11. Surviving & Thriving: The Power of a Resilient Mindset

Welcome back to another episode of the lovable surf the Podcast. Today, in Episode 11 of the show, we're going to be talking about mindset, and how that changes as you begin the recovery journey and how it changes along the way. And the different kind of, we'll touch on high level as usual, again, these early episodes. So we'll go high level, we've touched on mindset, a little bit in each episode. But I think there are some big sort of phases or parts of the equation when you are, well, really, whether you're beginning the journey, whether you're in the middle of the journey, maybe you're further along, maybe you've been a survivor for a while. And I also think there is a part of this that is relevant to even those that are not, theoretically survivors themselves, but there's also caretakers, and family members. So it's just not the individual survivor mindset, it's the collective. And I think, you know, there are three kind of main parts I'll touch on, which is the beginning. And I'm going to focus around grief when it comes to mindset, but not how you might really think. You know, I think there's, there's a different take on what I'm saying with grief here. And it's kind of the grief of your old self. Again, if you're the survivor, caretaker family member, the grief of the person that was, but there's a lot to it. So we'll cover several parts that in part two, we'll cover what I think about being slow and steady things, again, things that I wish I maybe did a little differently or did a little sooner, and slow and steady and focusing on continuous improvement and review. And then, you know, thinking about long term and BarBri thinking through choices. You know, this'll be short term versus long term. On all this is probably stuff you've heard in other places that maybe or Tony Robbins fan Brene Brown, this is not new information. This is really just taking the time, when you've had this major medical life bent, or whether you're gonna be different, maybe you're not the one who have the actual event. But you're our player in this equation. You know, whether your spouse a loved one a family member, it's all you know, like we say every time it's it's very different for every individual, every family, every caretaker, it's just a lot. So I think sometimes this feels a little repetitive. I was thinking about it today. And that's true. But I think also, when you're going through this subsided, you need that repetitiveness. I mean, I'm three years into my recovery. And there are things that I you know, when I think about things, I remember, oh, somebody said this or that early on, and it didn't click. So I think everybody thinks differently. And I think, you know, a lot of these things are intertwined. So it's not necessarily going out and intentionally being repetitive. But I think it's good to talk about these things on a regular basis. Because, again, timing plays a factor and everybody's so different times, different types of different people. Maybe somebody needs to hear time, maybe somebody just as a reminder. So yeah. Anyways, we'll hop into this episode, I just want to remind everybody, the lovable survivor main website is now up. You can sign up for the newsletter there. You can also do it on the podcast website. The newsletter is survivor science. I know that might be a little confusing to people, but I am sort of separating very intentionally the lovable survivor brand, which is kind of B per se. And survivor science, which is about the larger collective and the community that I'm building, and you know, maybe at some point, I do a podcast with guests. And it goes under that brand. Maybe I combined everything. I'm not really sure yet. I don't where exactly I want to take it, but I have solidified things. You know, from four down to three down to two, so it is a local survivor podcast, the main me guests, because my last name is Schmierer. And it does rhyme with mirror, I feel like it's a lot easier to remember local survivor. And it's a reminder to myself that I want to be intentional I want to be, you know, stroke is by no means funny, but I think focusing on the parts of life, you know, have a little bit of humor injected into everything is definitely by brand. And again, survivor science is really about the larger community. You know, and it's less about me and more about the collective. So, again, sign up for the newsletter, if you're interested in getting like those little tips, little tricks, things that maybe don't make it to a podcast episode or are touched upon another episode. You know, it's all very intentional and building out the survivor Science website and newsletter as we speak along with community that has been pushed a little bit. Tell sign up for that. Yeah, so check it out. Anyways, let's hop into this episode. So the first part I want to talk about today is free. And what I'm talking about what I'm talking about in the mindset is that, yes, we want to talk about being positive and, and have a growth mindset. But I want to also touch on this because I think a lot of drivers, myself included, struggle early on, and even a couple of years in strong struggle with the way things used to be. And so when I say brief, I'm saying allow yourself and your mind to go there. Sometimes you go to that place where you remember how things used to be. I think it's important, because it's a struggle, right? Every day, if you're a survivor who has not gotten back to World War 200%, which, from my research is about an percent of stroke survivors. That's a pretty small percentage. Those that do survive that actually get back to what they consider 100%. And truth be told, who knows? Exactly. What that was, you know, I think it's clear to me as I continue to be a survivor, I mean, I'll be it's right for the rest of my life, as well. Oh, it's boring. It's forever. That will not change. But yeah, I'm sorry, where I was going with it. It's frustrating. It's, it's one of the hardest things I think, ya have to deal with. Going from the way you used to be, which probably 100% I mean, yeah, we all struggle with something. It's at some point in our lives, but like, generally speaking, majority of folks are, you know, there are certain way and you remember, yeah, maybe you're, maybe you're right handed your dominant hand, or your left hand was always weak. You know, because I was thinking about that today. It's like, it's not hard enough, right, that I was a stroke survivor. Or I am a stroke survivor. It's not hard enough that I also have am adds it. Also, that I left brain affected which in my case, generally speaking, the side of your brain that is affected if your body upper or lower, typically, the opposite side effect. So I'm left brain affected with mean time, right foot right hand affected physically, which would not be a big deal supper. I am. Right handed, so it affected by stronger side. So, you know, I, I think a lot of my grief and frustration when it comes to my mindset is I have to remember a couple of things. Now, I think when I say it as survivor, myself. I think it's okay. I could say, oh, like things could be worse. That is true. It could definitely not be live. So let's not It's not agree thing to say that survivor to survivor or, you know, brand, family to survivor, but let's be honest, I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it is good to be alive. And to have that. Dismiss that. But yeah, I mean, some days are awesome, some days are not as good. I think the goal as as I was reminded by one of my doctors, so let's see her on a podcast yesterday, for good days and bad days, which is fantastic. I think that's a good mindset I about the mindset where I'd like to be, you know, 7580 90% good days and 10% a day, I feel like, that's more my style. And that's not being overly positive. I I'm not against having a bad day, I'm not against feeling bad myself, sometimes, like, I think we all as human beings need. Those days where we're just not feeling it, I would just like them to be few and far between. I don't really, you know, I keep track of them to make sure. Or be that I'm not allowing myself to have like, a ton of bad days, I don't want to go into cyclones or tornadoes or downward spirals that I've been known to get into. I don't have a strong history of depression. But I think as a survivor, that is something we can all be on any given day. And my goal really is just be aware, when I I have definitely gone in like a two week spiral before I have I now. Have a bind about it. Again, I don't really one or two bad days, not a big deal. I think running is actually really helped me. That's that's kind of what I'm gonna go into about mindset to it. Yeah, I mean, I just want to say that it's, it's okay to have bad days, it's okay to be frustrated. I think it's common for as survivor. Even as a family member, we all remember who we used to be as individual. As we remember, if it's our friend, or loved one, we remember how they used to be. It's frustrating. from every angle, I think. You know, we've talked about that when we talked about it takes time. Sometimes it does take time. Sometimes things will just, I know, you'll eventually get there. And some things will just permanently be different. And that's okay. I think it's just kind of slowly building up that awareness. That's kind of what I meant beginning when I was touching on slow and steady, because I think, there for me, at least, there's there was a strong desire in the beginning to absolutely get back to 100%. I don't recall, I just recall, because I'm the one who said it. I said it to one of my neurologist, the early days. It's like, oh, we're getting two or three days. Yeah, we're, we're well into year three now. And I would not say. I mean, I'm definitely a lot better. I am pleased with all the progress, but I got back to my old self. But honestly, I've also come to terms. When you talk about mindset, I've just come to terms with, I really think I like that version of myself. That was like, a little more capable. But again, I was like an alcoholic. out like an alcoholic. I was an alcoholic, I was a cigarette smoker. And although I would have preferred, as I've said many times to learn these lessons a different way. Maybe for me, it wasn't in the cards, like I remember I was thinking about this too. I did try to go to a meeting with a friend back to as I and I tried and I tried to stop drinking for five days back then I started getting headaches I kind of got back into it is really dumb. Because I think there would have been solutions if I taking them more seriously. But yeah, I mean, I think a lot of that is mindset. And for me it's extreme to be 37 and have a stroke to be a survivor now may or may not have bled the MS that we're certainly brought it out. Back. Not going to be brought out at any point that nobody in the family has been diagnosed before. Maybe it was dormant and maybe stroke brought it out again. So I thought It could be related to a lot of things I've done in my life to people they are breathing. It could be really the fact that I deal with the size refrigerator and my family 643 25. Not a small human. Definitely the black sheep family, definitely the outlier of family. So, yeah, just think that was like in the family bookmarks, so who knows? But again, I think, you know, when I talk about mindset, or there's a couple of things, I mean, it's like when people ask me, How do you do it? I don't know. I just made a conscious choice. Maybe other people make a different choice. Like when I was faced with being a stroke survivor, I just got to work. I'm sure lots of people do. I'm sure if you listen to this podcast, you are of the mindset that, like, you probably don't know everything, there are things it's to learn, there are things that you're interested in finding out what's working for somebody else. You know what, I think mindset doesn't change overnight. In your gradual process, you need to take the back, you don't need any. But I think in my experience, I think I wish I constantly review where you're at, and where you want to go. And I think it's good, good lesson with your business owner, whether you're working for somebody else, like you know, assessing, Hey, how's work going? Do I like what I'm doing? Do I like what I'm building my audience by work for somebody else or leader in that company? Are you doing things? You know, or are things that you're doing bring joy or things change? You know, and it's constant, continuous learning and relearning? with things that are really good at constantly questioning, I guess, that has been pared down. I don't. I think a lot of children always ask Why mine, regular. That's why but I also catch myself saying why? Often to my wife, often to my kids, often to myself. No, and I think I've really learned that in the last year where I felt last year, I was plateauing. I got the peloton. And I just said, Yeah, I'm gonna go for it. And I did it. And I think that really helped build up by leg strength. I got to a place. It got me in a different exercise than I was doing. It can be a little bit out of the weightlifting, a little boring cardio, it builds a leg strength. So that it proved by walking by proxy improved by breathing. I definitely took it extreme, but it somehow played a part. I don't think that was that was a driver to the nasal breathing. But you know, yeah, to change things. And then I got obsessive about it. I get about everything out sets about running, but I just asking why, like, you know, I was thought I was I was running like 60 7080 miles a day. And I was like, oh, yeah, we're not running. Why? Why isn't I breathing better than it used to be now that I'm a nonsmoker? You know, and that took me two years to get that. So I started challenging some assumptions, assumptions, and I just assumed I hate the running. That's I just thought we'd take the running. Yeah, but it's like constantly challenging yourself and your core beliefs. And are they are they you know, are they suiting you to be revisiting? So just think, keeping a note staying staying open minded, being open minded, you know, if you are open minded, already being open minded. There's a lot of changes throughout this whole process. You know, everything. Sometimes things get tough and they get weird. And I think being able to question your own beliefs and other weeks and just really giving thought to your own mindset, like, Are you being a little negative? You know, find yourself being a little negative. Keep track of that. See out, how can you change that? Now, that growth mindset, it sounds corny, but I think asking yourself, oh, I want to get better at this and I'm not getting better at this. And one of the things besides burning. I'll tell you what I've been thinking about lately. It's like, I made a conscious choice early on, say, walking was top bird. That's not uncommon, instruct survivors that are paralyzed on, on the walking front at least, you know. I've said this before, doctors will be like some doctors. There's one in particular, when I was in the wheelchair, oh, well walking would help. No shit, dude, like, I'm in a wheelchair sitting in your office, don't you think I'd like walk too. But I get it. I just said that, because that's hilarious to me at the time. But to be fair, the doctor was in the zone, and not really looking at paying attention while he would speak. You know, I don't record that. That story. You know, and I think staying aware of things. And oh, Ting ignored by it's obviously a lot of this show is my take and my advice on things that I would do differently and things that I hear other survivors, you know, I am in therapy against your physical, occupational. And maybe I should be back speech. Although I do feel like, it's pretty good. You know, but I just got ignored by his but when you hear things like, you know, the most recovery App of the Year, you know, year one, you know, after year one, it really goes downhill. I mean, I, I don't even know that I subscribed to that. And again, this is a mindset thing. It's not. Maybe it's not going to be he's better, buddy. And so what if putting in the work that it's getting slower, it doesn't mean not working? It just means okay. Things are happening slower. And for whatever reason, that just may be the case. But it doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. No, because I think building that resilience and resilience. It's a skill that can be like, developed and strengthened over time. You know, I was thinking about that. And I was like, great resilience, it's like, just be make it as simple as like, when you're out, walking or running, like, push yourself one more lap, out to the point of, you know, causing issue. But if you're feeling good, why not watch it? One more. You know, if you're just starting to walk, why not try for two more steps again? Do things safely, but like, Yeah, I mean, just ask yourself, if you get a little bit more to give. I mean, that's really simplified. I am sad, but like, that's how you do it. I mean, you don't wake up being resilient. That is something develop that. It's something that is a mindset. I mean, you know, people yell and scream, talk about running all they want. And honestly, I pitched and screamed and yelled the better years I swore I hated running up and down, being a poor athlete. And the fact of the matter is, I had to question myself and call bullshit on myself. And really, you know, honestly, I I know I say it ad nauseam. But breathing exercises really helped me get to that next level. I mean, I took it really far. Because I wasn't convinced that just fixing my mouth and nasal breathing would be enough. It probably wasn't a my days. And then I got obsessive, then then I started working with Patrick and then I realized, Oh, I live in Florida. Let me do oxygen mask simulation, because obviously, there's no mount of Florida. So you know, with that altitude mask What's more, or effort in breathing and posture, breathing muscles further, you know, and once you get into that deep, deeper knowledge and you realize a lot of exercise and help with that lactic acid, which if you, you know, remember probably from being a kid, if you run too hard, too fast, you're pulling your side you're cramping. Don't get any of that. But again, I do all these exercises. I really I'll be honest, I don't have a choice about going slow. I am still working on foreign technique with my therapy team. Specifically my physical therapist because I I still need to strengthen some parts of my leg muscles that are just not firing the same as the traditional runner or even. I probably ran, I don't think I could run before my stroke. I was so big and fat, but like, yeah, there's a muscle back over your lifetime develop a certain way that it's easier for somebody that maybe hasn't had a stroke, or been paralyzed in the lower extremities for any length of time. But yeah. So working with her, but breathing, also helping reduce that, like the athletes so I can go much longer, but further, despite these kind of, it's their view of that new wave further distances than I thought, yeah, you in 10 to 1314 miles a day is really insane. I mean, I just finished the last two weeks of running, and I read. I think since since the last three weeks, I ran 260 something miles last two weeks was 180. So I mean, the last three weeks total, I've been pushing over 80 miles a week, a lot of miles for big ass dude, like myself. And I'm not trying to brag, I'm trying. I'm really trying to showcase that, that mindset, challenging my own assumptions, and constant questioning myself. Oh, also taking kind of a slow and steady approach. Like it's out. Like, I didn't just start running 80 miles a week after hating it my whole life, I you know, I pieced this together, it has accelerated because they put a lot of time and effort into it. Because a lot of good things have come beyond just the running, I feel like super good. Ed, I feel like it is a way for me to get really started in my day, it's a great way to end my day. You know, I generally try to run morning or midday, to get a breaks on my desk, three straight hours, and then I go back back, I do more work at my desk, and then I get up and I go running before dinner. You know, and sometimes, you know, as a result, my schedule is a little different than most but again, just thinking of going through and doing things differently and things that work for me. And I'm trying to think of long term versus short term. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, again, these are all it's a combination of these mindsets, and yeah, so anyways, again, it's it's allowing yourself to grieve. I think this kind of happens on a regular basis almost happens on a weekly basis. For me, it can be really frustrating when surfing, get these spirals. Again, it's not a like a daily thing, but it definitely happens continuously. So I wouldn't say this is a mindset, I'd say it's more of a keep an awareness on yourself. And it's, it's a constant work in progress, like, you know who you were before. And you know who you are now. And I think it's okay to be that you're going to evolve and change. That's another big thing. As a survivor, or caretaker or family member, things are changing. For you individually. Or your loved one, or the person you're caring for being aware that you're going to constantly adjust. And the reason I thought about that it's my wife sometimes, and and I might get trouble here, but I'm not too worried about it. I've done a lot of work. I've changed a lot of byways. And I sometimes have my moments, I think like any apple and I love the shit out of my wife. But yeah, I mean, there are times when you know you have these little arguments or little tips wherever you are gone. Any volunteer an old habit, right? Or one of the things my wife does this show. And this movie specifically, my wife and I because both deaf and I am hearing and because of the stroke and some of the deficits, I had the spasticity, I don't sign as well as I used to. Part of that could be excused part of it be that It's very important to me. But we can get by with our communication well enough, I do have to make a stronger effort sometimes. Just the list of priorities. I mean, it's super important to me, we need to be able to communicate with my wife and kids. However, like typing, I work around it. It's not that they don't want to get better at psyche, if you take the list. You got to prioritize and fix everything. I want that a bunch of this show on other shows on it's probably on this episode, honestly. Yeah, I mean, again, it's all a constant work in progress. And I'm saying this to the broader audience, the podcast, it's not just you as the individual, it's characters things going on a family members, keeping an open mind and being aware. Everybody's changing and evolving throughout this process. Not easy. And I guess where he's going with that, actually. Disappointed aside, is that like, this happened, and I realized that my wife and I, I need to talk about it, because sometimes she will. And I do a two. So this, this is both of us. I mean, I think all couples do. Somebody says something one time, good or bad, right? And then they say something similar another time. And we kind of tend to ignore the other person, because we already think we know what they're saying. But if we don't stop, listen, pay attention. Keep in mind, we don't really hear what they're saying. And I'll tell you where that why I'm saying that is because it's just a mindset My wife has. And it's not. I do too, I'm just trying to give you the best example here is like, sometimes she just assumes I'm saying a thing the way I might have said it a couple of years ago. And I'm like, wait, no, I really, I gave this some thought. And please don't ignore it. Because then we talk about it. And then just out there, I was really like, that's not listening. But she's listening, if that makes sense. Anyways, this these are things that happen is just one small example of just mentioning because it came up recently, and I think it's, it's probably something that happens to a lot of people. Especially if you're like me, and he did some things that were different. And if you're really focused on improving your health, or life, after a significant life event, stroke, traumatic brain injury, autoimmune, whatever, whatever significant life event that's happened in your life and your changes, just be aware that this, you know, as you're changing you're staying on top of things, and you're not falling into old habits, but also be honest with yourself, and those around you. Because if you are making those changes, and they are for the better, you know, I think it's important to make sure everybody's on the same page. So that's really where I was taking this is that when you get into this mindset and changing your mindset, changing maybe, perhaps, ways that were you know, maybe you're optimized now, I think that's the big thing about a stroke is that you you're able or any major life event is variable to kind of reset expectations for yourself. You've been given this second chance, you can take a second chance. And if you're making an effort, just assess high level everything. Make sure you're getting back what you're putting in, in all areas. Anyways, mindsets, a big topic, I mean, you could do a podcast. I mean, Rob dial Jr. has a podcast all about mindset and he's 1200 episodes into his podcast. So it's obviously not a small topic. You know, I'd love to hear your thoughts and, you know, things that you worked on things that you changed, challenges, you faced assumptions, you paid things, you know, whatever, whatever you feel, has been a big improvement. Your mindset, babysitter event. What are the things you're doing that are working things you've tried that aren't working? issues you've run into? I'd love to hear you definitely can go to a podcast that local Wolf rider.com You can send me a voicemail. You can send the show. Message. Love to hear from you podcast that of botswana.com. And yeah, I think we'll be there per day. So hope you have a great week.