinking about more is, like, you do all this work, and it's like, well, I just wanna walk forwards, and I'm able to walk forwards now. So I wasn't in a big rush to walk backwards. I wasn't even able to recognize the some that I now recognize of walking backwards.

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So with the PTSD, it's like a little bit of give and takes, a little bit of, you know, balancing. Hey. I've made progress. I don't wanna go back in that progress by walking backwards and hurting myself. You know, and these are not this example of PTSD, but I think even with running, right, there was really, it took a while because it it people would say, oh, Will, you're walking. And I was like, no. My brain thinks I'm running, but really, I wasn't quite running because I don't know if that was just because my body wasn't strong. It just needed more time. You know, long story short, I think a lot of people were right. I technically wasn't running, but I was definitely walking faster in that in the early days of getting into running, and that's okay. I didn't really care if it was more of the overall thing I didn't really running versus walking. I mean, it was definitely high level. If it was walking, you know, where my foot wasn't fully getting off the ground to where it could be considered walking, I never really cared about that because, again, my body and my brain thought it was running whether it was not. I mean, doesn't matter. I was putting the steps and the miles, and it was all working towards getting better and growing. And so, and so when I'm thinking about these things, I am thinking about how, you know, there there there was some reluctance when I actually got to running. It took me a while to kind of have faith in myself, have, you know, trust that my body was actually strong and stable enough to really, you know, run-in the way that we traditionally think of running because everything is not as natural as I talked about recently is, like, will things certain things ever feel effortless and natural the way they used to feel? Like, a lot of us as stroke survivors, you know, walking, if you were, you know, affected in the fact that you couldn't walk and then you get to walk, you know, it it really is an evolution.

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Maybe it's never gonna be quite the same, and I guess I'm okay with that. I don't really know. I'm kind of on the fence there. It's like, putting in a lot of work. It sure would be nice if it felt the way it used to feel. But regardless, on the other side, I wasn't even though I you know, leading up to that stroke at 37, I was in such bad shape that I don't know. Even though things aren't exactly the way I want them today, 5 years out, on the other hand, they're a hell of a lot better than they were probably 5 years up to my stroke. So, you know, I think that's gonna look different for everybody, but with some of this PTSD and stroke survivor, I think there's sometimes there's blockers or hesitations or moments where, you know, we might feel uncomfortable doing a certain thing. And I don't know if it's PTSD per se. I think there's a lot more examples. I'm not giving the best examples here. I'm just you know, here's another dumb one. Things like moving things around, getting on a ladder. You know, these may not be things you're doing or ever wanna do again. But for me, you know, I I love being handy. I love working around the house. I'm still in my forties. I worked really hard, but moments of hesitation. And, again, this is not PTSD to the level of, like, war veterans or or or significant, you know, survivors of other kinds that have dealt with abuse or sexual abuse, things like that that are much different.

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But I don't think it's just physical. I what about the fear of having a second stroke, or a third stroke in some cases? I mean, some people, we do everything we can, hopefully, to to be able to avoid that, but I you know, it's not it's not not a fear.

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I try not to think about it, but I, you know, I do kinda think about it. But it's like, am I doing the right things to really put myself in the best situation to avoid having a second stroke? Because that is my worst nightmare is that I've done all the work that I can do up to this point, and I continue to do the work. But there is sometimes I have a thought, an intrusive thought, and more of a intrusive thought. This is, I would not say, significant PTSD, but, again, part of the conversation is the fear of of reoccurrence, sometimes due to your own doing, sometimes maybe not. Right? I think a lot of us, I still deal with this, you know, a bit of anxiety. It's maybe not in the traditional sense, but certainly when I feel a little overwhelmed or I'm in the situation. I think I've always been the guy that ironically likes to prepare, and I I say that because I I used to be so so off the cuff. So but, like, I I just felt like I could deal with any circumstance. I I did a lot of improv comedy. That's always been my go to is, like, when I'm a little uncomfortable and situation calls for it and I gotta think on the fly, I've always relied on comedy and being a big dude and and just figuring my my way ends. And I know that's very broad, but it's kind of the way it is. But I also don't you know, now I like to be prepared. So because I know I have certain limitations, I still have certain deficits. It it can be tough when you find yourself as a stroke survivor and you're, like, scrambling a little bit, and it it's it's just like I need to be like, okay. This is no problem. I just need to take a minute because it takes me a half a second more than it used to take or even a minute. And there's some PTSD around that too because it's like, I I I'm so accustomed to being able to do things a certain way. And now even 5 years out, a minute or 2 to remember, like, hey, Will. Knock knock.

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Like, who's there? Like, you can't do things necessarily as quickly or as efficiently or as amazing as I used to be able to do them.

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And part of this is on me too. Right? Because it's like you remember how most likely, hopefully, you remember how you were prior to and now you know how you are after. And it's like, you know, it's it's I wouldn't say it's a limitation, but there there are things where I'm like, oh, I can't do things quite as quickly as I used to be able to.

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And there's a lack of confidence of being honest. Like, sometimes I'm just not as confident as I used to be, or, you know, I sometimes later in the day, it can really, I wouldn't say wear my body down, but it can definitely be a factor.

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And I get self conscious, and I don't know that anybody else notices it necessarily, but I certainly do. So it can it can these are all things that I think are common, might be overlooked, and I certainly don't think we're talking about it enough.

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Now, obviously, everybody feels differently about it. I don't wanna use it as an excuse. I just wanna have a conversation about it because I think if I'm thinking about it, I think I can't be the only one thinking about it. So, again, this show is really my to help you know that you're not alone and that, you know, the this it is rehab and recovery and everything with stroke. Like, I just feel like the more we talk about things, the more we get out there, the more we don't ignore things, the more we share our experiences with other people. Learn, like, it just uses that. I want everybody to know, and I feel that's a big thing we I've talked about with a lot of survivors. It's like, hey, man. Like, we've we've we've all I know what you're feeling. I wanna see if I can help you, especially if I think I've figured out something for me.

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Now how me may not be how you figure it out, but I just think that we need to be talking about these things more and more because the real concerns, you know, anything we can do to avoid anything we can do stroke, I say this every episode now, it's so hard to come back. People do just how hard this is. And if you're on this roller coaster that is stroke survivor being a stroke survivor, you know how hard it is. And know, learning to walk, and learning to dealing with fears of recovery, and opening your hand, I mean, there's so many so many things that we deal with.

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Anything we can do to make things a little less hard or give insights or share knowledge sooner rather than later, you know, I just think even I look back on my journey, and it's like, oh, I wish I had done this sooner. I wish I had done that sooner. I wish I knew that earlier. Boy, I wish somebody told me about this because all these things and, you know, kinda going into the next part is, like, a stroke recovery is a physical and emotional roller coaster. It's like the ride from hell, if I'm being honest. Now I say that knowing full well, there are many people in this world doing a right a variety of you know, we're not unique as stroke survivors. I think, honestly, some people are living their best life, but the majority of people on planet Earth are living the roller coaster of life. There are ups, there are downs, there are things that make sense, things that don't make sense. And so the roller coaster is that there are some commonalities.

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Right? And I I think if we're not I think we need to be honest about them. I think we all probably have intrusive thoughts, probably some flashbacks. I know I definitely deal with, like, hyperarousal or overstimulation, and they may show up differently for you. And the thing that I still again, I'm I'm not 10 or 15 years out, and I don't know how much better or worse or indifferent there'll be 10, 15 years out. But let's say, at come coming up on 5. I'm not even at of next month.

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You know, dealing with these emotions, recognizing they're part of the journey, and figuring out how to deal with them. Now I haven't done the best job. Like, when I get overstimulated, I kinda shut down, which is not great because it's just not that it's not great. I'm I haven't really figured out, 5 years out, how how to communicate this better.

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Because sometimes I'll just I'll go from thinking, Superman to suddenly being overstimulated and just start shut up and leave me alone, which is not the right not it's not even the way I wanna do it. It's not whether it's right or wrong. It's just, like, I I wanna be better about that too because I love my family. That's wasted the majority of the time with these are the they're the majority of the people that are dealing with the roller coaster because during the day, on about or if I'm on a phone call or I'm doing this podcast, I'm kind of unprepared. I know what's going on. I know what's gonna happen. There isn't a lot of surprise in terms of flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, overstimulation. You go on and on and on on that list. Those are just some of the things. And when I see them happening or I know they're about to happen or I'm they're they are sneaking in, I can sometimes get out of the situation without making any scene or nobody is the wiser, and I get into my car and I you know, part of my day.

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You know? And I think that's something that honestly, I don't know if that has anything to do with necessarily a stroke survivor. That might just be normal avoidant behavior. But that's another thing is that, like, sometimes I avoid situations or is that I know can trigger anxiety. Like, I used to be a really social guy. That's probably why I drank for so long because I love drinking and smoking and hanging out and have a good time and chatting and bullshitting with people. I mean, that's kinda what we did my entire life.

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Jersey, we we'd play basketball, talk shit, hang out at the park.

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I loved hanging with my friends, you know, and then life changes. You get older.

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I did that in college. I did that in my twenties. But at some point, that changed for me, and I I think once don't this kinda ties into p PT is when I had my stroke, I immediately no longer like, this is why I don't talk about it much because I no longer became a drinker or a smoker. From that minute, like, December 2019, my entire life went from sort of all these things to none. So I wasn't a drinker, no longer a smoker, but now I'm, you know, stuck in a wheel's hair. Now I'm a stroke survivor. So everything's changed so drastically.

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So usually people make small changes over a period of time. I went from kind of the all bin to the thing been.

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So there are things, you know, I've had those things where I avoid situations and I avoid activities because I'm now living a very different lifestyle. I I also you know, it's taken me years to feel more comfortable with my body, my brain, my station. I'm I'm definitely much better, way better than year 1, but I'm still kind of always on that path to to rediscover the old will. And, again, I don't know if I'll ever get there, but it's certainly something I'm striving for.

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It's really interesting because the first time, I'm reading a book in my master's program. I mean, I'm sure a lot of you have heard it. Maybe many of you have read it. It's called Good to Great. And it's just I've read it before, but I'm I'm reading it now in the context of being in the, MBA program for my my master's business.

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And I'm reading it this week, and I applications to stroke recovery and how in the first couple of years, I I really believe, and I I still very much believe this. I think when it comes to stroke recovery for me, there is such a thing as good enough. Like, I think that's this is sort of the approach I've taken, like and again, every but, like, at times, there are things where I'll work on a thing, and I'm like, okay. This is good enough for now. And that may not resonate with everybody, but, like, you know, when I think back to, like, typing versus handwriting and again, handwriting is something I'm still kinda actually just started working on it again.

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It's always been this thing where it's like, I'd love to do it, but I got a million other things to do. So early on, I kinda made the decision to where okay. If I can get typing to be pretty damn good, my handwriting is good enough that maybe I don't need to use you know, it's a balance you're trying to figure out depending again on your things you want to work on, how many things you need to work on. And certain things just life is what it is and you have to prioritize and and you can only do so many believe me, I tried in the beginning to do everything and fix everything at once. That was a terrible idea. I think research will show you in every server or not multitasking and doing too many things at one time is not the way to go. So handwriting went to the bottom of the list. Typing is better, but I also miss writing. Take that for what it's worth. I had a point there, but, of course, I just blanked out and forgot it. Welcome to being a stroke survivor even 5 years out. It happens.

00:35:48.659 --> 00:35:59.320
I think that's, that's another thing that's not necessarily PTSD related, but that's probably, you know, I said a lot. I call it stroke brain. I'm sure other people have better terminology for it.

00:36:00.994 --> 00:36:15.574
Funny thing. It happens. I think people have brain farts on a regular day. I feel again, it's interesting that I've had a couple on this episode because it's like, I always get mad at myself for for certain things.

00:36:18.139 --> 00:36:50.588
But given what we just talked about, right, not a top priority probably should become a priority for me because I'd love to just be able to be able to jot down little notes in front of me either on an iPad or in a notebook. I actually have a notebook on my desk right now with a pen because I very much would like to just be able to jot down notes so that I can avoid these little brain farts so that I can just see, you know, I I was an architecture student. I loved having a notebook and a pen with me all times, all day for the last 41 plus years.

00:36:51.929 --> 00:36:55.630
And so I do think that is starting to become a priority.

00:36:57.849 --> 00:38:39.780
But yeah. So it goes into the next part where I was thinking about, you know, when we talk about the roller coaster of recovery, it's like there's a lot of facing our fears, and I think some of that is tied to, am I ready? Is this safe? Another thing I was talking about with, Bill last week when we recorded, then again, his episode our our episodes together. And, actually, I forgot to check before I recorded today. I think he actually just released his podcast episode with me. We'll all confirm that, in this in this sort of, intro of this episode. But, yeah, it's that is something that I've kind of known about, but I really haven't talked about a whole ton, I don't think. But we are getting close to the 60 episode mark of this podcast, so it's entirely possible I forgot about it. And we have talked about it, but I think, you know, the toll of reconciling where you're at now with where you'd like to be versus where you were, and that is tough. I wish I had a solution. I just feel like a lot of the solutions I can offer up and a lot of the things I say and talk about and think about and do now is, like, keep doing what you can do each and every day. I mean, setbacks are common. They're understandable. They're actually inevitable. You're gonna have them. And just frankly, the more you have, the more you realize, okay. Like, it's all about adapting and overcome overcoming, and I know that's very cliche.

00:38:41.679 --> 00:38:48.980
It's true. There's kinda no way there's no way around it. You can only go through it.

00:38:50.195 --> 00:39:18.650
And yeah. So I don't know. Some people might, you know, I don't have I don't do a lot of these strategies, but, some people like affirmations. Some people like do do quite a bit of meditation and mindfulness, Although they are not exactly the same, they are very similar. Again, breath work really helps me. That really helps me settle my brain when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It helps me calm down my nervous system.

00:39:20.885 --> 00:40:08.730
Stroke, is that MS? Is it both? Does it really matter? Always the question I'm asking myself. The fact is it does seem to work for me. It's like having a nice little hard reset in the middle of my days when I need it, And I am not afraid to say to anybody anymore, hey. Give me 10 minutes. I just need to kinda work. So that for me has really helped. I will say the running in the last 2 years, that has been the thing for me that has really rebuilt my confidence in a lot of areas. I am no longer ashamed of being giant. I posted on Instagram last week that I used to be a fat baby walrus, which is something I think Burkhreyesha always says.

00:40:10.630 --> 00:40:56.449
But I found a very applicable, and I like the term, and I I not really trying to steal it. I just can't think of a better analogy than what I was. Well, the walruses are big and they're not like, it's it's weird. It's one of those animals to me that is obviously big, but it's also not obviously that big because you're just like, oh, it's a walrus. But, like, the walrus is, you know, kinda like a rhino. They're fucking huge. And that's exactly how I was, at the time of my stroke. So kind of common. And I think when I think about running, it showed me a lot of things. What started as a joke really became something that I found helpful.

00:40:57.469 --> 00:41:11.105
It's motivated me. It's areas in my recovery. I think it's helped me tremendously, like, the breathing tied in with the working out, tied in with the bike. Like, it all comes together.

00:41:12.764 --> 00:41:26.480
And now, you know, the running, I've actually probably in the last 2 weeks, so I've really focused on reducing a running. So which is odd because I actually think I ran more last week than 2 weeks ago.

00:41:28.059 --> 00:41:38.735
So I'm getting a little faster, which is good, you know, but I'm also not looking to hurt myself. But I will say incorporating weight training into things has helped a lot.

00:41:40.875 --> 00:42:05.684
Is that and this, again, is not necessarily PTSD, but I think is important. So I thought about this today when I was at the gym. I was like, man, if I just started 5 years ago with, like and this is hard because this might be specifically me. This might be specifically a guy that lifts the weights for a long time. I don't know.

00:42:06.224 --> 00:42:58.375
But it's very humbling after you have a stroke, as you know, in a lot of ways, but particularly when it came to lifting weights, they hand you these little 5 pound dumbbells, and you're like went across the room 2 days ago. But, you know, in the beginning, they're handing you these little miniature weights. You're like, but I was lifting 50 a 100 pound dumbbells with little to no problem not that long ago. So my point is wherever you're at hey. Build up that strength. Do the 5 pound dumbbells. You know, do them every day for the 1st year. My guarantee, in the second year, you'll be doing£10 dumbbells. And 3rd 3rd year, you'll be doing£20 dumbbells and so on and so forth. And I think that is a really big thing and part of PTSD.

00:43:00.914 --> 00:43:12.539
And I'm not a specialist. I'm not a licensed doctor, obviously, but I just think that if you you can kind of start to work through these things sooner rather than later.

00:43:13.079 --> 00:44:38.309
Because what happens is you get to later and you're like, oh, I should have done that sooner. And I think that's kinda where I'm at. Like, my advice is to just start to do things, start to try to move, start to try to make the changes sooner rather than later because, again, you don't wanna be down the road at the year 5, you know, the 5 year mark, the 10 year mark, and just be like, I wish I had done this sooner because I think I've really learned that a little bit of progress each day really goes a long way. And I think, like I said, it's it's it's so complex, and I don't mean to you know, it's again, this is just conversation. Things that I've been thinking about that have been on my mind. I think and you know what? Funny that I just talked about not being a professional because I'm not a professional, but I do think talking to either a licensed therapist or or perhaps if you're not into a licensed therapist or coach, maybe you need some accountability. Maybe you wanna try to work through it yourself and you don't necessarily need to pay, you know, a licensed therapist charges 350 or $400 an hour, but you could find a coach who will be an accountability partner and help you work through things and they may charge less.

00:44:40.905 --> 00:46:00.030
The right person that works for you, I know the world of coaching and mental health and and therapists, it's all it's it can get a little gray there in the middle. It's kinda one of the things that kinda drew me back out of coaching is I I love working with the individuals, you know, in specific first now and and leadership development and things like that because it's it's it's a more clear role for a coach versus working with parents, working with certainly PTSD. Those are really mental health therapists, licensed therapists. That's that that that's their lane. The lane I wanna be in, that's always where I would would refer somebody out. But, you know, again, PT and C, I'm really just trying to have the conversation to make people more aware of some of the things that have been on my mind. And I think it's important to have the conversation because perhaps you are somebody who's thinking about or you am I suffering from PTSD? And you look up on Google, and sometimes you get good research, and sometimes you get less good research. And I think it's important to talk about because you don't wanna rush into a decision, but you might if you're thinking about it, certainly reach out to a therapist and see if they are the professional for you. You know?

00:46:00.905 --> 00:46:08.125
Therap you know, and often now, a lot of times, therapists are also coaches, so they're they're you know, like I said, things are a little blurry.

00:46:08.744 --> 00:46:16.239
The point is find the help that works best for you. It it could be another survivor. Maybe it's peer to peer survivor group. Maybe it's me.

00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:23.298
Maybe it's somebody at Survivor Science. Maybe it's just somebody on find a commonality, and you have a conversation.

00:46:24.880 --> 00:48:00.175
It doesn't matter the route you take as long as the route you take is what's working for you, and you find it helpful, useful, affordable, and it makes sense for you. I think that is the thing that needs to be harped on. And I was thinking about this because I saw somebody yesterday make a post on LinkedIn talking about their weight loss journey. They had, you know, had trouble their whole life. And they went I don't think they went with Ozempic, but I think they went with something similar. I'm not super familiar with this. But I was think, you know, for that person to be open and honest about that on on a platform like LinkedIn, I think is amazing, and I think I have not used those such things, but I certainly had this thought yesterday. It's like, I wish I didn't even know Zempic was like a and I think I heard through through podcasts I've been listening to, like, guests has been around since, like, 2017 or 2018, somewhere around that time. I was thinking back, like, you know, again, my journey is a little different. But, man, if that if I had known that, you know, 2 year like, could I have tried that as a way to the point is I was I and I haven't said it to her, but I I'm so glad she did. Right? Because it's something she needed for her. Her I don't know her exact health situation, but, like, maybe she was going down a bad health.

00:48:01.219 --> 00:48:19.385
And sometimes people need a hand. They don't need it to be the long term solution, but they need a helping hand to get them on track so that they don't become a stroke survivor like myself, maybe like yourself. Maybe you didn't struggle with weight, but maybe it was a factor in your stroke.

00:48:20.885 --> 00:48:29.943
And I don't think, you know I think once you become a stroke survivor, I'm not sure what you know, again, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a medical professional, unfortunately, for me.

00:48:31.559 --> 00:49:08.929
Well, fortunately, but unfortunately, you know, it's just been a lot of hard work and a lot of the grind, but it even know about Ozempic, I think, until, like, last year, to be honest. Like, I just must not have heard about it, or I must have been so focused on things. Like, it was never on my radar. It was never talked about with any of my doctors, not even after my stroke. My point is I don't know if it's even an option for stroke survivors. Whatever whatever to get on the path to better health is the best thing you can do for yourself. That I'm a 100% sure.

00:49:09.389 --> 00:49:48.135
The how and the why, sure, people would judge people, you know, honestly. I never even thought about it until, like, I started to hear about it, like, again, last like, oh my god. I I at first, I was like, man, I I had to do this, you know. I just did this a much different way. But if it was an option on the table a couple years ago and somebody had mentioned it to me, I'm not sure that I you know, I'd be able to sit here and and say that I'm just saying I might have considered trying it if somebody had presented the option to me if I had known about it years ago.

00:49:48.673 --> 00:50:20.235
Definitely might have considered trying it before my stroke. I don't know again if it's an option for stroke survivors to be on these types of things. You know, I'm sure there's a lot of risks involved. And if you had a stroke and you're on blood thinner doctors probably don't want you jabbing yourself with something on a regular basis. So, you know, I'm actually surprised that I don't know how often they take blood from me as as just as a medical procedure. I mean, I know they need the blood work, but it's weird when you're on blood thinners. Long story short, I have no idea.

00:50:21.974 --> 00:50:39.065
I applaud people who do whatever they need to do in a way that works for them because there's nothing like I said, I I believe and, of course, I'm biased. There's nothing harder than coming back from a stroke. You know, maybe Parkinson's, obviously, Alzheimer's. Those are difficult.

00:50:40.965 --> 00:51:16.875
I was, you know, it doesn't seem like you can come back from Alzheimer's. I'm not sure that Parkinson's I think once you get diagnosed, you sort of have it. Same thing with ALS. I think stroke is and again, I'm speaking out of turn for the millionth time in this podcast, but I think it is the one thing that you can recover from pretty significantly. The same, but it's it's got to be sort of the biggest kick in the gut because it can send you way down the path to kind of starting restarting life. But I also think you're able to overcome that over a long period of time.

00:51:17.894 --> 00:53:38.210
But my point is, again, we have track there, but I think whatever you need to or can do to get on the right track with your health as a survivor is the best way forward. And, again, maybe you're not a survivor. Maybe you're you're a caregiver. You know, those are the things to consider. I I was really applauding her for taking you know, saying something that I think people aren't saying, you know, kinda like PTSD with stroke recovery, weight loss. You know, I know there's a lot of stigma around things like that. And, again, hopefully and it seems like she started that and was able to get it and work on it. Maybe she becomes a runner down the road, like, hopefully my point is whatever you need to do for your health so you don't have to be a stroke survivor is absolutely amazing. Again, I I think, you know, prior to my stroke, it's to me as an option, it might have helped me not have a stroke because I might have been able to lose weight and get in healthier shape instead of doing it post stroke, because god knows that would have been easier. So again, I hate to end this way, but I do think part of recovery is coping, is accepting certain realities, is being able to move forward. You know, again, it's not the way we would want things, But I talked to survivors over and over and over, and it's like, a lot of them say it may be the best thing that ever happened to them. I kind of agree for been the best thing that ever happened to me. It's not ideal. It may not seem like that depending on where you're at, but I think long term, you can look back and see, okay, I wasn't on the right path, and I was going down the wrong path. And, honestly, the drinking and smoking alone so the stroke, for me, stopped everything immediately. Now I don't think that that's again, that's not the ideal plan or the ideal way to go through that. But I'm here. I'm able to live my life. I'm able to make significant progress. I'm able to inspire my kids.

00:53:38.829 --> 00:53:48.985
You know, I always get weird. Oh, you're such an inspiration because it's such a weird thing because I feel like a lot of the stroke was my fault. Again, that's probably speaking PTSD.

00:53:50.164 --> 00:54:01.440
Yeah. There are things I could've done differently. There are things I probably should've done differently. But the reality is I'm here, just like I say, all the time with MS and stroke. It's like, oh, I don't know if it's a stroke.

00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:05.059
And the reality is it doesn't matter. I have both. I gotta deal with it.

00:54:05.519 --> 00:54:33.570
It doesn't make me special. I'm just trying to do the best I can each and every day. It's like when I go to the gym, I like to work out as hard as I can. Other people like to go to the gym and they like to take selfies and kinda half ass it. You know, whatever works for you works for you. Those are good habits will lead, I think, to helping manage some fear, some anxiety. Again, the practical advice is always setting those small goal. I mean, it's smart goals.

00:54:33.570 --> 00:54:48.304
Right? It's setting small achievable goals, gradually exposing yourself to to the fears of activities. You gotta push it further. Try things. Try them safely. Do some you know, find the ways that you need to achieve the goals.

00:54:48.304 --> 00:55:37.724
If you're if you're if you're trying to get to a bigger goal, you know, you might consider talking to other survivors, talk to your team, see who how you can get to that next step. But be aware. There's gonna be setbacks. You gotta practice, you know, a little self compassion, something I could still probably utilize on a regular basis, but mindfulness helps, breath work, meditation, again, exercising. All these things are are you know, you're gonna get stirred. You're gonna have tough days, tough moments, but doesn't how you handle those things really, I think, can be hard in the moment. But when you go further out and you look back, you realize just how far we've come. So, again, I'd love to see, kinda what you think. You know, let me know in the comments.

00:55:37.963 --> 00:56:00.074
Definitely, I think, y'all on, Spotify episode, I believe so. On some other platforms, you can always hit me up over on survivorshipcience.com. What else is going on? Like I said, so let's just wrap it up real quick. We did talk about all the points, you know, small consistent steps focusing on god, I hate this.

00:56:00.875 --> 00:56:17.050
I put this in the notes, but the new normal, I think I'll hate that till the end of time, but, you know, whatever whatever works for you. Again, I'm reading Good to Great in class this week. Sorry about last week not releasing episode.

00:56:17.050 --> 00:56:39.324
Just switching over from psych program. There's a lot of work. It feels like I'm swimming upstream on a regular basis. I I don't know if it's still kinda getting getting adjusted to this new first term. It's a lot of work, but it's fun. I enjoy it. I I'm really, finding it quite useful.

00:56:40.869 --> 00:58:17.264
Give it to my school and the program. I think it's, really applicable to real life. I think it's a I can't say enough good things about SNHU, by the way. They, they really got a good program. They got a lot of things in place. I looked at a number of programs. Some I got accepted to. I just think I picked the right school. I think they are well equipped for the current, you know, landscape of getting a master's degree online. I think they're really up to date on things. Obviously, things could always be better and improved, but I think we need to think talking about a 100,000 plus students online. They do a great job. So just because you see a commercial for them, do not overlook them. Do your homework. They are not a I mean, they're not I guess, they're a good school. They are accredited. They're not do you, I was forgetting the term. So there's certain online schools that are, like, I think they call it Degree Mill. This is a real university that has a real campus, and they have a real online situation. I think people are still overlooking into online schools, and I think the schools that are really doing it well, this is one of them. I think a lot of older institutions that I know have a great physical school are a little lackluster in my opinion, but to each his own. Do your own homework, if it's something you're thinking about.

00:58:18.045 --> 00:58:59.909
Again, currently reading Good to Great, watching a lot of things. We watch a lot of football, listening to, you know, my favorite podcast campaigns. I don't know if it I don't yeah. So I I got into his podcast. I mean, because I've been into Rogan. I've I've listened to all those podcasts that most people hate that I love. Campaigns is a really interesting guy. He kinda got me motivated to start running because I realized here's this guy, Cam Haines, who's a bowhunter who lives in Oregon, runs he, you know, runs a marathon every morning before work. I I believe he no longer works in his former capacity, but he certainly was until fairly recently from what I recall or remember.

00:59:02.690 --> 00:59:13.324
But yeah. You know, I'd love to hear what you're watching, what you're you're thinking about. I'm sure a lot of us did. I'm recording this on Election Day, November 5th 2,000 and 2, 24.

00:59:13.545 --> 00:59:27.900
So it should be an interesting evening. I wasn't planning on watching things tonight, but I think I might watch some things are younger. They're young enough to kind of not care, but they also kinda care. So that would be interesting.

00:59:28.920 --> 00:59:42.105
But yeah. Again, I invite everybody to join Survivor Science. Go over there. You know, if you're interested in joining the community, you can always send me an email. You can send you can text the show. You can email will at survivoscience.com.

00:59:43.045 --> 01:00:14.934
Any any comments, questions, concerns, please do let me know if you got any things you want me to talk about on future episodes. Again, I'm always open to and, frankly, I'd love to hear what you'd love like to hear about, you know, super important. So, yeah, this show is experienced, but it is for the community. It's something I believe very strongly in. I think, my episode next week that I'll release with with Bill from our over at, Recovery After Stroke, it should be a good one. We had a great conversation I could talk to Bill for hours.

01:00:14.934 --> 01:00:22.329
So if I could offer one word of encouragement this week, it's to do the hard thing that you've been avoiding.

01:00:22.710 --> 01:00:37.835
Do the thing that is been challenging you the most and put that into action. But I wanna thank you for your time this episode. And until next week, I will say bye for now.