43. Stroke Recovery: A Reflection of the 4 years since my stroke and lessons learned!

What up, what up, what up, everybody? Hope you're doing well. So this week's episode is back from the end of December around the holidays and Christmas. And I apologize, it's been a slow start to the year, but I am back this week recording new episodes of the podcast. This one in particular, I think is a great ep a 4 year reflection, which was back on December 19th or December 21st was my 4 year stroke anniversary. Always sounds weird to say stroke anniversary, but, yeah. Cutter reflection on where I've been, where I've gone, what I'm doing. And I think it can be very helpful because in the early days after a stroke, you'll hear a lot of people say it takes time. It is frustrating. It is annoying. It is all the feelings and emotions. You know, we can only control what we can control. There's a desire to fix everything at once that is difficult to do. Believe me, I tried. But looking back after 4 years, I feel pretty good about where I've come from, where I've gotten to, and where I'm going. You know, the journey MS never over. We know that if you're not it's hard to understand. If you are a stroke survivor, it's also hard to understand because you feel like you know where you want to go and where you're going, and it does take time to see that progress. However, I encourage everybody to keep sticking with it. It is worthwhile. You'll on your own time frame, at your own pace. It's hard to listen to external voices, family, friends, the noise, so many things. But, I'm really proud of where I've gotten to thus far in my stroke journey and my recovery, and I hope I think there are great lessons here understand from, and it's not easy. It never is. It probably shouldn't be. It is worthwhile. You're worthwhile. Yeah. This is a good episode. I think it was the last one of 2023. So again, working on some new things for 2024. Really what's going on down the road this year. Looking forward to get back in the driver's seat this week with, new episodes. This one's a great one. This is definitely a good, starting point to the year. So hopefully, everything's going well. Hopefully, your journey MS going well. Looking forward to kinda getting back out there talking again, a slow start to the year, but I feel good about where we're going. Things are on track and things are rolling. So, anyways, this is a a good recap and a good starting point and a good jumping off point if you're new here. Looking forward to the year. Hopefully, you're doing well, and enjoy this week's episode of podcast starting now. My name is Will Schmear. Welcome back to another episode of the Lovelesserrero podcast. This week, we are talking about 4 years of stroke recovery and the things that I've learned and a little bit of a look back, things I would've done differently, things I've done that are positive, things just kind of all the things that we've got I've gone through in the last 4 years. Looking back, a little bit of celebrating, although not too much. That's not my jam. Just really wanna kinda do this episode, do a little live streaming with my friend and producer Chris. Amazing producer. Yeah. Going through the whole thing, I thought it'd be good to kind of take the time at the end of the year here. This is the 1st and last live stream of this podcast for a 2023, at least. And, yeah, just kinda go through the things, see if anybody shows up. Not really worried about it. Just wanna record an episode of the podcast. Go live. Test it. So, yeah. We'll start back to 4 years ago in December of 2019. It is not exactly 4 years. It'll be 4 years on the twenty third. But, yeah, it's been an interesting ride, a long journey, not not for the faint of heart. Yeah. Just a really, no. It's a lot of things. It's emotional. It's It's been hard. There have been moments that have been surprising. There have been, of course, setbacks, you know, 2 steps forward, 1 step back, or 1 step forward, 2 steps back, depending on the week. But yeah. Just so many things to talk about, discuss. I mean, obviously, I can't fit it all into an hour podcast, but I'm gonna do my best to kind of go through Everything a to z, and again, the things I I I really learned along the way, things that, that I could share with other you know. So, yeah, we'll just get started, I guess, back we in 4 years ago, 2019, December 2019. At my stroke, which was, surprising to say the least. A yeah. I just never thought I would be in that photos, and it's very clear, why I was in that position. I was mess. If you are on LinkedIn, which we are streaming to LinkedIn, YouTube, Twitch, Facebook, probably some other places. I forgot already. But yeah. Kind of a mess. I can't really give a good reason why. I mean, I was definitely heavily drinking for 22 years up to that point. A closeted alcoholic, you know, not not just beer at the time, which is funny because Chris and I were just talking to we were hopped on here. Hell. I look at it now. I'm, like, but yeah. So there was that, and there was there was just So many things. I was not in great shape. I was not taking care of myself. I joked with my wife last week that when she was pregnant, I really, was a great husband because I also gained weight. Although, I, unfortunately, did not lose it after they were born. So yeah. No. I'd say that would have been a smarter move. Here we are. There's a lot of things that led up to the stroke. I see it was not a good one. You know, I thought I I've said this many many times before on the podcast. I thought I came from good genetics. I thought I could smoke forever because my grandmother did tell us she was tell us she was done. She was smoking on oxygen, so I thought I had good genetics. I think we can all agree that if somebody in your life has had good luck in that regards. When doing something bad, it's probably a good indicator that you may not have the same luck, and it is something It is not something to hang your hat on. MS is not something just know, if somebody has had that luck, that's great. That's, You know, that's amazing for them, but you may not have the same experience, and, you know, that is true of pretty much everything. You're if you are a stroke survivor, if you know somebody who's had a Stroke or heart attack or any significant major life event. It's gonna be wildly different. You know, I saw Last week, I had my friend Christian on of the podcast. If you listen back to episode 40, he's the hardest tech survivor from our coworkers. He has a great story, and he's made a great comeback as well. We're kind of a unique timing around our events. They were about a month apart. Ironically working for the same company, and, you know, he posted something today or recently where he was, like, you know, I haven't shared a lot of my journey because it's very unique to me, and I think I certainly respect that. And, you know, he and I have had lots of conversations, But I think it's really important. If you are want to share your journey, you know, that can be different for different people. Sometimes Sometimes, there's there's haters, Stroke, all those things online, you know, so you gotta protect yourself. But I think other survivors of these kinds of events need to hear different things that will work for different and so, Again, not to get too far off track before we really dive in, but I just wanna say that I think it is important to share things that work for you because there might be somebody else out there who is going through things or, you know, finding that something's working, but they're not really shore because I haven't heard it from anybody. It never hurts to share, and it never hurts be on the other end of that information. Although, I I do one of the big takeaways he said, you know, I I hadn't thought of it. I don't think I really discussed it before, but there's a lot of information to sit through online. And all over the internet, whether it's heart.org or American heart stroke.org, which is a worldwide organization. You know, lots of great medical things. Right? But some of that may not work for certain people. If you're like me and you're 6 foot 8 and kind of a bigger human being, you know, what works for somebody 648 may not work for 75 2 and vice versa. It's just You know, take it. Height, weight, age, so many factors into every individual, you know. So that's what like, again, it's it's up to you and how how you do things. And and Christine has been sharing more things, but I think It's you know, it can be hard. It's just difficult, but certainly took me a while To honestly, it took me a while after my stroke team feel comfortable talking at all, let alone talking on camera, speaking on social media. You know, typing is so difficult, but I think people out there are going through things, and they they need some encouragement. And some of the things talk about later in this episode or things that I really look down upon, things that I didn't take seriously, things that, really wound up helping me, you know. So, yeah, let's start at the beginning, I guess. We had 10 minutes into the podcast. So, yeah, Stroke December 2019, definitely coming. I mean, looking back, yeah, there were some things I mentioned this many times on the on the podcast, and for those that are new here, show December 2019. I had turned thirty 7. My family and I had just moved to Florida, back to Florida, hopefully, for the last time, getting settled into our new Was really excited to kinda be back in Florida. Everything was great. Over that summer, moved out of Virginia, moved family all the way from Virginia to Florida. It's Terribly far, but it's far enough with family of 5 to be difficult, but, yeah, that all, things started taking return, but it wasn't really recognizing the sick. Obviously, in hindsight, that turns out I had high blood pressure, Probably had some things that should have been a little bit more noticeable to me, but I wasn't going to the doctors. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was doing All the bad things. I was still smoking, still drinking. You know, it's weird, like, a year and got into vaping, which isn't particularly good either. Alright. I think, you know, depends who you talk to. I'm certain it's better than smoking cigarettes, But, you know, it's not good. And so, yeah, I was trying to make changes, but I had they hadn't really taken they hadn't really stopped. Still drinking, you know, it was definitely going down because I literally was getting tired everywhere I was walking. I mean, I was damn near £500 of Time of the event. You know, when I went up going to the hospital before my stroke, When they admitted me, I went on one of those scales. Well, they're they're mostly for big people, but you yeah. I mean, that was a quarter ton. That is a huge amount of weight. That is an enormous human being. So imagine 645 100 pounds that I mean, you probably can't even imagine that because it's it's kind of well, you definitely around. So, yeah, had the Stroke, December 2019, went into rehab, inpatient physical thigh physical occupational speech rehab, great facility here in Florida. I had a lot of physical limitations. I was paralyzed on the the entire right side of my I was paralyzed on the entire right side of my body. No use of my hand, early on, couldn't walk. Just a big big giant mess. So there were definitely early challenges. There were a lot of uphill battles. I mean, it probably took me 2 weeks to wrap my even happened and all of that. Everything MS kind of a blur. I've talked about it in awesome, but the you know, you can listen back to some other episodes to really get details. But, yeah, I really Once I got into inpatient rehab here in JACC's, you know, I knew things were pretty serious. I knew things were Kinda wrap my head around. Alright. Well, there's no magic pill. This is gonna be a lot of hard work. How much hard work? I had no idea. You know, and that's true because every stroke is different. They'll say that till, till they stop talking. When when you're in these rehab facilities, but, you know, I had some pluses going for me. I was younger. At the time, I was 37. You know, and I was just I just immediately fell into a mindset where I Wasn't gonna give up. I just kind of immediately went into how we code, which is my personality. I think I went into kind of all I played my whole life where they took a hold there, and I just got to work. It was not as easy as I hoped to. If you've ever heard god, I'm saying a lot. If you've ever heard the, that was, to that to apply that immediately. I was doing everything I could. And the reality is we're not even at 10000 hours, 4 years in, uh-uh, but I've never really gotten away from that attitude. I go into things when I find things that work for MS, it's been a lot of trial and error. I do share things because I feel like the trial and error. Error is important. It's a great way to find out what works for you, and I think, you know, hearing from other people and what's worked for them is a good way to kind of cut down some of that research as much. You don't have to you know, it is a collaborative effort. You heard the phrase, again, ad nauseam, it takes a village. It's True Here. I've had a great family support system, the entire way and continue to have that in my life. You know, some of it's gone by the wayside, but that's okay. I'm really in a place where I can kinda take control and do what is best for MS. And, really, you know, now is when I need help, I don't need as much help, obviously, 4 years out. But again, it's different for everybody. I I saw somebody online who is has been a Stroke survivor for are still making progress, but it is, You know, surprisingly, still slow for them, which is a little heartbreaking, but I also don't know them personally, so I have no idea Their situation, their their time constraints, you know, are they younger? Are they older? Do they do they work So, you know, there's so many things that go into this that it can be really challenging, you know, and it's it's Not any less challenging. As you get further out, it just gets different, and that may seem obvious, but You know a lot of things with stroke and stroke recovery. Things that seem obvious are only obvious once you kind of trip on them or through a lot of trial and error. So it's, it's an interesting experience. Yeah. I think for me, of the big ones were quitting smoking, immediately quit drinking, have had a drink ever since the Stroke, almost It'll be 4 years on the 23rd. No cigarettes, no smoking, no vaping, no nothing, really changed my diet to, And, again, I've said this before, but my diet wasn't really hard to change because if you take beer and cigarettes, and you replace it with healthy vegetables and proper nutrition and food, and focus drinking or smoking. For me, that was kind of an easy fix because I was doing so many things wrong. Doing the right things was not really that difficult, You know, and I think again, for me, I'm pretty good at certain things, like, when I know that I made a big having a stroke at 37. I know to take things seriously. I know how to I I knew how to do it before. I just didn't do it. Unfortunately, for me, you know, I wasn't able to quite save myself from the stroke. But again, something I've said over and over, if I can take and be the person that shines a light on Stroke, or or one of the many people that's China led on stroke and the difficulties and and making changes before, you know, you get to that point. Hopefully, you do. Hopefully, you Personally, don't have to go through it, but it's it's, you know, the ideal plan. It was never the plan, but, Hopefully, I can help others. That's that's kind of the goal. It was the goal for this year, and it's definitely the goal continuing going forward, especially in 2024 With Survivor Science and, this podcast, The Livable Survivor, and so we're building a community on the Survivor Science website, which, you know, is under construction. Doctor Lee's just trying to get some more articles in the pipeline. Before that all goes live, you know, and that'll be a work in progress, and we'll see how that goes. And we'll Continue to work with other survivors of different backgrounds and different Stroke got an episode coming out later this week, On the podcast with my friend, Margo. She's actually a Stroke survivor. She'll be the 1st guest, that's a stroke survivor. So Look for that later this week, probably Thursday on your favorite podcasting app. But yeah. Lots of challenges. You know, again, it was the diet. There's a lot of things with physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy. You know, I just kept putting in the work and the time. That was something actually, I yelled at early on that I was doing too much, which, of course, is if you know me and you've been around MS, people say I'm a lot, or I do things too much or too intense, or Bubba, but, you know, not everybody MS a stroke star at 37 with 3 kids and a wife, and Managing that in the household and all things that came with my Stroke. But another big thing, you know, which We hopped on this this episode in this live stream or recording of the podcast MS that I have a, well, actually, let me so before I get into that, so I I started doing all therapies. I I spent extra time in therapies MS much time as they would allow. You know, but I returned home in January 2020. For about a week, wound up waking up the morning after the Super Bowl. I believe it was 20 21 Tom Brady. I think it was that year. Yeah. Tom Brady, and then the Bucks won the Super Bowl. Woke up the You know, was feeling a little weird, but not too weird, but enough so to go back to the hospital and just get checked out, And it turns out that was the path to eventually getting diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, MS for short, thank god. Mouthful to say even 4 years in. But, yeah. Got diagnosed with mess wound up going back to physical therapy at the same facility I had spent January and spend half February and half March of 2020 for kind of more therapy. This time, the left side which was super fun as you might imagine because I was paralyzed from the stroke on my right side of my body. Mind you, I was I am right handed, Predominantly, you know, right foot, right hand. Yeah. They're not the same. A dominant side that was wiped out by Stroke, then the left side. So it MS a big ball all of, like, basically, uselessness, for quite a while. Thank goodness, that MS is only kind of temporary when this happens depending on your kind of flare up and your you know, the type of but yeah. I mean, it wasn't nothing, but it wasn't long term. I was able to be kind of I think, I wouldn't say it was great when I got out on the left side, but it was something better than when I went in. So, yeah, took me about it. To be honest, I can't really remember at this point, but Good 6 months before things were at all kind of okay. Which is odd because I went went back to work in April of 2020. Yeah. I got home, right at COVID. Yep. I think the day after Saint Patrick's Day in 2020, so it was, like, Right around the time that the world's really shut down there. But, yeah, not easy. Definitely not easy. I was looking back at some other photos of my sons, when they were younger. Welcome home, dad. Yeah. It's basically pretty useless for the beginning. Honestly, you know, I'm not really thankful for COVID, but in in a weird lucky with that timing to some degree because it just allowed me to get home, settled in, Back to work, ridiculously quickly. Probably shouldn't have. In hindsight, I talked about that on the, episode where we specifically talk about going to work after Stroke or significant life event. But yeah. Then, you know, just getting to work. It's it's really There've been a lot of challenges, a lot of unexpected setbacks. I mean, it really took me a while. Oh, I know. Sorry. Before I all over the place even though I didn't outline for this episode. Yeah. I mean, setbacks are always a thing, so there's there's a wrong time to talk about setbacks, but I think I was thinking about it before this episode. One of the biggest motivators for me coming out of the kind of the, All that Q1 of patient rehab was I was so glad to be home. Patient rehab is really great, but it's also very isolating your with others, but you're, You know, you spend a lot of time on your own, in your room, thinking, reading, like, just like What's going on? My family was around. Thankfully, it's pre COVID, but it yeah. My wife's managing the house Yeah. I laugh sometimes because I make fun of it because it's, like, oh, it's nice. Really, I didn't love it, But I just knew I needed to get better, at least, to get to to get to the point of better that I could be home safely, I think, is really the important part of, inpatient rehab MS not that you're gonna be immediately better after it. It's just that You can go home, be with you know, it's going to be a long road of recovery. A lot of outpatient diabetes. Go to outpatient rehab every year just to keep getting better and keep grooving. Yeah. The big one for me was that that being in that wheelchair and eye opening, yeah, people really I think it was I would blame it on MS the fact that I'm 648, But, yeah, all that time I spent in the wheelchair in 2020, that just motivated the hell out of me to get out of the wheelchair and get back to walking and use the walker and use any and every opportunity I could to practice walking, You know, safely, of course, but I did not like being in a wheelchair. And I was thinking about it tonight because I I actually got a power wheelchair covered by insurance because of the Stroke, because of the MS, at the time, and now it just, like, sits in my house to take some space, which I'm very grateful for that it takes up space, and that I still have it in case I need it, But I really kinda don't want it, and I really hope to never go back to it MS really the big thing there MS that So part of me want and, you know, somebody that might be able to use it and utilize it. But on the other hand, part of me wants Maybe keep it just in case, you know, but it's also, like, I never wanna find myself. I'm gonna keep doing the work for as long as I can until the day I die because at all. And that MS actually a much bigger motivator than I think I realized. It was hit, like, literally before getting on this this recording time. It's just it's it's not fun. People do not treat you kindly. MS not a wheelchair friendly place. Even today, even in Florida where things are more spread out. There's more space. It's just yeah. It's it's not ideal. I'm sure I could learn to live with it. I'm sure I would figure it out, But, again, it's not my preference. I don't think it would be anybody's was you know, it is a power wheelchair, so I don't actually have to do anything, but To not be in it MS, I'm very grateful and thankful to not be in it, with any sort of regularity, Except for when I have to move it in in the downstairs space of it. So it's, but, yeah, There's so many so many motivator, so many setbacks, so many challenges, so many things that I've learned over the last 4 years, and I think, You know, I wouldn't do anything differently necessarily, but I think there are things that I've learned along the way. I've been a lot more open myself about certain things I I will say a lot of things that I thought I would never do, or never took seriously or thought were stupid, thought wouldn't work for me, etcetera, etcetera. Those are the things that wound up working for me. Those are the things that was really hesitant about. You know, I'm Excited because I found some other things. Yeah. I'm gonna start doing some yoga with my daughter because she wants to do hot yoga, and I think That's gonna help with some things that, you know, hit the a stroke is a brain injury, and And there are lots of things that are not obvious to you or or even me when I'm on camera, when you see me in person, like, You don't see a lot of things, that might be going on, and I often don't even recognize things, you know. What's a good example? Just sometimes when I move too quickly. You know, I'm a big guy, but I always had great, dexterity, great kind of balance for a big man, very agile, again, for a big man, But I'm not the same as I used to be, and that sometimes sneaks up on me whether that be the GM, whether that be I would say tripping because I really haven't tripped when I'm running, but, you know, you ever run on the sidewalk and there's, like, a little bone port, like, one of the payment pieces MS, like, you know, you catch a child under something, and I guess it is stripping, but Yeah. Thankfully, I had an awful kinda stumble to caught myself, but, you know, in the past, you wouldn't even notice app, but now I kinda notice it or, like, yeah, even running in general is something I I know people hate me talking about running, But I'm not gonna stop talking about running because running is one of those things that changed my life, and, you know, The fact that I never did it before my stroke is just a testament how well, one, you could be dead ass wrong about Running after Stroke. You could also be dead ass wrong about maybe running isn't so bad if you kinda figure out how to like running. That's that's a big one. But yeah. With those kind of things, it's like, You know, I look back, and I I really owe a lot to, well, 1, my family, but, Just having that curiosity that I mean, I'm definitely one of those people that insatiable curiosity. I wanna figure out how to get better. I wanted to figure out how what's gonna work for me, and I think that relentless pursuit that has really paid dividends. A lot of times, you know, you'll hear different people say different things whether you're major. It's like focus on 1 thing, focus on this thing, focus on that thing. I will tell you having a very diverse skill set backgrounds, a wide variety of interests of things around the world, things in my life, hobbies. It's really all played a pretty successful recovery to date in the past 4 years. It's allowed me to stay open, you know, that's another big thing that I've learned along the way MS stay open when things aren't working, Be open to other thoughts, other, you know, maybe, that work for somebody else that you don't think will work for you, that winds up being the thing that works. A breathwork, great example. Just I just I hate breathwork, but, like, the name of it. It just sounds like hocus pocus. Oh, of course, I'm breathing. I'm alive, like, yeah, but also you can breathe better. As it turns out, Fix the Breathing was a real big eye opener, but also in conjunction with Better Breathing, I think, not necessarily connecting all the dots from the big picture, but, like, So I I I I started lifting weights in 2021. I got back into the gym. I felt comfortable enough. There are enough people not going in there, and COVID was really not over, but, like, 1st round of vaccines were out, and, like, I just, you know, I was very cognizant of people coughing and being near me. It was pretty good. The gym was pretty quiet. For most 2021, I felt pretty safe there. I felt comfortable working out, Which MS good because I'll be honest, I was kind of nervous about it because I had the stroke because of MS mess. I just wasn't really a big fan of being around people, You know, and I don't think of course, living in Florida and going to the gym. Well, 1, I didn't wanna wear a mask in the gym. I don't think Anybody wants to wear a mask on the gym? So that was something that, you know, I was paying be mindful of just because I I I'd already been change at that point into my recovery, and I didn't wanna do anything to derail MS, recovery, and I definitely didn't wanna you know, I'm wanting to push the limits, but I did not wanna push the limits on COVID, and I did not wanna get it. So I was very, you know, smart, I think, about How I handled that and how I approached my time at the gym. I did have some home gym exercise equipment, so kind of meandering between the two Back and forth. If for some reason, the gym got too too crowded, I would just peace out and go work out at home. No big deal. I still do Or, obviously, at the end of 2023. But, yeah, just staying open. And, again, What am I trying to say here? I think yeah. Sorry. I'm just having a brain fart. This is one of the fun things about being a stroke survivor. Sometimes, you just have a brain fart. You have your all your thoughts laid out, And you just forget your train of thought, which I talked about the episode that'll be released later this week. So many, oh, I know. Working out. So, yeah, I was working out. I was lifting weights, started running the bike, doing a lot of stair climber. Was not running, but the bike was pretty I was walking a bit, but it was, like, I don't know, so this is more on the running episode, specifically. Like, Running in my gait and fixing my gait has been something I I still work on. Walking is just, like, it's been this challenge. It's The thing I wanted to do the most, but it it just doesn't feel quite great, and I I'm working on it. So that kind of, you know, biking built up my stamina cardio wise. The CERECLIMBER definitely helped build up my cardio and endurance. I got into different kinds of weight lifting, you know, sometime kind of a mismatch mismatch, smash. But it all the cardio, all the working out, all the exercise up until 2022 and then in conjunction Fixing my breathing, really, it just it just I it's just, like, let's see let's see what we could do with running, and I just kinda obviously, now Over 5,000 miles 500 for the year. You know, really taken a liking to it. I enjoy it. It helps in a lot of ways, and I think it wasn't the most obvious path to running. I think it's where I was going with all this MS that, like, the breathing, the the the doing what you can I mean, you can do it is important, and don't worry necessarily I mean, obviously, you wanna do things you enjoy, but no path? Like, even if you follow my exact path, even if we went and started riding the butt lifting weights, and you started stair climber, then you started elliptical, and then you started running, and then you start walking. Like, you just keep doing things that are working for you that makes you feel good, help you whether, you know, it's cognitively, it's emotionally, it's it's it's health wise. You know? There were so many things about running that, like, had really beneficial, and I it's not an obvious path To get to running, especially hating running my whole life, playing sports my whole life, hated the running part of sports, which is kind of an important part of sports. But that in conjunction with fixing my breathing, it really has changed my life for the better, I think, and that This past year has been such a big not only eye opener, but a big year in terms of growth of My recovery and just, like, every morning, I wake up feeling good, and I've been feeling pretty good for the last couple years since my stroke. Thanks to the sleep apnea machine. Honestly, I'm down weight. I don't even think I need the machine anymore, but I'm also not gonna chance it. So There's that.